Bedlam Page #4

I like men to be as big as beer

and as strong as gin.

Beer has a head on it, you know...

and you can't say that for wine.

And gin has muscle in it.

And you can't say that for wine, either.

Bless me. I have never heard

anyone put it that way before.

There is much to be said

for our national institutions.

Come in.

She refused?

- She said it was not enough.

- What sort of game is this?

Mistress Bowen told me to tell you...

the bird will remain for sale...

and that you could sell

every property you owned...

and not have money enough to buy it.

So that's the way the wind blows, milord.

Malign me!

The girl digs her spurs too deep.

Milord, we can always make her my guest.

At Bedlam?

No.

She's as sane as you and I.

Was Colby mad? He was my guest.

We've been good comrades, Nell and I.

- I'll not do that.

- As you wish, milord.

Here, milord.

Confusion to your enemies.

It's a shrewd trick.

You can't restrain a parrot from slander.

You can't exercise the right of privacy

against a bird.

But I think I have a way, milord.

Another drink, milord.

It'll make you a lion.

I'm an angry man.

There are laws

against the depredations of livestock.

Is not a parrot livestock?

Are you not suffering great loss?

You know that...

he who steals my purse,

steals trash, but he who...

Why, I heard that at the playhouse.

What do you suggest?

We can swear out a writ of seizure...

send a bailiff for the parrot

and have it here within the hour.

- We could do that.

- Indeed we can.

Arrest a parrot?

I'll drink on that, milord.

All right. Come along.

I told thee no good would come of it.

Thee cannot mock thy friends this way.

Mock him? He'll wish I'd only mocked him

when I've finished.

Softly.

I swore I'd wring its neck.

Give me that bird, Varney.

Your gifts you can take back, milord...

but the parrot was mine, is mine,

and remains mine as long as I want.

Thee must be careful of other's property.

Curse you, man.

You shall fight me for this.

- Draw, man, draw!

- Thee can see I carry no weapon.

I do not fight nor brawl with other men.

- You shall fight me.

- I cannot.

Fight or I'll run you through.

- Will you fight?

- Milord.

My friend, thee has no quarrel with me.

Let me go!

Thee must not mock thy friend.

Lord Mortimer.

Thee can earn an honest living for thyself.

I had to sew my costumes

when I was on the stage.

Two shillings a week

and all found for a seamstress.

One can live well on that if one is frugal.

What would I do with Varney?

Who'd have him?

Thee has not strength enough

for a mason, Varney.

- You see?

- Just the same, I'll give Varney work.

He shall sweep up the dust here.

He has strength enough for that.

He sweeps and I sew.

All very fine, but not very exciting.

What do you think about it, Varney?

I like a merry life, Mistress Bowen.

And so, by blazes, so do I.

Everyone makes his living

with his own tricks.

My tricks are not yours,

Master Stonemason.

If I may say a word, Mistress Bowen...

you still have many friends.

That I have.

There's Captain Stafford.

But he's always talking about Fontenoy.

There's Armiston and Wilkes.

There's Wilkes.

That Devil Wilkes.

So far as I am concerned,

dear Mistress Bowen...

you need not teach your parrot

any special phrases for my benefit.

Am I to understand from that,

Master Wilkes, that you're not interested?

Not in Bedlam nor in me?

I did not mean that.

I meant only that I am a different sort

of man from Lord Mortimer.

I am not easily pleased.

I think you expect too much,

Master Wilkes.

I offer more.

You want to fight the nastiness

and corruption of Bedlam.

I offer you political alliance

with John Wilkes...

whom his gracious majesty

has pleased to call "that Devil."

Bring me the evidence

and I'll be pleased to take it to court.

Let us say that puts a brighter face

on matters, Master Wilkes.

One gives a girl a kiss

to seal a certain kind of bargain, Nell.

This is a rather public place,

Master Wilkes.

But one shakes hands

with a comrade and a friend.

This is a real blow at Wilkes.

That is a blow I'll leave you to administer.

I have one of his to ward away.

And so you see, Mistress Bowen, milord...

thought it would be best

to make friends again.

On your advice, I suppose,

and for some purpose of your own.

Milord, speak to the girl.

Every word he says is true

and better put than I could say it.

So, we're friends again.

You go your way and I go my way.

But friends are not that off-handed

with each other, Mistress Bowen.

Milord would like to be kind to you.

I'm duly warned. Go on.

Milord thinks you've been looking

rather pale of late.

Perhaps the waters of Bath, a rest.

Milord, you know that I have a contempt

for certain kinds of money.

How deep that contempt is,

I am about to show you.

The Bank of England thanks you

for 300 pounds.

Tomorrow, after the

Commission for Lunacy examines her...

she'll strike no more blows,

not at you nor at me.

Here. You sign here.

Confound me, Sims, I can't sign this.

She's not mad.

She's not a danger to herself and others

as it says here.

Sign, milord. She's a danger

to my position and your properties.

Alone she means nothing...

but with Wilkes behind her,

she's more dangerous to us...

than any madwoman.

Well, gentlemen, here is your lunatic.

You're Nell Bowen?

I'm 23 years of age. Born at Rye.

My parents are dead,

and I have no husband or child.

What more would you wish to know?

The Commission of Lunacy will frame

the questions for you, Mistress Bowen.

Ask away.

Do you know your alphabet?

I know A from Z...

and I can read and write as readily

as any man I see before me.

Perhaps a little better.

Do you know the difference

between right and wrong?

What is right for me is wrong for you,

that much I know. And vice versa.

Oh, don't fool yourselves.

A merry answer

does not make me a fool, gentlemen.

Ask me a sensible question

and you shall have a sensible answer.

Mistress Bowen,

is it true that some days past...

you refused the sum of 100 gold guineas

for a parrot not worth five shillings?

I had my reasons. It was a jest.

You know your sums?

If two and two make four, I do.

Knowing that one number added

to another makes a greater number...

I presume you know a large sum of money

from a small sum.

I only know that I like large sums

better than I like small sums.

Then, why did you refuse 100 guineas

for a parrot worth five shillings?

I have told you, it was a jest.

Knowing the value of money,

Mistress Bowen...

can you explain

why it was you ate a banknote?

For a jest.

Master Sims knows why I ate the money.

To show my contempt for it.

- Is that how one shows contempt?

- No.

But at that moment

it was the only way to show contempt.

I was angry and it was

the first thing that occurred to me.

Do thoughts like that always occur to you

when you are angry?

Surely everyone does

foolish things sometimes.

- At a whim, for a prank.

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