Beastly

And the next candidate

for Buckston High School

Green Committee President,

Kyle Kingson.

True or false...

you are an aggressively

unattractive person.

Hatchet face, face-ache,

face like burnt lego?

Or did you only

just miss the beauty boat.

Any which way,

best embrace the suck.

Beautiful people get it better.

That's just the way it is.

So-So... what does this got to do

with running for

Green Committee President?

Not much. Except...

you'll never elect me 'cause of

my commitment to the environment.

I don't have one.

I want this for my transcript.

But what you got to ask

yourselves is,

should you vote for me just

because I'm the rich, popular,

goodlooking guy

with the famous dad?

And the answer is, hell yeah.

Palm of your hand, man,

palm of your hand.

Stellar Angels in America essay.

I appreciate all the extra time

you spent with me, Mr. Bernstein.

You hate that teacher's guts.

Whatever it takes,

'til the college recs are in.

Speech killed.

Speaking of killing, you see that

ball-biting, voodoo-tatted slut.

But really, who gives?

Stick to my mantra

steer clear of the witch.

I'll put it out of your head later.

What the sh*t?

Maybe it's just me,

but shouldn't whoever runs

the Green Committee

actually care about things green?

Or be green, like the rest of

your facially disabled coven?

Throw it to someone deserving.

Lindy Taylor's

only going for Treasurer

because she knew she couldn't win

President against you.

No, no, no. I...

But I think we're all hoping that

in the privacy of the voting booth

your bandwagoneers will stop

fearing for their social lives

and make the right choice.

And might I just add,

looks are important to you.

They're important to everyone.

Except you, clearly.

Appreciate the smear campaign

and kudos to you and

your bitchcrafty friend

for staging a little coup,

but if you wanted Prez,

you shoulda had...

Actually, I don't want Prez,

I don't know Kendra and

I don't let others speak for me.

But maybe that's just me being

the defensive scholarship kid. So,

best of luck tomorrow.

And it's nice to finally meet you

after three years.

How are you?

Not bad.

Elections today.

Great.

No, not you.

I was talking to my son.

- Did us proud.

- Yeah, all right.

Experimented with heroin too.

Terrific. Uh, wait, hold on. Jill,

I got to go.

Hey, I'm sorry, Jill got canned.

Yeah, it's probably the way

the baby ten looked on camera.

And she's a big-boned girl

to begin with.

People like people who look good.

Anyone who says otherwise

is dumb or ugly.

- Who's Jill?

- I told you about her.

I don't think so.

And I know this because

the last time we had a conversation

that lasted more than five minutes

was sophomore year.

I hear you.

Why don't you leave me alone?

When I told you

I had brain cancer.

And? Oh, shoot. Hang on.

Rob Kingson.

What?

Nothing. I say good night.

Why, 'cause you need to get home

to your sixteen children?

My three children live in Jamaica

with their father, which you know.

Do me a favor.

Save the sob stories

for your heart-to-hearts

with Mr. Clean.

You no vex me,

you stoosh ginnygog.

And next year's GC president

Kyle Kingson.

Josh Black, please report

to the principal's office.

Don't think it was a landslide,

if it makes you feel better.

And... and I'm sorry.

Is bullshit one word or two?

No, it's not...

And I want to make it up to you.

I get two Green Party VIP passes.

Scores you greenroom access,

that kinda thing. Want one?

- What's the catch?

- No catch.

- So I'd be like, going with you?

- Yeah.

What about your girl friend?

Deep-fried barbie doll

e-dumped me last night.

Hey, I don't know

what game this is, but I'll play.

Really?

Everyone deserves

a second chance.

Besides, you know what

they say about me, don't you?

Vicious gossip.

And only idiots screw

with witches.

Careful now.

Tell me you did not

get a cheap-ass rose.

Them no have the orchid.

They didn't have it?

I told you two weeks ago

to order it.

You tell me yesterday,

But listen.

"A symbol of humility,

the white rose also say,

'I am loyal and worthy of you.'"

WTF?

And it also means

I am loyal and worthy of you.

- Go blow a goat.

- I'm sorry.

The orchid was

this year's yellow ribbon.

It was a political statement.

Thanks for making me

look like an insensitive b*tch.

I mean does it suck so bad?

No, it's... badass.

Did I ever congratulate you

on treasurer?

Probably never apologized for

my aholian election behavior either.

Well... two weeks ago

was the first and last time

you spoke to me in three years.

So, um... no.

Sorry on all counts.

Got to slave here all night?

Slaving all year.

Work-study?

Yeah. I'm saving

for the Machu Picchu trip.

But my shift's almost over.

Just in time for the real fun.

Yeah, right.

She blows it off.

Too cool for school?

Definitely not. Just...

Not your thing.

That, and... well, that.

What can I say?

I'm substance over style.

A dying breed.

Never too late to join.

Think I already

drank the kool-aid.

Always hope.

- Take a picture with me.

- What?

School newspaper.

But I'll need to approve it

before it runs.

Hold up.

- What else'll I do with it?

- "I'm worthy of you."

What?

What white roses mean.

Lamecore, I know.

And obviously not what I,

uh, thought you meant.

No, it's just...

See you later.

Don't be a stranger.

- What's with her?

- Pity mack.

Cause you got a flesh-eater

at 4 o'clock.

And here we go.

You actually bought it.

You bought that I'd hook up with you

the self-mutilated,

tatted Frankenskank

who publicly humiliated me,

almost cost me the election?

No dice, sunshine.

But hey, you can buy a ticket.

Or here's a secret.

Sometimes they let you

in just 'cause you're eye candy.

She eye-candy?

Rules are she needs a ticket.

Ah well, que sera, sera.

Spanish for sucks to be an ugly cow.

I only came to give you

a second chance.

- Guess I blew it.

- I Guess so.

But Kyle?

Best embrace the suck.

Relax. Kyle,

I already forgave you. Come on.

God, you're sweating like a pig.

You see the way she looked at me?

So what?

- I got to go.

- Kyle.

How are you feeling, Kyle?

Kendra? What're you doing here?

I'm here for everyone

who just missed the beauty boat.

What?

And all the self-mutilating,

tatted Frankenskanks.

It was Ajoke.

I didn't get it.

But pretty soon, you will.

You have a year to find

someone to love you.

Before the tree blooms again.

When the spring flowers bloom again,

the year is up,

And either the words "I love you"

will release you from the spell

or stay like this forever.

Like what?

No!

No!

No!

As aggressively unattractive outside

as you are inside.

Wait!

You have a year

to find someone to love you.

Or stay like this forever.

Dad.

Jesus, you scared me.

Don't turn on the light.

- Why?

- Please.

What's going on?

Why do you love me?

Kind of a question is that?

- Just answer it.

- Because you're my son.

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