Bark Ranger Page #2

You know it!

Not a problem.

I have a spare.

Carl!

Well, that's not too...

Yeah, you know, this is my bad.

I accept that.

- Carl.

- What?

- There she is.

- Our baby!

Our baby.

Oh yeah.

Phew!

It's safe!

Wow, you never kissed me before,

but you'll kiss the...

- Smarten up, huh?

- Okay.

Magnum.

- Cabin.

- Well, I mean a cabin.

[B more luxurious,

BEE!

Wan

(flaw.

- No, you... Yeah.

- No, I'll go.

- Nice.

- Carl!

- What's wrong?

- Get it off of me!

- Larry!

- Get it off of me!

I can't see!

Well, this is it, Chloe.

A new start for us.

- Isn't it exciting?

- Sure thing, Mom.

Uh-oh! Ls somebody getting

a bit low blood sugar?

Here, have some

wheatgrass juice.

Oh, I've tried.

D E:

Hi! Welcome to

McKenzie Lake!

Bill,

Are you passing through

or will you be

staying with us for a while?

Just absorbing

the vibe of this place.

There's a real green aura

to this land.

Because of the trees, maybe?

Of course, yes.

We are planning to stay awhile.

I'm Lisa.

This my charming daughter Chloe.

Hello, Chloe.

I'm Sharon. Nice to meet you.

She's quite a reader. I want her

to spend more time outdoors...

Get in touch with nature.

I want her to drink in

the spirit of this place

and be reborn anew

like a mighty phoenix!

Phoenix speech again.

Oh boy!

Well, if it's nature

that you want,

- we have that in spades.

- Well, fantastic.

We will set up camp,

we'll do some yoga,

maybe some Tai Chi,

and then I will make you

a pot of chai tea!

Tai Chi, chai tea!

Say that three times fast!

Uh, say Chloe, I have a son Jack

who's about your age.

Mama;

mm.

Oh look, there he is now!

Hey, Jack, come meet Chloe.

I was thinking maybe you could

show her around the park?

You could take her

to the fishing spot?

Uh, sure.

That would be great,

won't it, Chloe?

Wan.

Welcome to my shack, Larry.

Knock it off!

This place is perfect.

Nobody's been here for years.

We lay low a couple of days,

and we steal a truck

and it's "Hello, Tahiti."

Hey, me and Bonesy here

have the exact same shoe size.

Sweet!

We hunt, we fish, we live

off the land like our ancestors did.

Our ancestors

from the slums of Philly?

No, from my imagination, Carl.

Oh, like my imaginary friend Keith.

- Hey, Keith.

- He's actually over there.

Wan.

- What do ya got there, Carl?

- Hmm, sorry?

Mmmmm.

Just playing with

my pocket lint as usual.

- Let me see what you got there.

- No, come on.

Just a trifle really.

Okay, but only three a day,

just until I fashion

some sort of a hunting spear.

I agree with that plan 100%.

Carl?

What have you done?

- Why would you do that, Carl?

- I regret nothing.

- What else have you got?

- No, I got nothing.

Show me.

What's this? What's this?

I have another bag.

- No! No!

- Carl!

So, you like your books, huh?

I was in the library club

at school... my old school.

What's it like

living up in the big city?

We actually live in the suburbs.

I didn't get

to go into the city much.

Man, I'd love to go see

a pro baseball game.

- You ever go?

- No. I'm not really into sports.

Psst Jack, say something!

What about one of those

monster truck jams?

Like they have

in the big stadiums?

Aw, not that.

This is embarrassing.

- Me to the rescue!

- Hey, who's this?

Oh, that's my dog, Ranger.

- He's so cute!

- That's me.

The world's greatest wingman...

Er, wing-dog.

Wing-dog?

Do you want to give it a try?

Well played, Jack!

Can you eat these fish

if you catch them?

Yeah, we fry 'em up in a pan.

They're really good.

I haven't eaten

anything with a face

since my Mom went

crazy vegan after the divorce.

- Guess that kind of sucked.

- Yeah.

- So can I give it a go?

- Sure.

Okay, so with your left hand,

you use your finger

to pull this string.

Oh man, fishing is so boring!

And then you flip this over.

Then release.

Geese!

Hello!

Catch me one of those,

why don't you?

Just reel it in slowly.

- You'll get a hit soon enough.

- A hit?

- A fish on the line.

- Oh.

Whoa!

I think I got one!

Is it a goose?

- That's it!

- What now?

Uh...

keep the rod tip up.

Let the fish take

the line out if it wants to.

- I think it wants to!

- You caught a big one!

Aw, it's just a fish.

I'll still have some!

[EEG]

Okay, let's get cracking.

RBI-Ii?

"Cracking."

Cracking the safe.

[Em-away

words.

How's the safe-cracking going?

Oh, bees.

- Carl!

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Carl, give me a sledgehammer.

Hey, Larry.

Larry, are you alive?

Just a few more minutes, Ma.

Emma-aim

I know I'm your favorite.

What are ya doin'?

I'm waking you up... gently.

- Did I get it open?

- Absolutely not.

Now watch closely.

They're not gonna give me any.

Holy cow, that's good.

- Oh, sorry.

- Oh yeah, so the vegan gets fish,

and I'm sit-tin' here starvin'?

How does that make any sense?

Hey, I ever tell you the story

of my Great Uncle Philo's secret gold?

Only about a hundred times.

- No, I wanna hear this.

- Okay.

Well, Philu,

he was a crazy old coot.

He spent years

tromping through these woods

looking for gold

in every nook, cranny,

and crevice he could find.

One day he came into town

with a bagful of gold nuggets.

He said he found a cave

lined with gold.

So everyone came out into the bush

with gold fever,

but they didn't find even a speck.

They said Philo is faking.

- Was he?

- No idea.

Well, Philo got

a team of horses?

And he came down

and tried to haul out

as much gold as he could carry.

Now a couple weeks later,

horses came back.

No Philo.

What do you think

happened to him?

Probably [mm.

Great story. I've only heard it

about a gazillion times!

Now about that fish.

I guess I have

told that story a few times.

It's okay, Dad.

Keep on going.

Okay. Well, they say Philo

built a cabin somewhere.

Nobody mm;

You know what we need?

Dynamite.

That'll open

this thing right up!

Yeah! Dynamite.

We blow this sucker!

No! It's liable to damage

the stuff inside.

No, the stuff inside'll be fine.

The dynamite won't damage it.

See?

- It was open the whole time?

- I guess so.

I must have loosened it

with the sledgehammer!

Wan.

- Gold.

- G0ld.

- Carl?

- Yeah?

When you cased the joint, you said

there was five million in bills.

Right.

[NEE

Well, I just thought

that, you know,

"bullion" was like

another nickname for money.

Like, uh, dinero, cashola,

coin, shekels,

rubles, bullion.

Who knew?

Everyone in the world

knew but you, that's who.

I could'a hired anybody

for this job.

Everybody wanted in.

Lefty Leroux.

"Oh yeah," I said,

"Hey, Lefty, take a walk!"

Yeah.

Mickey "The Shank" Muldoon,

"Slippery" Jim McFie,

his brother Spiffy,

they all wanted... I said, "No,

you don't get between brothers."

That's me and Carl...

That's you!

The colossal bonehead!

I always liked Lefty Leroux.

- He tried to kill you!

- I mean, other than that.

He has kind eyes.

- You know what he ain't got?

- What?

Five million in gold bullion!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes