Beat the Devil Page #6

to see you're alive.

But your wife is

in a fainting condition.

You mean, you're not dead

at all?

Obviously I'm not dead.

I knew you weren't dead.

I counted 13 backwards

My old Spanish nurse said

if you did that,

a miracle would happen,

and you see it has.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring

you the glad tidings.

The captain is sober,

and the S.S. Nyanga

will sail at midnight.

I can't see it anywhere.

What can have happened to it?

My dispatch box, where is it?

A black tin box, this size.

What have you done with it?

I told you to take the most

particular care of it.

I shall not go onboard till

my dispatch box has been found.

Having trouble, Chelm?

Nothing I can't cope

with myself, thank you.

He says he put it in your cabin.

Whatever it is.

Idiot. Why didn't he say so

in the first place?

Say, look, what's happened

to Harry?

He's been giving me

the fisheye all evening.

- Oh.

- What is it?

Perhaps it's because when I

thought you were dead, I-

I told him

I was in love with you.

You what?

I couldn't help it.

It made you seem less dead.

And?

Oh, he didn't believe me.

He thought my nerves were upset.

A sort of delirium.

He thought it quite a joke,

the idea of my inventing

a love affair

with a middle-aged

roustabout like you.

That's what he called you.

Well, now, that I'm back

in the flesh,

he'll begin wondering about

that delirium of yours.

I suppose seeing you alive

is different

from thinking of you dead.

It'll be just great,

cooped up on that tub

with a suspicious husband.

Billy,

let's not go.

What do you mean?

I'm asking you

to run away with me.

Now.

What about the millions

in hard currency?

What's happened to you?

I thought you were

my shrewd little manager.

I've changed my point of view.

I thought we'd get to Africa

and you'd make your fortune

and everything

would be wonderful.

But now I think

it's all too risky.

Too many things can happen.

I want us to cut

and run for it. Right now.

You really mean that?

With all my heart.

Oh, no, that's impossible.

Why?

Well, for one thing,

Mrs. Dannreuther

might not go for the idea.

She's not quite

as sophisticated as you are.

Please, Billy, listen to me.

I've thought it all out.

We'll take the bus and-

And catch an express

for somewhere-

No, no, the shot's not

on the table.

You're not in love

the way I am.

If I loved you a thousand times

more than you say you love me,

it still wouldn't make

any difference.

I've got to have money.

Doctor's orders are that I must

have a lot of money,

otherwise I become dull,

listless

and have trouble

with my complexion.

But you're not like that now

and you haven't any money.

It's my expectations

that hold me together.

You really mean that,

don't you, darling?

Sure I mean it.

And your main reason

for wanting lots of money

is so that you'll be

ever so attractive

and I'll love you more and more.

That's right, baby.

I'll help you, Billy.

I can too.

I'm something of a witch.

My old Spanish nurse said I

could have been a professional.

Well, don't look now, but

they're raising the gangway.

Sea air, ozone.

What a pity we can't bottle it,

gentlemen.

What a fortune we'd make.

Neptune's mixture.

Now, breathe deeply.

Remember, every breath is

a guinea in the bank of health.

Good morning, Chelm.

Why, that's good.

Very good indeed.

I didn't know you were

an artist, Mrs. Dannreuther.

I'd hardly call myself that.

I only dabble.

The nose

is not enough long.

The ears are too small.

Only has one eye.

Come along, gentlemen,

we must not dawdle.

Blow the man down, bully

Blow the man down

Blow, blow

Blow the man down

Blow the man down, bully

Blow the man down

Good morning, Mrs. Chelm.

Let's hope she breaks her neck.

Blow the man down, bully

Blow the man down

Blow the man down, bully

Blow the man down

Blow, blow, blow the man down

Blow the man down, bully

Blow the man down

Give me some time

To blow the man down

Mr. Peterson.

Mr. Peterson.

A radiogram.

"No Chelm estate

Gloucestershire. Stop.

No landed gentry Chelm."

What do you make of that?

He's not

a Gloucestershire squire.

Like Billy said.

Just as I was beginning to take

Billy at his face value.

Yes, but if he is not what Billy

said, then- Then what is he?

We are at sea again, gentlemen.

In more ways than one.

Mystery.

More mystery.

Billy is a liar.

Heaven only knows what Chelm is.

CID, maybe?

You borrowed my thought.

What to do? What to do?

The time has come

for direct action.

Do you remember last night

when we came onboard,

the fuss he was making

about his dispatch box?

I love colors.

Working with them

is an endless puzzle.

Your face, for instance.

Ten minutes ago

it was all brown and pink.

Now the light has changed

and it's chalky white.

What?

Tinged with green.

Green?

It must be getting rough.

Just a little.

Don't break the pose.

I don't feel very well.

I think I'll go below

and take a pill.

It's incredible.

Harry Chelm is just-

Just Harry Chelm.

Nothing. Nobody.

A ruddy refugee

from Earls Court.

With a hot water bottle.

Look.

And a letter of introduction

to the secretary

of the governor.

The secretary, mind you,

disgusting.

Purser, my box.

Uh, a bit up and down,

isn't it, sir?

It's gone.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Major Ross took it.

I saw him sneak it

out of your cabin.

I like to keep my eye on what

goes on aboard the ship.

Where did he take it?

I believe,

Mr. Peterson's cabin.

In fact, I'm sure.

Ah.

Now, may I ask what explanation

you have to offer?

He forgot

his hot water bottle.

Billy.

Come in.

Billy, have you heard

what's happened?

Haven't seen

a paper in days.

It's not funny.

They've stolen

Harry's dispatch box.

Who stole his dispatch box?

That dreadful little major.

He took it to Peterson.

They went through it.

Well, it's all your fault.

I suppose you know that.

My fault?

The poppycock

you've been peddling.

All that junk about

the Chelm interests in London.

Uranium on your land.

Well, in a way,

you're the one to blame.

I'm the-?

I mean, you acted

so superior.

I was falling in love with you,

and I- I couldn't bear it

for you to think

I was just a nobody

married to the son of

a boardinghouse in Earls Court.

The- The son of a what?

A boardinghouse.

That's what

Harry's parents do.

They run a boardinghouse

for decayed gentlefolk.

Well, but the way he talks,

the way he acts. I thought-

It's just that he sees

himself in a place

in the west country

with trout streams and horses,

leading the life

of a country squire.

It's not his fault if people

take it for granted

that he has a place like that.

He's never once said

that he had.

Well, country gent,

son of a boardinghouse,

or whatever he is,

I suppose I'd better

get his box back.

Oh, he got it back himself.

Well, then,

there's no harm done.

Except that Harry's gone

to the captain.

He's going to have them

put in irons.

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