Batman Forever Page #4

BRUCE:
Anyway...

...have a nice trip.

You'll land on your feet.

Is the young master leaving?

Pity.

I'll just toss this away then.

Perhaps the dogs are hungry.

Hey, Al, wait up.

[Soft instrumental music, background]

[Faint sound of voices]

[Distorted sound of gunshot]

[Distorted sound of gunshot]

[Thunder rumbles]

[Priest reciting prayers]

[Melancholic instrumental melody plays,

background]

ALFRED:
Master Bruce?

Master Bruce?

Just like my parents.

It's happening again.

A monster comes out of the night,

a scream, two shots.

I killed them.

What did you say?

He killed them.

Two-Face.

He slaughtered that boy's parents.

ALFRED:
No, no.

You said, "I killed them."

[Sirens blaring in distance]

Take care of the kid.

Certainly, sir.

[Footsteps]

ALFRED:
Can I help you settle in,

Master Grayson?

DICK:
No.

Thanks, I won't be staying long.

[Melancholic instrumental melody plays,

background]

Is this a robin?

My brother's wire broke once

and I swung out and grabbed him.

DICK:
My father said I was his hero.

I flew in like a robin.

Some hero I turned out to be.

But your father was right.

You are a hero. I can tell.

Throw this away, will you?

I won't need it anymore.

ALFRED:
I think I'll just put it in here.

Broken wings mend in time.

One day Robin will fly again.

I promise.

[Batmobile engine roars]

[Batman Forever theme song plays,

background]

[Engines accelerate]

[Thug cackles]

[Carriage rattles]

[Cackles]

[Beep]

[Explosive blast]

[Shrieking]

[Roaring explosion]

[Moans]

[Tires squealing]

[Fast-paced instrumental rhythm,

background]

[Two-Face groans]

TWO-FACE:
We'll drive.

[Rapid machine-gun blasts]

[Cackles]

[Tires squealing]

[Rapid machine-gun blasts]

[Cackles]

[Rapid machine-gun blasts]

[Fast-paced instrumental rhythm

continues, background]

[Mechanical clanking]

[Batmobile engine roars]

[Explosion]

[Gasps]

[Music climaxes]

[Two-Face wails]

[Electronic beeping]

The Puzzler?

[Low-pitched buzzing]

[Electronic beeping]

The Gamester?

[Low-pitched buzzing]

Captain Kill?

[Low-pitched buzzing]

EDWARD:
Question Mark Man?

[Electronic beeping]

EDWARD:
No, no, no!

[High-pitched ringing]

[Sighs]

[Riddler doll chuckles]

[High-pitched ringing]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Giggling]

[Dramatic instrumental music, background]

[Sirens blaring]

The Bat's stubborn refusal to expire...

...is driving us insane!

Don't worry, baby.

[Spice giggles]

You'll kill him soon.

Besides...

...I made your favorite:

Sparkling champagne and...

...yummy poached salmon

with little quail eggs and...

[Two-Face moans]

...a creamy...

...dreamy...

...lemon souffl.

No, I made your favorite:

A charred heart of black boar...

...a side of raw donkey meat...

...and a Sterno and grain alcohol,

straight up, baby!

[AII laugh]

TWO-FACE:
Perfect!

Ladies, you spoil us!

We're of two minds about what to eat first.

[Ding]

What?

RIDDLER:
I hope you made extra.

TWO-FACE:
Who the hell are you?

Just a friend.

But you can call me...

...The Riddler.

[Riddler chuckles]

I'll call you dead, is more like it!

How did you find us? Talk!

But then if I talked, what would keep you

from slaying me, O Segregated One?

That's never going to heal

if you don't stop picking.

Let's see if you bleed green.

Harvey!

[Spice giggles]

It's not me you want to kill.

That's just too easy for someone

as powerful as you and...

...you.

But Batman...

[Gasps]

[Whispers]... there's a challenge.

Kill the Bat! Sounds like a good idea.

But have you thought it through? A few

bullets, a splash of blood, then what?

Wet hands.

Post-homicidal depression.

[Whimpers]

Why not humiliate him first?

Yeah.

RIDDLER:
Expose his frailties.

Then, when he is at his weakest...

[Shouts]... crush him!

I see that...

...sparkle in your left eye.

[Two-Face chuckles]

[Whispers] I can help you get Batman.

That is, if you'II...

...spare my life for just a few moments.

[Two-Face grunts]

[Sighs]

Thank you.

I love what you've done with this place.

Heavy Metal meets House and Garden.

Beautiful.

It's so dark and Gothic and...

...disgustingly decadent.

[Riddler snarls]

RIDDLER:
Yet so bright and chipper and...

...conservative.

[Whistles]

RIDDLER:
It's so you!

[Sings] And yet, so you!

[Chuckles]

Very few people are both a summer

and a winter, but...

...but you pull it off nicely.

[Gunshot]

What's the point?

[Shouts] Has anyone ever told you, you

have a serious impulse-control problem?

[Gun clicks]

This is the point.

[Electronic scanning sounds]

[Fast-paced instrumental beat, background]

This is how I found you.

Let me demonstrate.

[Zap]

[Gasping]

This is your brain on The Box.

This is my brain on The Box.

[Shrieks] Does anyone else feel

like a fried egg?

I'll have more.

[Pop]

There's more. But only the first one's free.

Here's the bargain:

You'll help me steal production capital...

...so I can put a Box on every TV in town...

...and become Gotham's cleverest,

carbon-based life form!

And in return...

Is everybody paying attention?

[Whispers] I will help you solve

the greatest riddle of all.

The mother of all riddles:

Who is...

...Batman?

You broke into our hideout.

You violated the sanctity of our lair.

We should crush your bones into powder.

But you pose an interesting proposition.

Therefore, heads: we accept,

and tails:
we blow your damn head off.

[People yelling and chattering excitedly]

[Two-Face laughs hysterically]

Here's a good one.

TWO-FACE:
No, no, no!

There is a good one.

- Leave that. I'll attend to it.

- I'm not used to being waited on.

[Gasps] Don't shoot me!

THUG:
Don't eyeball me! Give me that!

[Yelling and fighting]

RIDDLER:
Two-Face, show me how

to punch a guy!

It's dead simple, my boy.

Ball up your fist, reach back...

...and assert yourself.

That looks fun. Let me try.

Ball up the fist, reach way back...

assert yourself.

Ow!

[Fast-paced instrumental beat continues,

background]

RIDDLER:
One hundred thousand,

two hundred and twenty.

One hundred and...

[Shouts] I lost count!

[Giggles excitedly]

FEMALE NEWSCASTER ON TV:

Last night another robbery...

... perpetrated by

the Green-Suited Menace...

... resulting in millions in diamonds stolen,

with no sign of Batman.

MALE NEWSCASTER:
Teamed with

Two-Face, this new criminal's pattern...

... of marking his crimes with puzzles

has Gothamites calling him The Riddler.

Apparently, you and Batman

have a common enemy.

That was with the morning mail.

ALFRED:
"The eight of us go forth,

not back.

"To protect our king from the foe's attack."

Chess pawns.

Clock.

Matches.

All physical, man-made objects.

ALFRED:
Small in size, light in weight.

What's the connection?

ALFRED:
With all due respect,

that's why they call him The Riddler.

[Rattling and grunting]

ALFRED:
May I help you?

Why is this the only locked door?

What's back there?

Master Wayne's dead wives.

The silver closet. On your way.

EDWARD:
Now, you can be part

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