Batman Page #15

In foreground, ROWS OF MAKEUP in startling profusion:

mascara, blusher, eyeliner, lipstick. HALF A DOZEN

BEAUTIFUL MODELS giggle into their makeup mirrors.

In the background VICKI wanders past with a stylish friend,

CLAIRE, who owns and operates the studio.

CLAIRE:

... of course, after Corto Maltese,

this must all seem pretty tame.

VICKI:

Not to me. I need a job.

CLAIRE:

Now Vicki. Everyone knows you've

got your hooks in Bruce Wayne.

VICKI:

Then "everyone" must know something

I don't.

CLAIRE:

(cattily)

Oh. Really. Well. -- Come on,

dear, Tony's dying to see you.

In a corner of the studio, TONY, a gaunt, tubercular Brit,

is shooting a swimsuit layout with two SUPERMODELS. They

all ad lib greetings to VICKI as TONY darts around

hyperkinetically, snapping the girls in a series of poses.

TONY:

Yes, ladies, smiles, show me

those smiles, fabulous, tropical

smiles, think Tahiti, I want to

see teeth, yes, those glorious

teeth --

As VICKI looks on, the SUPERMODELS freeze in place

simultaneously, a strange, STRICKEN LOOK on their faces.

TONY (cont.)

My God no, don't stop now, those

smiles, I need those smiles --

Suddenly the girls are LAUGHING -- but the laughter is

unnatural, involuntary. VICKI, sensing that something is

terribly wrong, lays a hand on CLAIRE's arm.

The MODELS, now wearing HUGE SMILES, begin to TWITCH

SPASMODICALLY. TONY snaps away.

TONY (cont.)

Yes! Oh baby, YES! That's --

(beat)

No! Too far, too far! Pull back,

pull back!

(dropping the camera)

OH MY GOD!

The SUPERMODELS PITCH TO THE FLOOR, shuddering

convulsively, their LIPS drawn back in FRIGHTFUL, FROZEN,

LAB-APE GRINS. VICKI GASPS. CLAIRE SCREAMS. TONY SCREAMS.

CUT TO:

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO - EVENING

The Eyewitness News set, with anchors PATSY NARITA and

DAVE McELROY. Behind them, BLOWUPS of the two dead

SUPERMODELS.

PATSY:

The fashion world was stunned today

by the sudden deaths of top models

Kelly Brinkley and Christie Emberg.

Cause of death has been attributed

to a violent allergic reaction,

although authorities have not yet

ruled out the possibility of drug

use. Dave?

Behind DAVE, on the bluescreen: a HUGE STATUE, covered in

canvas -- not unlike New York's Statue of Liberty.

DAVE:

In Gotham, plans continue for the

city's 300th birthday celebration.

The four-day event will conclude

with the unveiling, in Gotham

Harbor, of the newly restored 'Lady

Gotham'...

A TECHNICIAN'S HAND passes a slip of paper into frame.

DAVE (cont.)

This bulletin just in. Nine more

mysterious deaths at a beauty parlor

in --

Off to the left, PATSY begins to LAUGH. DAVE FROWNS.

DAVE (cont.)

Patsy! This is hardly the --

(his eyes widen)

PATSY!!

An offscreen CRASH. Suddenly DAVE is up out of his seat,

mouth agape in horror.

PATSY HAS GONE INTO CONVULSIONS. CAMERA WHIPS VIOLENTLY

RIGHT AND LEFT as she jerks out of her seat and TOTTERS

UNCONTROLLABLY across the set, LAUGHING INSANELY.

TECHNICIANS rush the soundstage in an unrehearsed frenzy.

PATSY spins like a dervish and LURCHES BACKWARD over the

newsdesk in a death spasm, giving us a quick look at the

grisly Joker's grin etched on her now-lifeless face.

DAVE gestures frantically to the cameraman:

DAVE (cont.)

KILL THE CAMERA!! KILL THE --

Suddenly, CRACKLING VIDEO STATIC wipes out the screen. A

moment later, we're looking at:

SPLITSCREEN CLOSEUP - THE SUPERMODELS

Their gorgeous faces sprout BIG, ANIMATED-CARTOON GRINS as

a BOUNCY TUNE -- "Put on a Happy Face" -- comes up

underneath.

MODELS (CARTOON VOICE)

... Love that Joker!

INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY

THEME MUSIC CONTINUES as a grinning, deranged pitchman --

THE JOKER -- pushes his shopping cart down the aisle. The

shelves are filled with products bearing his TRADEMARK

HARLEQUIN'S FACE. He waves merrily in time to the music.

INT. STUDIO - VIDEO CONTROL BOOTH - THAT MOMENT

PANICKED TECHNICIANS swarm the booth. The studio feed has

been JAMMED. Every monitor shows THE JOKER'S COMMERCIAL.

DIRECTOR:

WHERE'S IT COMING FROM??

TECHNICIAN:

I DON'T KNOW!

CLOSEUP - THE JOKER

JOKER:

... new improved Joker brand. With

the secret ingredient... SMYLENOL!

(a sweep of the hand)

Let's go to our blind taste test.

TIGHT ON an anonymous MAN -- GAGGED AND BLINDFOLDED, tied

to his chair, squirming, struggling. On the table before

him is a package labelled "BRAND X." A SUPERIMPOSED TITLE

reads:
"NOT AN ACTOR."

JOKER (cont.)

Ooh. He's tense. Irritable. Out of

sorts.

(wagging a finger)

He's been using Brand X! But with

new improved Joker brand...

ANGLE WIDENS to include a BLINDFOLDED CORPSE, limp in his

chair, GRINNING HORRIFICALLY.

JOKER (cont.)

... it's a SMILE EVERY TIME!!

EXT. IDYLLIC PASTORAL SETTING - DAY

THE JOKER in a field of wheat. On a picnic blanket before

him are TWO CLEAN-CUT MODELS -- one male, one female, BOTH

DEAD... and GRIMACING HORRIBLY.

JOKER (cont.)

-- and the world smiles with you!

Irresistable -- oh-so-kissable --

He grabs the dead MODELS by the hair. THEIR TEETH CLINK as

he forces their heads together for a post-mortem kiss.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

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