Being Us Page #3

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I can't eat another bite.

It's delicious.

Ah, thanks very much.

I'm glad you liked it.

Not hungry, Frank?

Mm-hm.

So, I went by

Franklin's office today

and he wasn't there.

Shock. He never is.

But when I went to

the faculty lounge

they told me he'd been

in a shouting match

with the Dean of Students.

Over the accusations?

Oh let's just say the

academics are never

all that excited about being

the subject of investigation,

are we, Franklin?

Well, none of us are really.

Oh, but I did finally

find him, though.

You wanna know where?

In one of the

undergraduate cafeterias,

holding court and lecturing

about faculty feudalism.

I'm guessing that you are

some kind of artist.

With your extreme intuition

about these things?

Oh you can't tell me

she doesn't have a

certain air about her.

So, you're a sculptor.

Uh.

I uh, huh, I'm, I'm,

I'm not sure it's

a title that um,

well I, I, I didn't,

I didn't know

that uh, Walker had

shared that about me.

Whoops. Looks like

you blew it, man.

Oh no. It's not a secret.

Um, it's just a hobby.

I certainly don't care

if anybody refers

to me as an artist.

That's very refreshing.

If only more people were

content with their place

instead of always

straining to what, what,

what is it now to, to

reinvent themselves?

Oh, that's a pretty easy thing

for a man in your position

to say, isn't it?

I mean, tenure, status.

He has achieved a certain

measure of infamy.

I'll grant you that.

Absolutely.

I might add...

Yes, not many educators

need to keep an attorney

on retainer.

My husband is a special man.

So, what is that you do

when you're not defying

classification?

I listen to people experiencing

their own importance, and,

uh, it's fascinating.

Spoken like a bitter shop girl.

Uh-uh, especially middle

class intellectuals.

Or so you've observed when

you're sitting in your room

with your little putty knife

and your strained imagination.

Really, honey, you should

mind your table manners.

Ladies, we're approaching

a breach of civility.

Ha.

I won't hold out

much hope, though.

Polite conversation is a

lost art to your generation.

You don't seem to want

to take your own advice.

I think maybe we could all use

a little refresher

course in that one.

Further evidence of

cultural collapse.

You see, contemporary parents

are so terrified of

inflicting trauma

that they've

completely forgotten

the application of discipline.

Ah, yeah.

I'd hate to think of

what a child would learn

at your knee.

Education comes often

in surprising forms.

What about all the

parents out there

don't know their ass

from their elbow?

Well, I suppose they keep you

social workers employed.

We often fail to

protect our kids.

That's a salient point.

Well, I'm not so sure

that protecting children

should be our first priority.

After all, the traditionally

the role of children

was to serve the family.

You mean, like at a sweatshop,

or would you rather have them

closer to home, you know,

mom needs a maid.

Dad needs a little plaything.

Hmm?

Yeah.

And you've seen

it all, I gather.

You feel like getting some air?

Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Playing the victim

certainly is handy

when claiming the moral

high ground, isn't it?

What the f*** would

you know, huh?

Huh? What the f***

would you know, b*tch?

- F*** you.

- Margaret, wait.

F*** you, man.

Hey, hey, wait, Margaret.

Don't you dare follow me.

F*** you.

I'll f*** you on

the table, b*tch.

F***.

She's moody.

No, you're moody.

I think she may be something

a little more advanced.

Look, sometimes she...

sometimes she acts a

little different, okay.

Different?

How much do you know

about Margaret?

How much should I know?

I know how I feel about her.

You know how you want to feel.

Do you know if she's receiving

any sort of treatment?

She hasn't mentioned anything.

Any medication?

I don't know.

Walker, something's

pretty wrong here.

I mean, she picks a fight.

No, no. She did not

pick that fight.

When she gets it, she

just erupted like that.

I can see that

she's very lovely,

but she seems to be

in a lot of pain.

Can you do anything to help her?

I don't think this is something

I should be involved with.

She doesn't strike me

as the kind of woman

who has a lot of options, John.

All right. All right.

If she's willing, send her to me

and I'll see her once.

Try and make some kind

of basic diagnosis.

Maybe I can, I can refer

her to a specialist.

Alright.

Now, I'm going to

ask you something

and you're not going to like it.

Why am I with her?

People don't stay with someone

above their level of health.

Maybe I'm not.

Well, she does seem to fit

all your normal criteria.

Don't make her out to

be a tendency, Okay?

She's a person.

You are reenacting the

same relationship

over and over.

Yeah, kinda like

this conversation.

Yeah, like the one

with the Vicodin.

She turned out to

be a real charmer.

Honey.

Maybe we should talk

about where this starts,

with Elizabeth.

No, you never knew my sister.

The way you tried

to keep her alive

a long time past when

she wanted to get out.

Don't try to pin me with

some bullshit diagnosis.

Margaret needs me.

And whatever it is that's

f***ing eating at her,

she is fighting it and I'm

gonna help her fight.

All right. All right.

A gentleman, mm-mm-mm.

Did you know that the

door was invented

4,000 years ago

by the Egyptians?

Of course, no one knows

who invented the lock.

Nice wallpaper.

Hi.

Did you know that

tiger shark embryos

will fight in their momma's womb

and only the survivor is born?

And I'm gonna f***

you in the ass.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sweetie, I'm not one to judge,

but if you want to

make this happen,

you will come in the

front like a gentleman.

Wipe your feet before you do.

What is this?

It's for us. It

protects the rug.

Why don't we go

into the bedroom?

I'm assuming your fine

establishment has a bed.

No, no, no I prefer

to do it right here.

Right here.

No.

I want to f*** you

hard right in the ass.

Why don't you take me to

the bed and I'll show you.

Right here. I said here.

No, no, no, no, no.

No! Here!

When's your wife get back, huh?

When did she leave?

This morning?

You have time to do

all the nasty sh*t

that she doesn't do, huh?

You get undressed right now.

No, no, no, man, I

don't f*** on towels,

and I don't f*** guys that

make deals with themselves

that everything's okay

so long as it's not

in the wife's bed.

B*tch.

Please don't.

Please.

I'm going to tell someone.

I'm gonna tell your wife.

Don't! Do as I say.

Don't.

Do as I say or I'll hurt you.

Don't.

Just say yes. Just say yes.

Say yes! Say yes!

That's good. That's good.

Yeah, yeah.

Right here in front of

the steps, all right.

Right on the f***ing steps.

Get away from me!

Open this door!

F*** off!

Look, this is gonna

be much worse for you

if I have to break

down this door.

Open it.

You ain't gonna break down sh*t.

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