Bandslam

---

(CROWD CHEERING)

WILL:
Dear David Bowie...

Well, it's Monday morning, which,

let's face it, in Cincinnati, is redundant.

I'm getting ready for school,

or, as I like to call it,

Guantanamo with a lunch period.

My mom says

that's seeing the glass half-empty.

Personally, I just hope one day

to actually see the glass.

Will, you' re going to be late.

Will?

Are you writing another letter

to David Bowie?

Doesn't it bother you

that he never writes back?

-He knows that would only intimidate me.

-See, why can't I process rejection like that?

Good. Let's go.

TEACHER:
So, what does the white whale

symbolize here?

WlLL:
School isn't gut-wrenchingly awful.

Mostly, it's just kind of like novocaine

for the soul.

I tend to make snap judgments

about people

based on what kind of music they like.

Like these kids are into hip-hop lite,

the kind where some rapper does one verse

of a Christina Aguilera song.

Then there's the "Trustafarians. "

Rich suburban white kids with knit caps

and $2,000 dreadlock extensions.

The indie-rock clique is made up of me

and one other kid I refuse to meet

until he bathes

and stops flattening his hair with his hand.

What can I say?

I think I just kind of missed the memo

about how to fit in in Cincinnati.

I'm sorry. That was an accident.

-Dewey.

-BOY:
Dewey!

GIRL:
Dewey!

Oh, well. As a wise musician once said,

"l have become comfortably numb. "

Well, that's all for now.

Your number-one fan, Will Burton.

What's the one thing I could say right now

to make this better?

You quit your job

and we're moving out of Cincinnati?

I quit my job

and we're moving out of Cincinnati.

-You're a cat and I'm just your play toy.

-No, no, I mean it, I mean it.

-Aunt Nan gave me a job.

-ln Jersey?

Yeah! Yeah, and it's more money,

and flexible hours...

-Seriously?

-Yeah! And it's perfect.

The schools in Jersey

start second semester later.

Mom!

What? What is it?

I mean, it's not going

to be any different there.

Okay, there's the Will Burton

I know and love.

God, for a moment,

you were actually possessed

by a happy, well-adjusted teenager.

-lt might be different. Different kids.

-Yeah, but same me.

Hey, hey. You are not the problem.

You are terrific.

Will.

Listen, honey, if you miss out on life,

they win.

-(SlNGlNG) lf you just put your hand in mine

-(SlNGlNG) lf you just put your hand in mine

-We're gonna leave all our troubles behind

-We're gonna leave all our troubles behind

-We'll walk and don't look back

-We'll walk and don't look back

-Don't look back

-Don't look back

Okay, Mick Jagger recorded this

with Peter Tosh.

It's almost ska.

It's like reggae, but it pops more,

and they don't sing about Jah.

You have no idea

what I'm talking about, do you?

No.

But it's nice to see you so happy!

WlLL:
Lodi!

(KAREN EXCLAlMS)

(WlLL WHOOPlNG)

KAREN:
Will, honey, it's a big day tomorrow.

Get to bed.

(SlGHlNG)

(SCHOOL BELL RlNGlNG)

KAREN:
Well?

Elvis is entering the building.

-Unharmed?

-Completely.

All right!

See, I told you it would be different here.

Night and day.

WlLL:
Dear David Bowie,

there's one big advantage to

my new school over my old one: anonymity.

All those years of wishing I could

make myself invisible?

Turns out, all I had to do

was move to New Jersey.

(SLURPING)

Happy New Year, Van Buren! What's up?

(STUDENTS CHEERlNG)

I just have one question for you.

What's gonna happen

-Bandslam!

-Bandslam!

And who's gonna bring home the gold?

-Glory Dogs!

-Glory Dogs!

Give it up for Ben Wheatly

and the Glory Dogs!

WlLL:
Lunch today was like

a Nuremberg rally produced by MTV.

Yes, you're number one!

Out of nowhere,

people were acting like maniacs

over something called Bandslam.

-I love you, Ben!

-BEN:
What's up, Van Buren?

All right.

As we all know, last year at Bandslam,

the Glory Dogs tied for second

with the Burning Hotels.

(ALL BOOING)

Well, that's not happening this year.

You know why?

BOY:
Why?

'Cause there's some new dogs

in the pound.

First up, all the way from Montclair,

Iiving with his dad, who he hates,

just to play with the Dogs.

Dylan Dyer!

(PLAYlNG ROCK MUSIC)

Exactly how big is

this whole Bandslam thing around here?

Texas high-school-football big.

-You're new.

-Yeah.

SA5M:
Let me see your class schedule.

We have Human Studies together.

What's your name?

Will Burton. What's yours?

BEN:
Last, but certainly not least,

everybody loves a drummer.

We got a bad boy on the kit,

and his name is Boe!

The "5" is silent.

(ROCK MUSlC CONTlNUES)

Kit is crazy.

Incredible.

-What are you doing?

-Let me have a...

BUG:
What are you doing?

WlLL:
Dear David Bowie,

today in my Human Studies class,

our teacher, Miss Wittenberg,

said the two words I dread more

than any others in the English language.

Buddy up.

This semester,

I want you to pick someone in the class

and create a presentation

that will show us who that person truly is.

Now, you can use photography,

poetry, video. Get creative, people.

You'll have to get together after school.

We're gonna know each other

in ways we never expected.

Do you want to start?

What's your favorite color?

Come on. I mean,

we have to dig a little deeper than that.

This project counts for, like, half our grade.

(SlGHS)

Look, why don't we take each other

to, like, our most favorite spot

and our least favorite spot

in the whole world?

Okay.

Least favorite?

(BOY GRUNTlNG)

Done.

Done.

Most favorite?

-Can I get back to you on that?

-Why do you talk like that?

-Like what?

-(lMlTATlNG SA5M) Like that.

Why do you look like that?

-I just do.

-Same here.

I used to stutter.

Emotion is overrated.

There may be a middle ground.

Idiots.

Morons.

Open. Right now.

Right now, right now, right now.

-I'm sorry. Are you okay?

-Do not come near me!

Are you all right?

If anything happened to my cello,

I'm going to sue his parents.

Seems all right.

It's impossible to tell until you play it.

It's not like it's a viola.

Hey! Hey, Good Samaritan,

do you like kids?

-What?

-Do you like kids? It's a simple question.

Of course you do.

All Good Samaritans like kids.

It's in the handbook.

Come on, we don't have a lot of time.

What?

-What is this?

-This is a daycare program

our fair school set up

with Lindsay Elementary around the corner.

-Beef jerky! Beef Jerky!

-Beef jerky! Beef Jerky!

Beef jerky. Teriyaki flavor.

They... They love it.

-CHlLDREN:
Beef Jerky!

-Beef Jerky!

Okay, ready?

You.

Who's...

Oh, uh...

That's Mr. Berry. He "supervises."

All right, everybody, sit down.

Come on, monsters.

-Name?

-Will. Will Burton.

Charlotte Barnes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Will Burton is in the house!

(CHlLDREN CHEERlNG)

Can I have your iPod?

Hey, Rory,

you want to listen to some of Will's music?

Is it like your band? Glory Dogs rock.

Ex-band, Rory.

(WlCHlTA LlNEMAN PLAYlNG)

-They're not gonna want to listen to that.

-Halt.

CHARLOTTE:

Way to soothe the savage beast.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes