Being Charlie

Charlie, why don't you tell us

what you want to thank god for,

and close your eyes

and make a wish.

Six months of sobriety?

Nothing you want to say?

Thanks.

You look like you came

from a funeral.

Close. A birthday.

Heh. That's dark, man.

Where you headed?

Los Angeles.

I can take you to a bus station,

but I got to drop her off first.

Is this cool?

Yeah. This point,

won't make a difference.

All right.

What's wrong with her?

Besides her general disposition,

it's cancer.

Let me get you

in your chair, ma.

There you go.

Hey, uh,

think I could use your phone?

Sure.

Thanks.

I'll be right back.

There we go.

I'll get your shows on, eh?

Hi. We're not home.

- Leave a message.

Hey. Um...

It's me.

I'm coming home.

Just wanted to let you know

that I'm okay,

and...

I think things are gonna be

different this time, so...

Yeah.

Okay, bye.

Hello, America, and welcome

to "fact or fiction?"

I'm your host...

Hey, man,

mind if I use your bathroom?

Yeah, go ahead.

Just down the hall to the left.

Kid.

- You still with us?

- Yeah, man.

- Yeah.

- Can I get a smoke?

Yeah.

What are those?

Camels.

Nah, the pills, man.

Oh. I...

I got my wisdom teeth out.

Yeah?

What you working with, percs?

Nah. I switched

the labels around,

I'm not...

let me see those.

Yeah. Yeah, man, these are...

ah, let me see those!

My mother's oxys?

- - What the f***, man!

F***.

What else you take?

Nothing, man. I... just those.

Get the f*** out of here!

Get out of here!

Adam.

Your phone.

Adam, your phone is ringing.

What are you doing?

You have, like,

three missed calls.

What are you,

my f***ing secretary?

Who do you know from Utah?

No one.

Sh*t. Charlie.

Have to go.

Sh*t.

What about your parents?

Ah, don't worry about them.

You're just gonna

leave all this out here?

Yeah. They don't come

up here anyway.

All right.

Just don't do any

while I'm gone.

There he is.

- Hey, man.

- Ahh.

It's good to see you.

Oh, god.

Thanks for getting me.

You kidding?

I can't get enough of barstow.

So who you been

hanging out with?

No one, really.

Just been...

Spending a lot of time

with this girl.

Actually it's Stacey.

Stacey?

Stacey Chapman?

Stacey...

why would you ever hang out

with Stacey Chapman?

She's a f***ing train...

holy sh*t.

- Right?

- Wow.

She really changed.

- She's blossomed.

- Yeah.

What about you?

Me? Ah, glad you asked.

What do you think? Hmm?

- She's a beaut, right?

- Yeah.

Yeah. She really

listens to me, too.

So how's Tyler, man?

I miss that motherf***er.

Started at umich.

Yeah?

How's Jackson?

Uh...

Lot better

than the last time you saw him.

What a f***ing night, huh?

I think he...

Went to Stanford, but he

dropped out or something.

I don't know. But, hey,

I'm still here.

F***ing barstow.

I guess we're

just gonna have to improvise.

- Nah, man.

- Come on.

- I'm not doing it.

- Come on.

- The beat's dropping, baby.

- I'm not doing it.

- I'm not. I'm not gonna...

Aaron Carter.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

I boxed myself in

with "smarter."

Maybe you should hit up

some open mics again.

Gotta have some great material

from all those places.

Ah, maybe.

Guess they forgot

the "welcome home" banner.

It's gonna be okay.

Ah...

Yeah.

I mean, it's gotta be.

I mean, I'm 18, and...

They can't

just throw me out, so...

We're just gonna...

we're just

gonna have to hash it out.

You want me to come in with you?

Yeah.

Yeah, you can say a quick hi.

Do I smell like weed?

- No.

- I think I smell like weed.

Hello?

Mom?

Hello?

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Charlie.

Hey, guys.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

Yeah, happy birthday, son.

Thanks.

Hi, Adam.

Hey, Ms. mills.

Oh, you must be Charlie.

Welcome. Have a seat.

A f***ing intervention.

Really? I...

did you know about this?

No, I swear.

- Charlie, please.

- Mrs. mills,

allow me.

This is what I do.

You mean you're

not a personal trainer?

- Charlie, take a seat.

- Mr. mills, just stay calm.

Dad, I'm not gonna sit here

and listen to you

tell me what a piece-of-sh*t

drug addict I am.

No one said

that you're a piece of sh*t.

You need to go back.

How many times

do I have to tell you

those places,

they don't work for me?

Look, no one said

that sobriety was easy.

If you never speak again,

that'd be... that'd be great.

Just why can't

i stay here, please?

Son...

That's not an option right now.

We're here to save

your life, Charlie.

Can we just talk about this?

Let's just talk about it,

please.

Your mother and I

have already decided.

Mom.

Ahem.

Charlie, I want you

- to be back home with us...

- honey.

We just discussed this.

Remember?

Can't let him manipulate you.

I'm not manipulating her.

I'm asking her for her opinion.

You should try it sometime.

- How f***ing dare you?

- Careful.

I'm one

of your constituents now.

You wouldn't want to lose

the governor's race by one vote.

Okay, you know what?

Here's how it's gonna go.

You can either

head back to treatment

or live on the streets.

It's your choice.

That's an easy one.

- No. Charlie...

- honey.

- Honey.

- Okay, can you not...

- I can't believe you.

I'm sorry. We did not discuss

him living on the streets.

- Yeah, we di...

- that was not an option.

Why couldn't you

have just listened?

He comes in here reeking of pot

with his drug buddy.

Yo, Charlie!

- Charlie.

- Look, man,

I knew that was gonna happen.

I told you.

Let's just be smart

about this, okay?

Oh, what, you taking their side?

No. No, man.

I'm on your side, all right?

It's just it's... look, it's all

about knowing when to f*** up.

All right? You think your dad's

gonna give a sh*t

about any of this

when he's elected?

No. No,

he's gonna be in sacramento

- doing his governor thing.

- That's the point, man.

Now it's about

f***ing up his campaign.

Then it'll be

about f***ing up his agenda.

Right. You're right. Go ahead.

Go... go do what you always do.

Go shoot up.

Prove everyone right.

With no money,

what are you gonna do, huh?

Go down to skid row and

wave your virgin a**hole around?

You just...

Stick it out for 30 days.

You know, I'll be

moving out of my parents',

in my own place

for sophomore year.

You can... you can stay there

as long as you want.

Right.

No, you're right.

Besides, I should probably

save my virgin a**hole

for that special someone, right?

Someone who, you know,

loves me for me, right?

I could be that guy.

I just... I just can't take

another one of those

lockdown places, you know?

They said it was supposed

to be like a hotel.

Yeah, they always say that.

I'll probably walk

the second I get there.

I'm here if you need me.

I'll be thinking 'bout you.

Oh, sure you will. Yeah.

You'll be sniffing coke off

of some sorority girl's tits,

thinking, "i wonder how

Charlie's sobriety is coming?"

Lift your scrotum, please.

It just covers you like a...

a warm blanket

inside and out.

Hey, it's a new guy.

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