Bean

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. BOARDROOM - DAY

A very grand room, with lots of wood and some very famous portraits

round the walls.

A group of grave gentlemen and gentlewomen. They are the trustees of

the National Gallery. LORD WALTON, a very grand man, sits at the table

head. To his right sits his assistant, GARETH. All are deep in

thought. LORD WALTON fidgets with a pencil on the table. He raises

his head as though about to speak. Everyone looks up expectantly.

And... LORD WALTON goes back to fidgeting. So does everyone else.

CUT TO:

CREDIT. POLYGRAM & WORKING TITLE PRESENT.

CUT TO:

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. BOARD ROOM - DAY

The scene is as silent and static as we left it Last... then:

GARETH:

I suppose we could just sack him.

CUT TO:

EXT. MR BEAN'S STREET. DAY

Mr BEAN comes out of his house, ready to face the world-

He walks up the street, tutting slightly at a 'NO PARKING' sign he

passes. The street is totally car-free except for a very visible lime

green mini. A policeman strolls by and glances down at a pair of legs

sticking out from under it, next to a toolbox. He moves on, satisfied

that someone is mending their car.

BEAN approaches the car and whips out the fake legs he left there. He

then unlocks the big padlock that secures the car door, pops the fake

legs inside, fiddles with something else in the back seat, and drives

away at a frightening speed with a smug look on his face.

The Theme Music - big and dramatic - begins, as do the rest of the

credits.

BEAN gaily motors on - then unexpectedly the sweeping theme tune jumps,

as if it has hit a scratch: the cinema audience should be worried

there's a sound fault.

BEAN comes to a street full of sleeping policemen ~ he goes at them at

quite a lick - and every time he shoots over one of the bumps, the

theme tune jumps violently.

BEAN looks a little annoyed into the back seat - we now see the cause

of the problem. Instead of having a car radio, BEAN has an old record

player strapped into the back seat, playing the theme tune.

On he drives, through empty streets - then JOLT - he's reached the

glorious familiarity of Central London, Big Ben and all - but heels now

in dreadful traffic.

Heels not happy. He looks to the left and sees a very thin alleyway.

He takes out a metal comb from his pocket and, using it like a bomber's

sight-line-checker, measures the front of his car and the width of the

alley. He 'S satisfied - does a 90-degree turn - and shoots down the

alley. It is such a perfect fit that sparks fly from the door handles

as they graze the walls.

But at the end of the alley, the traffic's just as bad. BEAN notices

he's outside Harrods. There's a tail-coated Security Guard at the

'front door. BEAN watches him stroll a bit down the street - and takes

his chance. He turns and drives straight through the double doors,

into the store.

2

INT. HARRODS. DAY.

BEAN and his car whizz through the ground floor, past perfume counters

and leather glove racks.

CUT TO a Security Guard. As he passes one of the counters, BEAN's

little car just shoots behind him. The Guard continues through the

Children's section there are giant elephants and teddies, children's

size cars, then two huge plastic tractors - and then, stock still,

strangely in harmony actually, the Lime Green Mini with BEAN in it.

The Guard walks straight past.

The moment he is gone, BEAN shoots off again - but, damn!, spies

another Guard and is forced to turn and drive down some very steep

stairs indeed. The theme song goes CRAZY as the record player jumps.

CUT TO:

6 people waiting at a gilded lift. They hear a strange sound, and turn

to see what it is. In fact, it's coming from inside the lift. When

the lift doors open, out shoots the Mini through the double doors and

back into the street.

3

EXT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE. DAY.

Out in the street, BEAN is faced by an accident. There are flashing

lights, a crumpled car, suggestions of hurt passengers. BEAN looks

concerned.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE STRAND. DAY.

An Ambulance roars through the traffic. It reaches its hospital, turns

off, and there, right smack behind it is the Mini. Cut in to see BEAN,

smiling broadly. He whizzes into Trafalgar Square, maybe even across

it, sending pigeons and tourists flying, and parks directly outside the

statuesque National Gallery. Of course, there's not another car there.

Just the Gallery and the mini.

CUT TO:

EXT. NATIONAL GALLERY - DAY

BEAN gets out of the car, takes out his bag - thinks a little, opens it

and takes out a "Doctor on Call' sign. To re-enforce it, he puts a

bone in the back window and a skull of the front seat. Happy with the

arrangement, he re-locks the padlock and sets off smiling up the big,

stairs to work.

As he does so, pan up the building, and into the window of the room

where that Board meeting was taking place.

CUT TO:

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. BOARDROOM - DAY

GARETH:

Look, I don't hate the man but ...

LORD WALTON:

I know, Gareth. It's the mental strain he inflicts on us all. How is

Professor Bradbury

A grand gentleman, MR MORRISON, pipes up.

I'm MORRISON

Heels got the feeling back in his fingers - but his hands are still

stapled together.

LORD WALTON:

Mmmm, and how far are we with the computer, Hubert?

4

HUBERT:

Timothy is loading the final catalogue data as we speak, Milord. An

awful thing to say, but when the program's up and running our, Mr. Bean

will become a little less than .... useful?

A glimmer of hope.

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. PORTRAIT SECTION - DAY

BEAN wanders past three or four portraits and mimics the characters in

them. He passes a guard.

GUARD:

(not looking up from his book)

Morning, Bean.

The GUARD sighs with boredom. He gets this from BEAN every day. As

Bean moves on, he treads on the heel of a tourist's shoe. It comes

off- BEAN moves on blithely.

CUT TO:

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. CARTOON ROOM ENTRANCE - DAY

BEAN is passing the very special room where Leonardo Da Vinci's

cartoon, 'The Virgin and Child', hangs, preserved by a very dim

artificial light. There are silhouettes of a few tourists in the room

reverently studying the work, listening to a female GALLERY GUIDE.

BEAN dips into his pocket for his identity badge and in so doing brings

out a coin. The coin drops and rolls into the special room. BEAN

follows it into the darkness.

GALLERY GUIDE:

(hushed)

... by Leonardo Da Vinci. As you can see, the special light in here

goes some way to protect the drawing from photodisintegration caused by

gamma ...

The camera stays outside the room with the picture in view. We hear

the squeak of a tiny door open, then a click. The room is suddenly

flooded in blazing white light. The onlookers gasp in horror.

5

BEAN re-emerges from the room with his precious coin. As an

afterthought he pops his hand round the doorway and turns off the

light. He scuttles away. The GALLERY GUIDE shakes her head in total

exasperation.

CUT TO:

INT. NATIONAL GALLERY. BOARDROOM - DAY

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