Before Someone Gets Hurt

1

[phone dialing]

[phone line ringing]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

[dispatcher]

[man]

No! No! Aah!

[indistinct chatter over static]

[dispatcher]

[loud thump]

[whispering]

Did you hear that?

- What was that?

- [thump]

I definitely heard that.

Are we up there? No one is

supposed to be up there.

Gary?

[Gary on walkie-talkie]

Go for Gary.

[Lisa] Is there anyone

walking above us,

or walking on the staircase?

[Gary]

Uh... I got no movement.

I got no one above you.

Hold on.

[Gary] Hey, Tim?

- Go for Tim.

- Location check.

Third floor.

Client's bedroom.

Nothing here. We're about

to enter the east hallway.

[Gary] The girls reported

something above them.

I can't verify.

You want to take a look?

[Tim]

On it.

[all gasp]

So, what we do is look

for logical explanations.

When we checked the door

and the floorboards,

if you notice the blackout

screen in front of your window,

the window, which was open,

down the hall...

the bathroom window

is also open.

It's a cross breeze.

Door slammed shut

on its own.

The house has

rectangular duct work

attached to your forced air

heating system.

Now, you see

that square piece?

So, when it heats up it expands,

causing it to flex.

And sometimes the duct work

will flex in a row,

similar to dominoes,

but with sound.

Hence, ducts are expanding.

No ghost?

- No ghost.

- This time.

[both sigh]

Okay? We good?

- Yeah.

- Great. Okay, let's cut it.

Whoa! Okay, pump the brakes.

I'm the only one

who says cut.

No. But, okay,

what else do you want?

Something pithier.

[Billy] I heard elephant

pith is a natural shampoo.

And you need to start

being on time.

Thank you so much,

Bruce and Linda.

I hope you feel better about

living in your home.

You won't make us look like

complete idiots on TV?

No, no, God, of course not.

I would've been scared too

with what was going on

in your house.

But luckily you dodged

a bullet, and it's nothing.

Well, thank you.

Thank you. All right,

we'll talk to you soon.

Safe home.

Bye-bye now.

All right, I have

an announcement to make,

and it's not a done deal yet,

but we are in

negotiations with SYFY.

- No way.

- Get out! Really?

Bullshit.

[Stefan] Yeah, so,

if it's not too much to ask,

please do what I say.

If I ask for a little

more epigrammatic...

That's another word

for "elephant pith."

[Stefan]

...just indulge me,

that is, if you want

to get off the Internet

and onto national television.

Yeah?

Okay, so they want more

behind-the-scenes stuff,

so cameras on all the time.

Let's go, I want to go over

what we have for our next shoot.

Hey, check out this address.

It's 311 Lenox Ave.,

Edgemont Hills, New York.

Whoa, looks like

in the last 300 years

there have been 14 unsolved

murders at this address.

Neighbors swear that

the place is haunted,

and it is currently vacant.

That's it. Lisa,

get us in 311 Lenox Ave.

in Edgemont Hills.

The usual, three days.

Billy, go up early

and set up cable and audio.

Stacy, Lisa,

I want you to research,

find out everything you can

about the history of this place.

All right, let's go.

- What?

- Can you define early?

[theme music playing]

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

Take you home

Take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Yeah, you got it all

Got what you need

Guess you need it all

Hey, tell me what you want

You can't have it free

But how much you want?

How much you need?

I don't give a f***

What you're f***ing with

Unless it's crying

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

Take you home

Take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

We're coming

To take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Take you home

Blown up from your

Bloodshot eye

You can't hear a thing

You can't even talk

My tracks

Are burning cold

Your head's just

A burned-out hollow hole

And I don't give a f***

What you're f***ing with

I don't give a f***...

Hey, James.

Hey, Jamie.

- Yeah?

- Can you help me out with this?

- With what?

- I think I broke something.

I don't know, I think there's,

like, a short here?

- What'd you do with it?

- It's like right there.

- [electricity crackles]

- Ah!

- [laughs]

- What the heck, man?

[Billy]

Electrocution is funny.

- [Tim] You don't get to do that.

- [Billy] It was a joke.

- I'll buy him another coffee.

- [Tim] That's not the point.

You got to stop screwing around,

it's not cute anymore.

- You do that stuff all the time.

- Grow up.

You know, it's funny,

I thought older brothers

were supposed

to be supportive,

but you never got that memo,

did you?

It's okay, though.

I forgive you, I forgive you.

From now on

I'll be a team player.

No more shenanigans,

no more pot.

The house shakes...

it was a good talk.

[heavy metal music plays

over radio]

[inhales sharply]

Ah, baby steps.

Okay.

- [loud crash]

- Oh!

- [car alarm blares]

- Sh*t.

[imitating car alarm]

Ah, here we go.

All the way.

Going to the house,

doing all the things.

Happy birthday, baby.

[sighs]

[clears throat]

It's my birthday.

Right, and what greater gift

could I give you?

- Wow, so, so benevolent of you.

- [laughs]

Nothing could ever

change now.

- Okay, resume.

- Okay.

[cell phone chimes]

Oh...

wait, wait, let me check.

[both sigh]

- We got to go.

- All right.

Is this the, um,

permit place?

What kind of permit?

I'm with a show.

I'm with

Ghost Investigations.

We have a permit.

Waiting.

It's not ready yet.

Okay, um...

do you guys have a john?

And I don't mean a corporate

closeted married guy

looking for a cheap BJ,

you know?

I don't sell

my body anymore.

Not since I found the Lord,

our savior, Jesus Christ.

That way. Thank you.

[turns ignition off]

[knocks on door]

Okay.

[sighs]

[knocks on door]

Hey, all right.

Here we go.

[camera beeps]

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's a nice touch.

You're talented.

Right next to the portrait

of the fake flowers.

Will somebody

call him, please?

Will you relax?

He's coming.

See? There he is.

Hey, guys. Sorry.

[Stefan]

Glad you could join us.

Wait. Damn it,

I forgot something.

- Seriously?

- I'll be right back.

[all scream]

- Oh, my God!

- Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God.

Someone call 911.

[laughs]

Are you serious?

Dude, I had you.

- No, you didn't, okay?

- [Tim] Not even a little bit?

Not even a little bit.

Hey, you have no credibility

for giving your brother sh*t

- if you're going to f*** around.

- I told you I'm good.

- Get... no, get off me.

- Kiss it, make it better.

[laughs]

Ew, yuck! I can't. No.

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