Be Cool Page #5

I know you a whole lot better

than you think I do.

Ivy League rich kid.

Goes to Wharton.

Gets an MBA.

Puts on some Timberlands

and a throwback

and suddenly you got street cred?

Look, I'll tell you the truth, okay?

The Russians took it.

The what?

The Russians.

With one of those insurance scams.

You know, like "give us half a mil

and we won't kill you"?

And, Sin, you knew Tommy, right?

I mean, he never wanted any trouble.

I mean, he gave him

everything we have,

but these Russians,

okay, these monsters,

they're animals.

They kept on coming back

for more and more,

so Tommy told 'em get lost.

To make a long story short...

...I'm a widow now.

Oh, my God.

Excuse me, Chuckles.

It's my wife's cousin.

I really enjoyed that story, Edie.

I mean, Russians.

Russians.

I know it's hard, but...

I'm a highly educated man.

Sincerely, you don't expect me

to believe a story about some Russians.

Now, I suggest

that you open up those books

or things gonna get real ugly

up in here.

Sin, the books are

none of your business.

You'll get the money when NTL has it.

Dabu.

Thank you. Thank you!

Poppin' me is not gonna

do you any good.

But if you wait till Friday,

I get you your money plus the vig.

Plus the vig. All right.

All right, okay.

Everybody cool out.

Everybody calm down.

Calm down, calm down.

Wait, so you sayin' plus the vig?

Plus the vig.

All right. Okay.

All right, all right, cool.

All right, we gonna do this.

Dabu. Bu!

Never get to shoot nobody!

Never!

Don't never let me do

what I wanna do!

You know, it's a long day, man.

You'll get a chance

to kill somebody, all right?

Calm down.

We got some other stops to make today.

All right, so I'm not gonna

kill y'all today.

Now, I'll be generous.

But come Friday,

if you don't have my money,

the next meeting I arrange will be

between you and Tommy Athens,

if you get what I'm sayin'.

I feel ya.

You feel me. You...

Dabu.

Player.

The vig.

I mean, what's a vig?

Oh, my God.

What are we gonna do?

You're gonna give him

your fancy equipment, okay?

Or you're gonna have a garage sale.

We're not selling anything.

Hey, where are you goin'?

Gotta see Nicky Carr.

Black Eyed Peas are playing tonight,

if you're interested.

You say there's a dark parking lot

by the Mayan, right?

Why you trippin' on me, Elliot?

Are you still crying

over that Chili Palmer sh*t?

No. He just... he said

he was gonna call me, that's all.

And did he call you back?

He's just messing

with your head, man!

Ain't no Samoan f*ggot

going by the name Elliot Wilhelm

is gonna make it to the big screen.

Raisin' a goddamn eyebrow.

I understand sh*t like this

'cause I ain't a homo.

Once you turn f*ggot,

you lose all self-respect.

You're not wired right.

Man, what the hell

you stoppin' the car here for?

,

You move the car,

we can all get to work.

Man, why you

stopping the car here, man?

What are you doin'?

- Get your ass back in the car.

- I'm gonna kick your ass.

Steering wheel's

in the front of the car, fool.

What's up? What?

You say it again and I quit.

What'd I say?

The f*ggot thing?

The homo?

Man, I'm walkin'.

I ain't even trippin', man.

I'm... What'd I say?

What'd I say?

Okay, Elliot, I know you frustrated

with all this bodyguard sh*t and whatnot.

I smell you, man.

I feel you pain.

This sh*t's temporary.

Stop crowdin' my sh*t.

When I signed you four years ago,

I said, "Man, that man can sing. "

I said, "He's gonna be a big star. "

A big star, man.

That's why I laid out all the paper

to put you up in a video.

I put paper down, man,

to put you in a video.

Right?

No one else

on this damn beach has a video.

Man, I love you like a brother.

I used to bag on you all the time.

Man, you trippin'.

Why you doin' that, man?

Wanna take a shot at me, kid?

Do it.

Do it!

I'm just sayin' if that's what this

is gonna be, then it's gonna be that.

But I would prefer to stay

on the same page.

Man, let your voice be your ladder.

Man, I'm serious.

This acting sh*t

got you acting crazy, man.

What's up?

You know I love you, man.

Come on, man.

E. Weazy!

Come on, baby!

E. Weazy!

Come on, baby.

E. Weazy.

Come on, I'm clownin', baby.

You know I'm clownin'.

Turn around 'cause you know I'm clownin'.

Come on, player, stop hatin'.

Stop hatin'.

Start participatin'.

Start participatin', star.

Come on, twinkle, twinkle, baby.

Twinkle, twinkle.

Come on, Larry.

You sound like an A&R guy.

I'm bangin' the phones

like a goddamn wild man.

Larry, I'll call you back.

I heard Sean Penn lives up here.

- You see him much?

- Not as much as I'd like.

How'd you get in here?

Your maid left the back door open.

- I don't have a maid.

- I can tell.

Come on. Get out of here

before I have to shoot you.

Nah, Nicky, sit down

and stop being such a hard-on.

So, Mr. Red Hot Chili Pepper.

I heard you were at the Viper Room.

So Raji told you about Linda Moon.

She's something else, huh?

The heart and soul of that group.

I'm telling you, bro,

the Chicks are gonna be big.

How's that?

By singing songs from the '70s?

Don't laugh.

You see, you're a movie guy,

so you don't know,

but the music biz,

it goes in cycles.

It's like Linda.

When I signed her,

girl power was dead.

It was the era

of the singer-songwriter.

But now the market's flooded.

What do the labels want?

Girl groups.

Nicky, look at me.

I am.

I want Linda's contract.

If you want to produce

Linda's album, great.

I'm sure you can even get

a buck a record.

But I got her booked

into some major gigs, bro.

And I'm two seconds away

from getting her a deal.

You mean you've had Linda for two years

and you've never gotten her a record deal?

Chili, a trio is not born overnight.

I've had her for three days,

and I already got her a label.

So it looks

like we don't need you, Nicky.

Let's get something straight.

This isn't the movies.

You can't tell everyone you're a wise guy

and charm their pants off.

This is the music business.

We're all wise guys.

All right, wise guy, I'll make you a deal.

Carosell, which is the dumbest name

I've ever heard for a company,

gives me Linda Moon's contract,

and if you ever threaten her

in any way,

you'll regret it

for as long as you live, if that.

That's some deal.

What's in it for me?

I'll just make-believe that that dead

Russian that I found in my house

had nothing to do with you.

You don't know

what you're doing, Chil.

What makes you even think

Linda could make it on her own?

She's got me.

He's gonna cry till I tell him

that I'll never roam

So, Chattanooga Choo-Choo,

won't you choo-choo me home?

So, you're like a rapper now?

Sniff Doggy Doo-doo.

You clownin' my gear again?

You know you like this, Joe.

Come on, Joe!

You know my style

makes the ladies smile.

They just started

Chattanooga Choo-Choo.

I love that song.

I can't believe they did that.

Damn, man.

I wish I coulda heard that.

I like a good choo-choo song.

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