Behind the Scenes: The End of the Affair Page #4

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Hello?

There's nobody there.

It's clear.

I never heard the bang.

I awoke after five minutes...

or five seconds...

to a changed world.

For a moment,

I was free of feeling...

Iove, hate, jealousy.

And it all felt like happiness.

Oh, my God.

You're alive?

You sound disappointed.

You're hurt.

I just cut myself, that's all.

What were you doing

on the floor?

Praying.

To what?

To anything that might exist.

Well, it'd have been more practical

to have come downstairs.

I did.

Well, why didn't you wake me?

I tried.

You didn't move.

I don't understand.

I knew for certain

you were dead.

There wasn't much

to pray for then, was there?

A miracle.

And we don't believe in those.

No.

And that siren means you go.

Yes.

Please don't.

I have to. Henry will...

Forget Henry.

You don't understand.

You were gone.

Now I'm back.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,

Sarah, but...

Love doesn't end...

just because

we don't see each other.

Doesn't it?

People go on loving God,

don't they?

All their lives.

Without seeing Him.

That's not my kind of love.

Maybe there's no other kind.

So I was a disappointment

in the end.

I lived.

And that was the end

of the affair...

until I met you with that

detective's card in your hand.

I wondered why

we hadn't seen you.

You should go home, Henry.

You'll catch your death.

I'm sorry.

Hello.

It was quite easy, sir.

It was such a crush.

And Mrs. Miles thought I was one

of his friends from the ministry.

And Mr. Miles thought

I was one of her friends.

Well, I knew the way

to her room from my boy.

Anybody would have stopped me, I would

have been looking for the toilet.

Of course, nobody did.

Did you think it was

a good cocktail party?

Highly successful

I would say, sir.

But Mrs. Miles

looked a bit out of sorts.

I refer to this as Exhibit "D."

Did you look at it?

I ascertained its nature, sir.

And from one entry, judged

she wasn't the cautious type.

So happy. M returns today.

My experience of diaries

is they always give things away, sir.

People invent their little codes.

You soon see through them, sir.

I woke up and

the sun was shining.

This covers several years.

I hope you're satisfied, sir.

Life was going to be happy again.

But last night I dreamt...

I think this may well

close our account, Parkis.

Yeah. I had a feeling

it might, sir.

I have enjoyed

our association, sir...

if one can talk of enjoying

under the sad circumstances.

As have I.

So I hope you wouldn't

resent a memento, sir.

There's quite a history

with that.

- Do you remember the Bolton case?

- I can't say I do.

It caused quite

a stir at the time, sir.

Lady Bolton,

her maid and a man.

All discovered together.

That ashtray stood

beside the bed, sir.

On the lady's side.

Well, I shall treasure it, Parkis.

If ashtrays could speak, sir.

Indeed.

Perhaps I should call later, sir, just

to make sure there were no loose ends?

Thank you, Parkis.

- Good night, sir.

- Good night.

Sometimes I get tired of trying

to convince him that I love him...

and shall love him forever.

He pounces on my words

like a barrister and twists them.

So what will you do

when it ends?

You think love ends

when you don't see me?

To be is to be perceived.

Do I exist for you

when you're with Henry?

Yes.

Isn't that why you stay with Henry?

Because you know this will end?

- We should go to the basement.

- My landlady might be there.

- Does that matter?

- Maybe to her.

- It's close, Maurice.

- I'll go and check.

- Let me go with you.

- I'll be one second.

Hello?

There's nobody there.

It's clear.

Oh, God!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God, don't take him.

But You had.

Whatever was him was gone.

You'd taken it.

I'd never believed in prayer.

Oh, God, please bring him back.

Let him live.

I don't believe in You,

but please let him live.

Dear God, please.

Let him...

Dear God, please. Let him live.

Please bring him back.

Please don't take him.

I'll give him up forever.

Only please, let him be alive.

Let him live and I promise

I'll never see him again.

Oh, my God.

You're alive?

You sound disappointed.

But if he was alive,

now I was dead.

What were you doing on the floor?

Praying.

To what?

To anything that might exist.

How could I explain to him

what made no sense to me?

You didn't move.

I knew for certain you were dead.

Then there wasn't much

to pray for then, was there?

A miracle.

And we don't believe in that.

And that siren means you go.

Yes.

And I knew that nothing in this world

would make sense to me again.

Sorry to disappoint you.

Love doesn't end...

just because we don't

see each other.

Doesn't it?

People go on loving God,

don't they...

all their lives

without seeing Him?

That's not my kind of love.

Maybe there's no other kind.

I can't be held to that promise.

But something told me I would be.

I had tempted fate...

and fate had accepted.

So I was in the desert now,

the desert without him.

I started a tour with Henry,

civil defense in southern England.

Henry and I sleeping side by side

like figures on tombs.

In the new reinforced shelter

at Bigwell-on-Sea...

a chief warden kissed me.

I allowed him to

but felt nothing.

I'm beginning to believe

in You, God...

and maybe that's how You work.

You empty me of love,

then fill that emptiness.

They're recommending me

for an O.B.E.

What's that?

A step below a C.B.E.

When I retire,

I'll probably be a K.B.E.

It's confusing. Couldn't

they stick to the same letters?

Wouldn't you like to be Lady Miles?

This was the British people's

finest day...

V-E day,

the end of the German war.

A man we seem to have

seen before somewhere...

Iooks down

from a balcony in Whitehall.

The whole of London seemed happy

because there was peace...

and there were no more bombs.

But I'm not sure

I like the peace.

I walked his walks.

Tried to think where he'd be.

Then I gave up.

I thought that now

the world is at peace...

maybe I should have some.

I told him it all.

And Whoever heard my promise

must have heard it too...

and must have known it already...

since God knows everything.

How cruel that knowledge seemed.

It knew what I would say

before I made that promise.

Knew it would keep me to it.

Knew me the way

his hands knew me.

Sarah, darling.

You.

Knew I would meet him

on the stairs.

- Been out for a walk?

- Yes.

It's a filthy night.

You're wet through. One day

you'll catch your death of cold.

Good night.

Knew he would hate me.

- Wednesday.

- Wednesday. Let me check.

- Would Thursday do?

- Thursday then.

The Park Lane Hotel at 1:00.

I took my time.

I didn't want to be early.

Why did you want to meet?

I wanted to tell you I'd been dead

for the last two years.

I can't be without you any longer.

I think he's lonely.

But, of course, I didn't.

You know he's never really

noticed me, not for years.

Maybe you've given him reason.

What reason could I give?

What reason did you give me?

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