Batman Forever Page #7

background]

It's always risky introducing

a tamed animal into the wild.

[Ticking]

[Bounce]

[Explosion]

[Riddler hums and giggles]

They may have trouble adapting

to their new environment.

[Bounce]

[Explosion]

[Groaning and yelling]

[Sighs]

[Snickering]

[Explosion]

[Electronic organ rhythm

as in a baseball game]

[Explosion]

[Grunts] Yeah!

[Ding]

[Groaning and shouting]

Somebody tell the fat lady...

...she's on in five.

[Electronic squeaking]

[Riddler giggles]

[Explosion]

[Laughs hysterically]

[Shouts] "Joygasm!"

[Chaotic yelling]

[Cackles]

[Gunshot]

[Chase screams]

TWO-FACE:
Get the girl!

[Shrieks] No!

Don't kill him.

If you kill him...

...he won't learn nothing.

[Two-Face cackles]

[Riddler cackles]

[Running footsteps]

[Chase screams]

[Dramatic instrumental music, background]

ALFRED:
[Voice echoing] Master Bruce!

How are you, young man?

You haven't called me that for a long time.

Old habits die hard.

Are you all right?

Where's Chase?

ALFRED:
I'm afraid they've taken her.

Master Dick has run away.

The cave has been destroyed.

ALFRED:
And there's another riddle.

[Loud, distorted sound effects]

[Chase groans]

RIDDLER:
I'm coming, my sweet.

RIDDLER:
Like the jacket?

It keeps me safe when I'm...

...jogging at night.

Batman will come for me.

Batman?

[With British accent] Batman, you say?

Coming for you?

[Hollers]

I'm...

[Shrieks]... counting on it.

COMMISSIONER:
What is that?

Where's it coming from?

There!

OFFICER:
Who's doing that?

COMMISSIONER:
The Riddler!

BRUCE:
"We're five little items

of an everyday sort.

"You'll find us all in a tennis court."

BRUCE:
In...

A-E-l-O-U.

Vowels.

Not entirely unclever, sir.

But what do a clock, a match,

chess pawns...

...and vowels have in common?

What do these riddles mean?

BRUCE:
Every riddle contains a number

and they arrived in this order:

13, 1, 8...

... and 5.

ALFRED:
13, 1, 8 and 5.

Meaning?

BRUCE:
Letters of the alphabet?

Of course, 13 is M.

BRUCE:
1 would be A, 8 would be H

and 5 would be E.

ALFRED:
M-A-H-E.

BRUCE:
Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18.

M-R-E.

How about...

..."Mr. E"?

ALFRED:
Mystery?

BRUCE:
Another name for mystery?

Enigma.

Mr. E. Nygma.

Edward Nygma.

BRUCE:
Stickley's suicide was obviously

a computer-generated forgery.

ALFRED:
You really are quite bright,

despite what people say.

BRUCE:
Are all the Batsuits destroyed?

All except the prototype with the sonar

modifications. But it's not tested.

Tonight's a good night.

[Metallic clanking]

BATMAN:
What do you suggest? By sea...

... or by air?

ROBIN:
Why not both?

Who's your tailor?

I took the liberty, sir.

BATMAN:
"R?"

What's that stand for?

Robin.

Riddler and Two-Face can make

a pretty lethal combination.

You could use a hand.

Two against two are better odds.

I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.

"A man's got to go his own way."

A friend taught me that.

Not just a friend.

A partner.

[Batmobile engine roars]

[Robin hollers]

COMMISSIONER:
He's not coming.

Shut it down.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

[Batmobile engine roars]

[Yells] Hey, go!

Go! Go!

[Dramatic instrumental music, background]

[Electronic beeping]

[Two-Face and Riddler giggle]

A-14.

[Explosion]

[Beeping]

Hit!

Sweet!

TWO-FACE:
B-12.

[Explosion]

RIDDLER:
Hit!

My favorite vitamin.

TWO-FACE:
Ha, ha, ha!

[Electronic hissing]

[Laughs] Oh!

[Zooming]

That sinking feeling.

I like this game.

TWO-FACE:
C-9.

[Explosion]

[Thunderous explosion]

[Riddler gasps]

You sunk my battleship!

Who, me?

[Riddler cackles]

[Beeping]

[Beeping]

This is your captain speaking.

Please return to your seats.

We will be experiencing turbulence.

[Zap]

[Explosion]

[Shrieks]

I got him!

I hope they can find the little black box.

[Explosion]

[Dramatic instrumental music, background]

[Gasping]

Now...

...the real game begins.

ROBIN:
Holy rusted metal, Batman!

BATMAN:
Huh?

ROBIN:
The ground, it's all metal.

It's full of holes: holey.

[Loud, distorted sound effects]

BATMAN:
Wait!

ROBIN:
The whole island's moving!

Looking for us?

[Grunting and groaning]

ROBIN:
That was for my mother!

My father!

My brother!

And this is for me!

[Short, panicked screams]

[Dramatic instrumental music, background]

[Loud, distorted sound effects]

TWO-FACE:
Finally, justice is served!

Let us die!

TWO-FACE:
You're a man

after our own heart, son!

[Gasps] I'll see you in hell!

[Both gasping]

I'd rather see you in jail!

[Gasping]

TWO-FACE:
Oh, good boy. Good boy.

The Bat's taught you well.

TWO-FACE:
Noble.

Stupid...

...but noble.

[Loud, distorted sound effects]

[Screeching]

Riddle me this.

Riddle me that.

Who's afraid of the big black bat?

No more tricks, Edward.

Very well, then.

Let's get real.

Release Chase.

This is between you and me.

And me...

[Yells]... and me!

[Riddler cackles]

You've sucked Gotham's brain waves and

now you've devised a way to read minds.

[Riddler cackles]

RIDDLER:
You betcha!

Soon my little Box will be

on countless TV's around the world...

...feeding me credit-card numbers...

RIDDLER:
bank codes...

...sexual fantasies...

...and little white lies.

Into my head they'll go.

RIDDLER:
[Giggles] Victory is inevitable.

For if knowledge is power...

...then a god...

...am...

[Growls]... I!

[Continues growling]

Was that over the top? I can never tell.

[Cackles]

By the way, I've seen your mind. Freak!

Yours is the greatest riddle of all!

RIDDLER:
Can Bruce Wayne and Batman

ever truly coexist?

We'll find out today!

But first, let's meet our contestants.

RIDDLER:
Behind curtain...

...number one...

RIDDLER:
the absolutely fabulous

Dr. Chase Meridian!

[Chase groans]

She enjoys hiking, manicures...

RIDDLER:
and foolishly hopes

to be the love of Bruce's life.

[Squeals and cackles]

Ha!

Behind curtain number two...

..."Fatman's" one and only partner.

RIDDLER:
This acrobat turned orphan...

...likes Saturday-morning cartoons

and dreams of one day being...

...bare-naked with a girl.

Ha!

[Riddler cackles]

And below these contestants...

...my personal favorite:

RIDDLER:
A watery grave.

Just one little touch...

RIDDLER:
and five seconds later

these two players are...

...gull feed on the rocks below.

Ha!

Not enough time to save them both.

Oooh!

Which one will it be, Batman?

RIDDLER:
Bruce's love?

Or the Dark Knight's junior partner?

[Simulated ticking]

BATMAN:
There is no way for me

to save them or myself.

It's all one giant death-trap.

Judges?

[Honks]

I'm sorry. Your answer must be

in the form of a question.

But thank you for playing.

BATMAN:
Wait!

I have a riddle for you.

For me?

[Whispers] Really?

Tell me.

I see without seeing.

To me, darkness is as clear as daylight.

What am I?

RIDDLER:
Please!

You're as blind as a bat!

Exactly.

[Click]

[Swoosh]

[Sugar screams]

[Explosion]

[Thunderous explosion]

[Riddler moans]

Bummer!

[Loud, distorted sound effects]

[Chase screams]

[Zooming]

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