Befikre

(TV CRASHING)

What the...the telly!

Psycho! You need meds.

How do I watch the

Arsenal-Leicester match?

Stupid French witch!

Delhi idiot, go watch the match

with the other idiot Mehra.

As for the TV, this French witch won

it at the Xmas fair. Remember?

But I paid for the fair tickets.

Remember?

Tough luck, Desi boy.

Get your own telly,

if you can afford it.

You wanna go there? Fine!

Wasn't even HD. I'll get the latest.

3D, HD.

7.1 surround sound. It's

Game of Thrones all night.

No more:
"Turn the sound down,

I have an early start."

You can't take that.

I bought it.

It was my birthday present.

You know what. Don't want

your stupid present.

Just 'cos I like Tweety doesn't mean

you stuff the house with them.

- Bloody twit.

- That's my t-shirt!

You're impossible!

No swearing in French.

You know what.

You left Delhi but your hooligan

Delhi talk didn't leave you.

Oh yeah?

At least I'm not a French slut,

sleeping with every man in Paris.

You know what.

I thought it was my bad.

Thank you for clearing that up.

Goodbye.

Taxi.

Miss...

Ok.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

Hi, baby!

Shyra darling, what a surprise!

If I can use my room without

the third degree, I'll stay.

Or I go to Kim's. You guys decide.

Delete his number from your phones.

Mum, block him on Facebook too.

You're on Facebook?

I'm from Delhi,

she's from Paris.

Delhi and Paris? Not happening, boss.

No connection.

It was too good to last.

Sat for an English exam, the questions

came in French. Had to fail.

Falling in love is like investing

in mutual funds.

We think they'll pay dividends

when they mature.

But we don't think: "Mutual funds

are subject to market risks.

"Read the offer document carefully

before investing." Otherwise...

...it's breakup.

Breakups are a pain in the...

When a boy gets dumped...

...his mates get busy perfecting

the vanishing act.

The married guys are busy with

their wives. You married?

- Yes.

- It shows.

The single guys are busy at work.

When a girl goes through a breakup,

that's another ball game.

Hi, Shyra. Heard about your breakup.

You ok?

I'm ok. No sweat. I'm on my

way to work. I'll call later.

Hi, Shyra. I heard the news.

Are you ok?

It's ok.

Guess it wasn't meant to be.

Hi, Shyra. I heard

what happened last night.

- You ok?

- I'm all right. I'm not depressed.

Not drinking, I'm not planning

to kill myself.

Busy at work. I'll call you later.

Welcome to Paris Sidewalk Tours.

One of the most romantic bridges

in Paris - Pont des Arts.

It's famously called

"The Love Lock Bridge."

There were over a million

padlocks here a year ago.

Couples pledged their love

with a signed padlock...

...then they'd throw the key

into the river.

They believed that their love,

like the padlocks...

...would stay locked forever.

A year ago the city authorities

removed all the love locks...

...because the weight was

weakening the bridge.

Now padlocks are banned.

Even the world's most romantic

city understood that...

...few can carry the weight

of love.

We stop here for 15 minutes.

So if anybody wants to click photos,

please do.

The only way to avoid the sting

of a breakup...

...is never to fall in love's trap.

If you don't hook up,

you won't break up.

The wisest of the wise haven't

escaped from hooking up.

So how could a fool like me

stay free?

- A poem!

- Please...

Thank you!

A guy called Dharam

came to Paris...

Bravo!

"A guy called Dharam came to

make Parisians laugh out loud.

"A girl stripped him so bare...

"All he's now left with

is his underwear."

(AUDIENCE APPLAUSE)

One year ago

9 rue Thodule Ribot?

What an address!

Welcome to Paris, Dharam.

Hi, I'm Natalie.

You are Dharma, right?

Dharam! No "a" at the end.

Sorry. Come with me.

So this is your room,

window opens to the church.

(CHURCH BELLS)

I love Jesus.

Bathroom - just one.

You and I using same.

Great. Superb, Natalie-jee!

So you have butter, eggs, fruit.

Coffee, tea.

Everything you need.

So just please yourself, ok?

Catch you later.

Yes! Paradise at last!

How are you?

Good, darling.

This is my girlfriend, Naomi.

Naomi...Dharma.

Bonjour!

You're terrific, Mehra.

The flat's paradise.

The ultimate!

Don't need Internet.

I've got free live shows.

Very nice people, the French.

Forget about caste!

They don't differentiate between

boys from girls.

What a culture! I love the French.

Started your old tricks?

You're here to work,

not to enjoy Paris.

If your jokes go limp, next flight

home for you, boy.

Relax, Mehra!

Since college my jokes

made you double up.

Now no confidence in your bro?

Your bro's not out of gas.

I'm pure kick ass!

I'll make your Delhi Belly the No.1

Paris bar, or change my name.

That's why I spent mucho euros

jetting you here.

Pull in all the Indians of Paris

with your comedy nights...

...then we'll print money!

Ok, Mr Slumdog Millionaire...

...print and mint we will.

But first tell me where's

the hottest bar in Paris.

Dharam, tomorrow's your first show...

Mehra, my love. For the show

to rock tomorrow...

Dharam needs to rock today!

(KISSING SOUND)

So sorry.

Franois, water. Quick!

Thank you.

- You're a lifesaver, Franois.

- No worries.

- Buy you a drink?

- Thanks, not drinking today.

Vodka? Bacardi?

Petrol? Jgerbomb?

No French, eh?

- Indian?

- I'm French. Parents Indian.

Sorry.

Thought French might score.

I've tried for hours. No luck.

In desperation I tried French.

Now that's quite honest.

I'm impressed.

See, for something like that,

my friend, I'm buying.

What are you having?

Franois, the same. Two.

Come on up.

- I'm Shyra.

- Dharam.

So Desperate Dharam...

...scan the lovelies.

Who catches your eye?

My eyes are stuck on you,

they won't unstick.

Ah! That's sweet but it's not

gonna work.

- Not into Indian guys.

- I can understand.

Not into Indian guys either.

They smell of fenugreek.

Wicked sense of humour!

Not bad, impressed again.

- Are we doing this or not?

- Come! Yeah.

Show me the girl you fancy.

I'll tell you your chances.

Choosy, aren't we?

No one?

They're all gorgeous.

But I'm stuck on you.

No one else will do.

Thank you for helping me out.

One drink with you

is enough for me.

You'll ditch me soon. So till then,

let's enjoy the moment. Cheers!

Everybody, get ready for the

chicken wings contest!

(CROWD CHEERING)

The winner of the chicken

wings contest gets...

...free food and drinks for a year!

Now you're talking!

I dare you!

You win, I party with you.

Is that so?

Delhi folk can be weak in matters

of the heart, but not in dares.

You're on.

Ok.

Here's a player!

(WHISTLE SOUND)

Your smile is bewitching.

I'm crazy about you.

Desire takes me over.

Your voice melts me.

The girl's like a heady drink.

Like a soaring kite

cutting another.

She reeled me in,

no time to cut loose.

Like a lofty kite, a dervish entranced.

In a flash I was high.

Like a shock wave,

a search warrant.

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