Beetlejuice Page #14

ADAM:

You don't kill anybody.

BARBARA:

All we want is for you to

get some people out of our

house.

BEETLE JUICE:

Exorcism, right. I love

exorcisms. So who are these

people you want to get rid of?

BARBARA:

The Deetzes.

BEETLE JUICE:

Family, right? Mommie,

daddy, they got kids?

ADAM:

Two daughters. One's

about ten, one's about

sixteen, except she acts

like she's thirty-five.

BEETLE JUICE:

Oh yeah? How does

she feel about short, older

men?

BARBARA gives BEETLE JUICE the fish eye.

BARBARA:

I don't appreciate that kind

of talk.

BEETLE JUICE:

Idle curiosity. So here's

the story. You're dead, and

you're stuck in this dump

for a hundred and thirty-

two years --

BARBARA:

That's how long we're

going to be here? How do

you know?

BEETLE JUICE:

How do I know, guys? It's

my business to know. Anyway,

so you're stuck in this dump

...

ADAM:

It's not a dump.

BEETLE JUICE:

... and you want it all to

yourselves. And even though

these live guys have paid their

hard earned money for the home

of the dreams, you dead guys

are gonna drive 'em out in

the cold, mommy, daddy, and

two little girls, one of whom

probably wouldn't say no to

a shorter, older man.

BARBARA:

The Deetzes are destroying

our house.

BEETLE JUICE:

Right. And I'm here to help

you.

The trio pass the appliance store. The large plate glass window

bears the legend: GENERAL APPLIANCES / ADAM AND BARBARA MAITLAND

/ EST. 1963. BEETLE JUICE points at the window.

BEETLE JUICE:

You. The Maitlands. 'Cause

people like you are the backbone

of the afterlife. Just because

you're dead doesn't mean that

you can't still hold onto the

things that were important to

you when you were alive.

BARBARA and ADAM are evidently a little uncomfortable with this

selfish interpretation of their actions.

BEETLE JUICE (cont)

So, basically what we got

here is a third-class inter-

session. Nothing big, and

if it's works we're all

happy. I'm gonna teach you

guys a few tricks. And we're

gonna start out with something

simple.

ADAM:

You've handled problems like this

before, haven't you?

Behind them, the window of the appliance store suddenly crack

into a spider's web pattern, completely obliterating BARBARA and

ADAM's names. Hearing the noise, BARBARA and ADAM start to turn

their heads, but BEETLE JUICE prods them forward.

BEETLE JUICE:

You ever hear of a place called

Amityville?

INT:
MASTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT

DELIA reading in bed, and watching television, and eating. She

hears a noise outside in the corridor, listens for a moment and

then gets up to investigate.

INT:
UPSTAIRS HALLWAY -- NIGHT

Empty, but a closet door is open.

DELIA goes down to investigate. She finds in the open linen

closet that one of the drawers is open, and a pile of her best

designer sheets has been dropped on the floor.

DELIA:

Damn those girls.

She picks the sheets back up, puts them in the drawer, and shits

the linen closet door.

She returns to her bedroom.

When she disappears, the linen closet door swings slowly open

again. BARBARA and ADAM come out holding sheets.

BARBARA:

I might have known a woman

like that wouldn't have a

single pair of plain white

sheets.

ADAM:

I don't think this is going

to work.

INT:
CHARLES'S STUDY -- NIGHT

This is the first room to have been totally set up, with four

different word processors. Above each computer are framed covers

of paperback books that Charles has written: thrillers, detective

novels, romances, and westerns.

CHARLES is working with two printers at once, and the pages are

just spilling out. CHARLES is also working a Xerox machine, and

talking on the telephone -- all at the same time.

CHARLES:

No, Evelyn, ten per cent

on the first hundred K, and

twelve thereafter. No more

of this --

He hears something in the corridor outside -- a kind of low

moaning.

CHARLES:

Just a minute, Evelyn.

Somebody --

He goes to the door and flings it open.

Two figures are right there in the doorway -- ghosts under

sheets. But they're designer sheets.

CHARLES:

Oh Jesus, you two. Is

Connecticut so boring that

you have to think up sh*t like

this? I've got a book due at

Dell tomorrow morning, and I'll

get a bonus if it's there on

time -- and you want to make

me miss that bonus?

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