Being John Malkovich Page #16

MALKOVICH:

I just had the most horrifying

nightmare. The devil was in it.

Flemmer crouches behind a bureau and listens. He is pleased

with himself.

MAXINE:

Malkovich is our meal ticket. You

can't back out because of some

stupid dream.

FLEMMER:

(to himself)

Sh*t.

MALKOVICH:

Honey, we can be happy and poor

together.

MAXINE:

(laughs derisively)

Perhaps you'll want to consult that

Ouija board again.

There is a knock at the door. Maxine opens it, angry.

MAXINE (CONT'D)

Yeah what?!

MALKOVICH:

Derek Mantini!

Mantini enters. Maxine is suddenly interested. Mantini and

Maxine give each other the once over.

MANTINI:

(still eyeing Maxine)

Hello, Schwartz. I saw your show.

MALKOVICH:

Did you see the reviews?

MANTINI:

Yeah, I saw them

MALKOVICH:

Because if you missed any, I just

happen to have copies here you can

take with you when you leave now.

MAXINE:

I'm Maxine. I produced the evening

with Malkovich.

MANTINI:

Very impressive. I could use a

producer with your vision. And

other outstanding attributes.

MALKOVICH:

She's not available.

MANTINI:

We'll see, Schwartz. We'll see.

MAXINE:

Yeah, we'll see, Schwartz. We'll see.

MANTINI:

I won't waste your time Schwartz, or

more importantly, mine. Here's my

proposal:
There's only room in this

world for one "World's Greatest

Puppeteer." Correct? So let's allow

the puppet-going public to crown

their king.

MALKOVICH:

How do we do that?

MANTINI:

A friendly competition, if you will.

Your Malkovich puppet and my Harry S.

Truman puppet appear opposite each

other in a play. Not some Vegas

Burly-Q pyrotechnics, but a real play

that requires actual acting. The

audience decides who is more deserving

of the title. The losing puppeteer

bows out graciously. Goes back to

obscurity as a file clerk.

MALKOVICH:

What's the play?

MANTINI:

Say... "Equus"? It's got everything.

MALKOVICH:

Never heard of it.

MANTINI:

Broadway's finest three hours. It's

about the suppression of the

individual. Conformity as God in

modern society.

MALKOVICH:

Sounds boring. Are there any songs?

MANTINI:

Nothing but acting to hide behind,

buddy-boy.

MALKOVICH:

I'm not afraid. I toured for a year

with the National Puppet Company's

production of "Long Day's Journey

Into Night."

MANTINI:

Great then.

MALKOVICH:

Is there dancing?

MANTINI:

No.

MALKOVICH:

Who needs dancing?

CUT TO:

INT. FLEMMER'S APARTMENT - DAY

Lester is watering Flemmer's plants. A key is heard in the

door. Flemmer enters, a small carry-on bag slung over his

shoulder.

LESTER:

How'd it go? Did you say the

philodendron gets water or no?

FLEMMER:

No, for God's sake, I just watered

it yesterday.

(beat)

It almost went well. I gave a pretty

good dream, but circumstances arose.

LESTER:

What kind of circumstances?

FLEMMER:

Maxine says she'll leave him if he

leaves Malkovich, plus he's been

challenged to a puppet-duel by

Mantini.

LESTER:

The Great Mantini?

FLEMMER:

No, the Mediocre Mantini. Of course

the Great Mantini!

LESTER:

Oh, he's good! Great, actually. I

saw him do "Tru" with his sixty

foot Robert Morse puppet. Sensational.

FLEMMER:

But I think I have another plan.

LESTER:

(snippy)

Do tell. I love a good plan.

FLEMMER:

Why are you being like this?

Lester shrugs.

LESTER:

I missed you. I'm sorry. Tell me

the plan.

FLEMMER:

Well, if Mantini wins, Schwartz will

leave Malkovich, right? So, if he

needs it, I help Mantini's performance

a bit, give him an edge. Spice up the

show.

LESTER:

Can you do that? I mean, do you know

anything about puppetry?

FLEMMER:

I am the Devil, Lester. I think I can

handle it.

LESTER:

I was just asking. No disrespect

intended.

FLEMMER:

Fine. Let's drop it.

LESTER:

Fine. I mean, it's not like I was

doubting you, it's just that I know

puppetry is a skill that takes a long

time to acquire.

FLEMMER:

Fine. I'm not mad. Let's just drop it.

LESTER:

Fine. Your mail's on the kitchen

table. Mostly junk. Oh, there's a

letter from Alex Trebek.

CUT TO:

INT. SEWER - NIGHT

Lotte and Elijah, now dirty and drawn, are talking. Elijah

uses sign language.

ELIJAH (SUBTITLES)

You've got to tell Craig what's going

on. He must never leave Malkovich.

LOTTE:

I'm glad you learned sign language,

Elijah, but I'm tired of your nagging.

I'm tired of this conversation. I'm

tired period. What has the world ever

done for me that I should feel

personally responsible for saving it?

ELIJAH (SUBTITLES)

It is better to light one candle than

curse the darkness. I learned that

from you.

Lotte turns away, shaken. A tear rolls down her face.

LOTTE:

What have I become?

CUT TO:

EXT. BROADHURST THEATER - NIGHT

The Marquee reads: Derek Mantini's sixty-foot Harry S.

Truman puppet and Craig Schwartz's actual-size John

Malkovich puppet in Peter Shaffer's "Equus."

CUT TO:

INT. BROADHURST THEATER - NIGHT

The house is packed. On stage is a minimalist set: wood

planks and metal poles. Six guys in brown turtlenecks and

stylized wire horse heads mill about. The 60 foot Harry S.

Truman puppet is pacing, his strings extending up into the

flyspace and out of sight. Malkovich sits on a bench. Truman

and Malkovich both take stabs at British accents.

HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET

Do you dream often?

MALKOVICH:

Do you?

HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET

It's my job to ask the questions.

Yours to answer them.

MALKOVICH:

Says who?

HARRY S. TRUMAN PUPPET

Says me. Do you dream often?

MALKOVICH:

Do you?

We see the audience fidgeting in their seats, coughing.

CUT TO:

INT. BROADHURST BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS

The dialogue drones on as Maxine watches coolly from the

wings. She drags on a cigarette. Mr. Flemmer, dressed as

a stagehand, stands behind Maxine. He also watches the

actors, with an occasional sideways glance at Maxine.

MAXINE:

(without turning around)

Keep your eyes in your pants, old

timer.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BROADHURST LOBBY - A BIT LATER

It's intermission. The lobby is crowded. Maxine moves

through the crowd listening to snippets of conversation.

Flemmer, now in a tuxedo, moves about also. First couple:

THEATERGOER #1

That Truman puppet is downright

boring as the psychiatrist.

THEATERGOER #2

It's a wooden performance, really.

Get it? Wooden?

Second couple:

THEATERGOER #3

What's with the Malkovich puppet?

He was much better in Vegas when he

played the piano with his feet.

THEATERGOER #4

I hate it when they try to stretch.

It's like Woody Allen.

Third couple:

THEATERGOER #5

They both stink! I'm going across the

street to second act Miss Saigon.

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