Behind the Clouds Page #4

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I don't like to get out of bed.

And since I became a widow,

I have an alcohol problem.

This feels so familiar.

As if my body still knows you.

As if my skin still remembers you.

The skin has a memory too,

someone once told me.

Come.

Come.

So sweet. Thanks, Grandma.

You only turn 20 once.

Once I have my driver's licence,

I'll take you away for a weekend.

Deal?

- Open it.

Deal?

- Go on.

It'll be my treat.

- Out of the question.

Grandma.

- Will you open it or not?

Exciting.

From Grandpa?

I can't accept that.

Look how beautiful.

Are you sure?

- Of course.

Thank you.

I think of him so often.

So do I, sweetheart, so do I.

Yesterday you were defnitely less sad

about your loss than today, weren't you?

Where did you go yesterday?

- Are you spying on me?

What are you talking about?

I went into town afterwards.

- With whom?

Oh, you and your eternal lies.

- Mom.

It doesn't matter, dear.

- It does matter.

I brought her to a dancing last night

and for some reason she left...

and now she won't tell me why.

- Because it's none of your business.

I waited for hours.

- Do I have to account for everything I do?

I have a right to a life of my own.

You sound just like a 16-year-old.

- As if you always tell me where you go.

You're probably ashamed to.

- You stay out of it.

I called you ten times,

but you didn't answer.

I was worrying myself sick

in your living room, goddammit.

How should I have known?

I didn't ask you to.

You know what, Mom? Forget it.

Hello, Emma.

- Hello, Werner.

I vividly remember

the frst time I came here.

I was terribly nervous.

It was my frst major job.

Are you going cycling?

- If I manage to infate my tyres.

Is that a hint?

- No, that's a hint.

Okay, give up.

What brings you here today?

Don't tell me you just came to say hello.

I want to talk to you

about those shares.

I haven't made up my mind yet.

There's a crisis, Emma.

The sooner we're clear about it,

the better, right?

Frederik had a lot of faith in me.

- Frederik isn't here anymore.

Not for a while already.

Sometimes I have the idea

he's never been here. For me, I mean.

Don't get me wrong,

but he was always away.

To some congress or other,

to some fancy hotel.

And I was raising Jacky

and waiting for him at home.

How are your wife and children?

Very well, thank you.

The oldest is eight now, isn't she?

- Julie? Yes, she's going to group 3.

She really is a terrific little girl.

Jacky told me a lot about her.

You know what,

I'll leave the documents here.

Are you leaving already?

- No, but still.

You're about to go cycling and I come

here to bother you about fnance stuf.

Just look at it frst

and then we'll talk about it.

Thanks for the pumping.

- Now you can ride up Mt Ventoux with it.

Bye.

A strawberry?

It doesn't feel right.

Why not?

Frederik has only just been buried

and look at me sitting here.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

- Don't you have a problem with it?

I wish I could stop the time.

Two fngers in the air,

like children do. Time-out.

Breathe more slowly, my mother

always said. That slows the time.

If I breathe any slower,

I'll fall of my bike.

There was a writer who thought

we should be able to live our life twice.

The frst time as rough draft,

the second time as fair copy.

And the second time one wouldn't

repeat the mistakes of the frst one.

Live my life over again?

I don't want to think about it.

You're right.

What do writers know about real life?

They fll up whole libraries...

while all of life is contained

in a handful of text messages.

I want to see you.

- Okay, where?

I want to touch you.

- I want to f*** you.

I want to f*** you again.

- Careful with your knee.

I never want to lose you again.

There's one thing I defnitely won't do

in that improved life of yours.

What's that?

- Ride a bike.

I thought you liked that so much.

- I thought you did.

I have such saddle soreness.

- What about me?

They say raw steak helps.

Careful.

A strawberry?

- No.

Kiss.

I didn't know what to do

with him anymore.

Really. There were days

I even forgot I loved him.

That can't be right.

I want to be so crazy about someone

that he's everything to me.

Maybe I just want too much.

I may end up as an old spinster.

Like Mom.

You're barely 20.

You've made the right decision.

I'm sure of it.

Have you heard from Mom?

Have you seen Gerard again?

Grandma, what is it?

What?

Grandma, stop.

This stays between us, okay?

I don't know what's happening to me.

- Grandma, please.

What about Grandpa?

I mean...

He was my first love.

I was madly in love with him.

We were so young back then.

And then I met Grandpa.

They were best friends.

Did you keep seeing him all that time?

Even with Grandpa?

No, of course not.

I never saw him again till now.

You're the first one I tell.

Do you think it's that strange?

Well, strange...

Yes, I think it's strange.

I didn't think it was possible myself.

That soon.

But Grandpa and I...

We'd said goodbye long ago.

You do have to tell Mom.

You don't imagine

you can keep it a secret, do you?

She has to know.

Shall we practice driving tomorrow?

- I thought you didn't really enjoy that.

Then you can drop me of

at his place.

So what's it like when you two...

When you...

I mean...

- What?

I don't know.

- You mean whether we have sex.

Is that what you want to know?

We're old enough, aren't we?

You can drop me off over there.

It's incredible how we know

how the other feels.

What? Please.

Watch out.

Sorry.

Bye, sweetheart.

You're doing fne.

Strange.

You should have seen her face.

What were you like at that age?

Just the idea of your parents

having sex was insupportable.

Never mind your grandparents.

- Those were diferent times.

Grandparents didn't have sex then?

- Mine defnitely didn't.

To her I'm an old geezer.

Are you coming in, old geezer?

- No, don't you dare.

Emma, stop it.

- Of course I dare.

One, two, three, go.

- Emma, goddammit.

You know, it was all worth it.

Waiting all those years.

Are you coming in?

Sure?

Everything okay?

Amost.

- What's not?

You're lying on my arm.

And you?

A bit strange, but it's okay.

We can also go to the guest room.

Good morning.

- Good morning.

Where were you?

- I couldn't sleep.

You?

Like a log.

It's so peaceful here.

I couldn't live anywhere else.

This house and I have become one.

The cofee.

Have a seat.

Jacky, this is Gerard.

Gerard, this is Jacky.

Pleased to meet you.

Yes...

I've heard a lot about you.

Only good things.

When you're 16 you have to ask

your parents if your sweetheart can come in.

50 years later you need

your children's permission.

Maybe it's better if you go.

Emma...

I'll see you tomorrow.

What are you doing here?

- Jacky, I...

I don't know what I find worse.

That you lied to us and deceived us all

or that you wipe out the past so quickly.

As if he'd never lived.

- Who says that I did?

Dad has only just died

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