Beetlejuice Page #7

OTHO's voice as if from a great distance.

OTHO (o.s.)

It's bad luck.

CATHY:

Hold your breath and we'll

pull.

With much concerted effort, the entire DEETZ family at last

manages to pull OTHO into the living room.

All this while the MOVING MEN are variously carting out the

handsome old furniture and bringing in the hideous new furniture.

OTHO is Robert Morley at his most obscenely fat and faggoty. But

he's not all fat and fun -- this customer carries emotional

weight as well.

As OTHO is pulled through the window he is holding onto the

curtains for support. And when he is at last all the way

through, and upright on his feet, he suddenly gives a tremendous

yank. The whole drapery apparatus, including valences, crashes

to the floor.

OTHO:

That was the single most

unattractive window treatment

I have ever seen in the entire

of my existence.

DELIA:

I'm so glad you could come,

Otho.

OTHO is looking around the room with an eye of quiet horror.

OTHO:

Well, when you told me about

this place, I had an intuition.

Call it a hunch -- that it was

going to be a fabled monstrosity of

a house. And it certainly us.

Charles, you're going to have

to write two romances, a western,

and three of those wretched

detective novels to afford what

I'm going to have to do to this

place.

CHARLES:

That's fine, Otho. I'm starting

work as soon as the word processors

get here. This country air. I'm

going to be able to write twelve

books a year instead of just eight.

I can feel it already -- plots.

Plots crowding in on every side of

me. Plots mean books, and books

mean money, and with money you buy

the things you haven't got. Like

fabulous houses, in fabulous, fabulous

Connecticut.

During this speech OTHO has been surreptitiously posing for

LYDIA's camera, while DELIA pokes about the room with disdain.

OTHO:

Is the rest of the house as bad

as this?

DELIA:

The rest of the house is worse.

When can you and I get started?

OTHO:

No time like the present, as my

wicked stepmother used to say.

With an unexpected and dramatic sweep of his hand, OTHO sweeps

BARBARA's entire collection of ceramic and porcelain horses from

the mantelpiece. They all crash to the hearth -- except for two,

which CATHY dives to catch in either hand.

CATHY:

Otho, that's terrible.

OTHO:

My sentiments exactly.

He takes one of the porcelain horses out of CATHY's hand and

flings it into the fireplace.

CATHY manages to save one by hiding it in her pocket. CATHY

glances into the mantel mirror, and sees the reflection of

BARBARA, standing on the staircase, with a look of despair on her

face.

CATHY whirls around.

BARBARA is no longer there.

CATHY starts to say something, but she's pre-empted by OTHO.

OTHO:

Delia, let's get this show

on the road.

Then out of the pockets of his size 56 Georgio Armani jacket,

OTHO takes two cans of spray paint -- the kind the graffiti

artists use -- and shakes them as if they were castanets. They

certainly sound like it.

INT:
UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

At one end, near the stairs leading up to the attic, BARBARA and

ADAM are slumped against opposite walls.

ADAM:

How did this happen? We didn't

even see Jane showing off the

house. And now it's already sold.

BARBARA:

Remember when that damn manual

got us stuck in the chimney for

three days? That's when it

happened. (With vehemence that

surprises even BARBARA) God I

hate those people. That woman

wants to destroy my house.

ADAM:

What can we do about it though?

We're ghosts.

BARBARA:

(Adamant) Right. We're ghosts.

OTHO and DELIA appear, coming up the stairs at the opposite end

of the hallway.

OTHO:

We're dealing with negative

entertainment potential here.

I mean there's absolutely

no flow-through.

They're rounded the bed, and OTHO looks down the hallway. It's

empty. ADAM and BARBARA are no longer there.

DELIA:

What's wrong?

OTHO:

I thought I saw something.

DELIA turns and spray-paints on the wall -- probably in luminous

orange -- the word ECRU.

DELIA:

Okay?

OTHO:

You read my mind. I love

clients who can read my mind.

I don't think people realize

how strong a connection there

is between interior decoration

and the supernatural.

DELIA and OTHO have reached the first door on the right. DELIA

opens the door and they step inside.

DELIA:

This will be Lydia's room.

INT:
LYDIA'S ROOM -- DAY

It's not LYDIA's room yet, of course, because it still has the

MAITLAND's furniture in it -- it's merely an old-fashioned and

little-used guest bedroom.

DELIA:

What do you think?

OTHO:

Viridian?

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