Beaches Page #5

Stop. Wait. Stop.

I like the sound.

It's a great little sound.

Click. Click, click.

So, you hear anything

about Hillary?

Um, her father

took a turn for the worst...

and she has to stay in San Francisco

a little longer than she thought.

You play.

Ill just watch.

- You mean, play alone?

- Yeah, you do that pretty good.

Dear Ceece,

I thought it over and I feel you

should be true to your talent...

and not be seduced

by the money of Broadway.

By the way,

how are my plants doing?

I gotta tell you, girls,

you don't look that good.

I wish you'd cheer up.

She'll be back soon.

I miss her too.

Now, come on, John, what do

we need signers for?

How many deaf people

are gonna come see our show?

Three. Three deaf people

always come to see any show.

Will you get out of my office?

I don't want to talk

about it anymore.

- CC ! CC, come on.

-What?

- Hi, Bill. What's the matter?

- Come, come in here. Come.

Where the heck were you

all day yesterday?

Shopping. Why?

- Why? I must have tried

to call you a billion times.

- No kidding?

My machine must be broken.

I wonder who else called.

What's the matter?

What did you want?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

I guess I missed you.

That's a nice thing to say.

- You want to have dinner tonight

again after the show?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Like a real date?

- Real.

- Semi-date.

- Whatever.

Okay.

Any news

about the funeral?

The funeral.

Well--

The funeral was yesterday,

and she's gonna stay

a little while longer...

to settle the estate

with her father's lawyer.

That's all I know.

-Well, Hillary, I did it.

- Bye, Mr.--

Im leaving the Falcon Players

next month...

to start that bawdy revue

I told you about,

the one called ''Sizzle.''

I know you don't approve,

but, hey, Im gonna be rich.

I can't wait.

Suicide.

Dear CC, Well, I did it.

Im Mrs. Michael Essex.

Michael wasn't

just my father's lawyer.

He was the son

my father never had.

And in his final days, it gave him

great joy to see us together.

The ceremony was beautiful...

and our wedding reception

small but lovely.

The only flaw

was your absence.

But I understand

the show must go on.

By the way, hows John?

Do you see much of him

socially?

Last night, when

we were making love...

did you say

you loved me?

What?

I thought I heard you say

you loved me.

Did you?

Yes, I did.

Is that usual?

What do you mean?

I mean, is it part

of your routine?

Do you say it

to everybody?

I don't have a routine, CC.

I haven't said it to anybody

in ten years.

Is that true?

Im a womaniser, CC.

Im not a liar.

That's great...

'cause I have

the most wonderful idea.

For richer or poorer,

in sickness and in health,

till death do you part.

CC and John,

by the power vested in me

by the state of New York...

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

By the way,

you may kiss the bride.

Here's your tape.

Ive got to get back

to my lunch.

- What did you do that for?

- This is the happiest moment

of my life.

I don't ever want you

to forget it.

Does that make any sense?

Perfect.

I t makes perfect sense.

I know you by heart

That's CC Bloom's

biggest hit of 1 988.

Thousands of CC's fans

were disappointed last night

when her concert was rained out.

insiders say shed left earlier

for personal reasons,

but whatever the reason...

all money will be refunded

and the concert rescheduled

for a tater date.

Putt over, please.

- She's running ten minutes late.

- I waited a year for this play.

Hillary.

Hillary,

the curtain's going up.

Oh, sorry, Michael.

And now we take you back

to 1 9th century Bavaria...

for a very sad story about two

of my favourite subjects:

industrial theft

and bosoms !

Otto Titsling

inventor and Kraut

Had nothing

to get very worked up about

His inventions were failures

His future seemed bleak

He fled to the opera

at least twice a week

One night at the opera

He saw an Aida

Whose bust was so big

it would often impede her

Bug-eyed, he watched her

fall into the pit.

Done in by the weight

of those terrible tits

Oh, my God

There she blows

Aerodynamically

this girl was a mess

Otto eyeballed the diva lying

comatose amongst the reeds

And he suddenly felt the fire of

inspiration flood out of his soul

He ran back to his workshop where

he futzed and futzed and futzed

For Otto Titsling

had found his quest

To lift and mould

the female breast

To point the small ones

to the sky

To keep the big ones

high and dry

Every night

he'd sweat and snort

Searching for

the right support

He tried some string

and paper clips

Hey, he even tried

his own two lips

Well, he stitched and he slaved

and he staved and he stitched

Until finally one night

in the wee hours of morning

Otto arose from his

workbench triumphant, yes

He had invented the world's

First over-the-shoulder

Boulder-holder

Hooray

Exhausted, but ecstatic

Otto ran out to the diva

Bearing the prototype

in his hot little hand

But little

did Otto know

At the moment

of his greatest triumph

lurking under the diva's bed

was none other

Than the very worst

of the French patent thieves

Phillipe de Brassiere

And PhiI was watching the

scene with a great deal of interest

later that night

white our Aida slept

into the wardrobe

Phillipe softly crept

He fumbled through knickers

and corsets galore

Till he found Otto's tit sling

and he ran out the door

Crying, ''Oh, my God

What joy, what bliss''

''Im gonna make me

a million from this''

''Every woman in the world

will want to buy one''

''I will have

all the goods''

''Manufactured in Taiwan''

Ooh !

The result

of this swindle

Is pointedly clear

Do you buy a Titsling

Or do you buy

a Brassiere

Hoo !

Listen, Ive got a racquetball

court in the morning.

So we go in, say hello, a quick

dinner and back to the hotel

nice and early, right?

- We already agreed on that.

- And let's be sure to tell her how

wonderful we thought the show was.

- You are going to be civil,

aren't you?

- Of course Im going to be civil.

She's your very best friend

in the whole wide world, right?

Ta-da ! I can't believe

it's really you.

Im so happy

to see you again.

Oh, Hillary, Hillary.

And you.

- This is Michael.

- Oh, hello, Michael.

- You were fabulous tonight.

- Oh, it's so exciting

to finally meet you.

That Otto thing that you did--

I really enjoyed it.

Stay, stay,

Arthur. Stay.

Stay. Arthur, Arthur,

back to the bedroom.

Back ! You're

embarrassing me, you idiot !

Get back ! Go back,

you brain-damaged bag of bones

or Ill Have you gassed !

- This is quite an apartment.

- Oh, do you like it?

Im so glad.

Naturally, of course, we're paying

through the nose for it, but...

really I think it's worth

every single penny.

We're leasing, but we have

an option to buy.

It's so close

to the theater and the stores.

Remember when we said we wouldn't

be caught dead above 1 4th Street?

I couldn't bear that downtown

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