Behind the Scenes: The End of the Affair Page #6

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Husbands are ridiculous.

I was never her lover.

Not much of a husband either,

I'm afraid.

But you hired our detective.

I had to find out where she was.

So you know. She wants a divorce.

That won't be possible, old man.

You'll contest it?

No, but it would take

at least three months.

Well, what's three months, Henry,

out of a lifetime?

Half.

Half of what?

Of a lifetime, I'm afraid.

Sarah's dying.

Her doctor called the night

she didn't come back...

with the result of some tests.

I knocked on your door.

I imagined you were both there.

How oddly we behave

at such moments.

You shouldn't get wet, darling.

- Don't you like the rain, Henry?

- Yes, dear, but...

You've heard news, Henry.

Is it good?

No, dear.

You see, Maurice, never make a promise.

You may have to keep it.

You should never have been

jealous of me, Bendrix.

I did Sarah a great disservice

when I married her. I realize that now.

I'm not the sort

that makes a lover.

She wanted someone like you.

I'm not sure

it's as simple as that.

If you don't mind me asking...

I'd like you there

when the time comes.

It may not come.

You of all people

don't believe in miracles.

No, but Sarah does.

I'd always believed that

I'd be the one to die first...

and that Sarah

would know what to do.

Are you at a loss, Henry?

I am quite.

And it would save you a bit

if you moved in with us.

Sarah always said your books weren't

as successful as they should have been.

You could be there, working in

the daytime, while I'm at the ministry.

And at night, we could both...

And so I moved to the north side

of the common...

and, oddly enough,

I felt instantly at home.

Can I help you, Father?

- I've come about Mrs. Miles.

- She's indisposed.

You mean, she's ill, don't you?

- Yes, I suppose I do.

- Yes.

She's been to see me several times,

and I know she'd like to see me before...

She's left word with me

she's not to be disturbed.

Is her husband here?

- She told me about you.

- I know she did.

I'm the lover, Father.

Who was that?

The postman.

What did he bring?

He had the wrong address.

How odd for a postman.

You know what happened that day?

You thought I was dead...

and I wasn't.

No, darling.

Something happened in that room.

There were the same walls

around me...

the same sunlight

coming in the window...

but nothing will

ever be the same again.

You can't believe this, Sarah.

But it's true.

I never loved anyone

as I loved you.

And when you came through that door

with blood on your face...

another kind of love

came with you.

And I caught belief...

like a disease.

I fell into belief like I'd...

fallen into love.

And I tried to fight it...

but I haven't any fight left.

It wasn't the postman, was it?

No, it wasn't.

Dear Maurice,

you can't go on fighting.

It's only love, after all.

So You're taking her...

but You haven't got me yet.

I don't want Your peace

and Your love.

I wanted Sarah for a lifetime...

and You're taking her from me.

So I hate You, God.

I hate You as though You existed.

You have to help me, Bendrix.

I can't.

I will.

I can't live in a world

where she's gone.

I'll help you.

I would have taken care of

all the arrangements, if I'd known.

Surely you disapprove of cremation?

I would have arranged

a Catholic burial.

But she wasn't a Catholic,

was she, Henry?

We recognize

the baptism of desire.

She said things

that seemed like prayers.

We've made all the arrangements.

We can't alter things now, Father.

You wouldn't want talk, Henry.

There's the notice in the Times.

If you'd come a little sooner, Father...

Please, don't think...

I think nothing

bad of you, Mr. Miles.

- Perhaps me?

- Don't worry, Mr. Bendrix.

Nothing you can do

will affect her now.

- She was a good woman.

- She was nothing of the sort.

She could put the blinkers

on any man.

She deceived you, Father,

as she deceived her husband and me.

- She was a consummate liar.

- You've no right.

- Let the poor man rave.

- Don't give me your professional pity!

- Keep it for your confessional!

- You can find me there anytime you want.

I don't want you.

I'm no Sarah.

- I'm sorry, Father.

- No need to be.

I know when a man is in pain.

I'm not in pain, Father.

I'm in hate.

I hate Sarah, because she was

a tart to your mumbo jumbo.

I hate Henry,

because she stuck to him.

And I hate you and your imaginary God,

because you took her away from us.

- You are a good hater.

- To hell with all of you!

I'm sorry, Henry.

The thing is, Bendrix...

I always knew.

I knew she was with someone...

but I never thought you.

But the odd thing is...

I'm glad it was.

It's a sad pleasure

to see you here, sir...

where bygones are always bygones.

Do you always follow your people

as far as this?

She was a very fine lady, sir.

At a cocktail party,

she handed me a glass of sherry.

Was it South African sherry?

I wouldn't know, sir.

There weren't many like her.

My boy, now,

he's always speaking of her.

How is your boy, Parkis?

He's exceptionally well, sir.

Though he's a bit upset today.

He imagined she'd be buried

in a Catholic way.

And why would he think that?

Young boys, sir,

they get these ideas.

Though I have to admit,

even I can't explain it.

Explain what?

On the day of her assignation,

she walked him to a tube.

She thought he was lost, gave him

a coin and kissed him on his cheek.

On his afflicted cheek, sir.

And over the weeks

that followed...

his affliction gradually went away.

I tried to keep him rational,

but he swears it was because of her.

Say hello to Mr. Bendrix, Lance.

Hello, sir.

I wrote at the start

that this was a diary of hate.

I hated You as though You existed.

Now I am tired of hating...

but You're still there.

So Your cunning is infinite.

You used my hate to win

my acknowledgement.

Thank you, Henry.

And I've only one prayer left.

Dear God, forget about me.

Look after her and Henry.

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