Barracuda

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Are you sure he's in?

- He normally is at this hour.

Mr Clment?

Mr Clment?

It's Mrs Dupr, the concierge.

Are you there?

Next time we take the lift.

With this on, the lift is hell!

Great place, right?

Don't break it!

- Hey, my fingers!

Don't worry, you've got ten.

- Who'd carry the boxes then?

High rent?

- No, it's my uncle's place.

Can I borrow it?

- Come on, you guys!

Where do we start?

- This box.

Hey, out of our way!

Where does this go?

- The end room.

And no arguments, please,

on this marvellous day.

On the right.

The right!

Hello.

I'm your new neighbour.

I've just moved in.

Pleased to meet you. I'm Luc.

Am I disturbing you?

I'm having a house-warming party

on Saturday.

A lot of friends are coming.

It may be noisy.

I hope we won't keep you up.

- Do you like Fred Astaire?

Fred Astaire?

The tap-dancer, right?

Yes, I don't mind tap-dancing.

- I love Fred Astaire.

Yes, Fred Astaire's good.

Care to meet my wife?

- No. I mean, yes.

Of course, but not right now.

I'm really busy and...

What about Sunday, for lunch?

For dinner then, 8 p.m.

Well, see you Sunday.

For dinner.

- Yes, I'll see...

I'll see you on Sunday. All right.

Violette will be pleased.

Violette... is my wife's name.

No problem, no problem...

You made it!

- I had to see your place.

And kill your concierge.

I've already bought all the maps.

We sail from Brest, go down the coast

down to North Africa

then South America and Cape Horn.

Cape Horn?

All the best sailors go round Cape Horn.

- But there'll be storms.

A few gusts won't sink us.

I don't care

as long as we're together.

If I can sell my drawings

we'll have a boat.

Won't you get sick of me?

Don't be silly.

Just the two of us,

three months at sea...

Well?

Why not take the family?

The family? Are you crazy?

Why not the neighbours too?

Our family...

What are you saying?

Wait, are you telling me...?

It's 3 weeks now.

You're having a baby?

We're going to have a baby!

It's Sunday.

We had an appointment.

Hell!

I completely forgot. I'm sorry.

We had such a big party last night.

And I'm going to have a baby.

That's why I forgot.

I've cooked a trout.

But since I forgot...

Maybe another day.

I'm free on Tuesday.

- My wife won't be here on Tuesday.

I've just taken my wife to the station.

She lives out of town

but she'll join me soon.

She's not actually my wife yet.

I'll introduce you.

- Violette's waiting.

I'll say hello but I can't stay.

Hello.

Our new neighbour, Luc.

My wife, Violette.

That's very funny!

Violette knows lots of funny stories.

But they're a bit crude.

Don't you like naughty jokes?

Yes.

Don't you like the trout?

Yes, it's very good.

We can make you something else.

Right, Violette?

No. This is just fine.

Look, I...

I've got a bad headache

and some friends are coming...

- I'll get you an aspirin.

No, don't bother.

Thanks for inviting me.

I'll get the aspirin.

What are you doing?

- Open this door.

You're not leaving?

- Open the door!

What will I tell Violette?

Nothing! Because

your wife's only cardboard!

Don't shout!

- Open it now!

Open the bloody door!

- I will.

Make it quick.

Yes, yes...

We're here, darling.

I hope they're not hurting you.

My wife thinks you're very nice.

She's sorry it was so brief

but you made quite an impression.

On me as well. You're very nice.

My wife is too, don't you think?

Don't you think she's nice?

No, I can't take the tape off.

I'd like to, believe me,

but Violette would never forgive me.

She's quite a character, you see.

Quite a character.

But, apart from that...

she's very nice.

She's sorry it was so short

but I said not to worry

because now you're with us.

I've brought you breakfast.

I've made tea.

And coffee, and chocolate.

Not knowing what you preferred

I made tea

but I wasn't sure you liked tea,

so I made coffee and chocolate too.

Tell me what you don't like

so I can make what you want.

I'll take off the tape so you can eat

but you mustn't shout

because Violette is very tired.

So will you promise not to shout?

Agreed?

F*** you! You bastard!

I'll kill you!

I'm in Clment's place!

Are you in, Mr Clment?

It's Mrs Dupr, your concierge.

What is it?

- I heard a noise when I was vacuuming.

Is everything all right?

I can make a noise if I want to.

Sorry to bother you,

but I heard screams

and thought you might have a problem.

You never know.

I can make a noise if I want to.

Yes, darling.

Yes, I know.

He didn't mean to disturb you.

Yes, my angel,

if that's what you want.

You know...

I love you.

How I love you!

You must be starving.

I've made you dinner.

The problem is

I can't take off your gag.

Violette would be upset.

She was really angry.

You woke her with your screams.

I did stick up for you

but she wouldn't listen.

Violette is very tired lately.

Do you promise

not to be angry with her?

Thank you.

I like eating early.

It makes the evening longer.

But what I really like is musicals.

You know the difference

between tragedy and comedy?

For instance,

If I cut my finger,

just a little cut on the fingertip

a prickle, a thorn, anything

that's tragedy.

But if I die before you

that's comedy because

I'm old and you're young

you have life ahead of you,

sun, the sea, girls...

I never thought about that

before I met you.

Really? Do you mean it?

Fantastic!

Fantastic!

You've won over Mr Astaire!

It's marvellous!

Well, son, how about that?

Aren't you pleased that Mr Astaire...

Fire Brigade.

My nephew is dying.

Please come quickly!

My nephew Luc...

Thanks for coming so soon.

It's at the end of the hall.

Please hurry! Come along!

What happened here?

- What have you done to your nephew?

I'm listening...

Well?

Hello? Paris Fire Brigade.

Can I help you?

All three of us

will be happy together.

You're back with us.

I've been watching over you

for two days. I was so afraid.

Why are you doing this?

You're exhausted.

But you'll get better. I'm here.

What did I do to you?

I've made a hot chocolate.

Slowly... Slowly...

Isn't it good! Easy now.

That's it!

Is it because

I wouldn't stay for dinner?

Right?

If it is,

I'll come for dinner every evening.

I'll come every evening

but please untie me now.

Listen.

If you let me go,

I promise I won't tell anyone.

I won't tell the police.

I'll pretend nothing happened.

They'll start looking for me soon.

Margot, my girlfriend. She'll come.

She will come here and find you.

My parents, too.

And the police as well.

You'll be arrested, tried and locked up.

So you'd better...

- I don't think so.

People may be interested in you

but no one's interested in me.

No one will come here.

I interest no one.

And my wife's not cardboard!

Clment!

Hurry, for God's sake!

Did I wake you up?

I love banging in nails.

I need to piss. I've been tied up

for hours. I can't take it any more!

I've got a surprise for you.

- Want me to wet the bed?

What are you doing?

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