Beloved Infidel Page #2

If you were any happier,

I'd need water wings.

Oh, I'm sorry, John. I needed that.

I've been feeling sorry

for myself all day.

You're the only one in Hollywood

feeling sorry for Sheilah Graham.

- Do sit down, John.

- I can't stay.

I just dropped in on my way

to the airport

to give you a word of warning.

Sheilah, darling,

if you go on attacking people,

the door will be slammed in your face

forever. That's no good for columnists.

But, John, I write about Hollywood

as I see it,

and if I attack it, that's my privilege.

I'm a reporter.

I don't mind my columnists being

controversial. That sells papers.

But when they're controversial

controversial, that's trouble.

Some of the publishers are threatened

with loss of advertising.

Please let up a little.

Well, I know that the sure road

to failure is to try to please everybody

and still write a good column.

You know what I mean. Ease up.

Barely time to catch my plane

for San Francisco.

- Oh, John. Must you go now?

- I'll be back in about ten days.

All right.

If you're a good girl

and follow my advice,

I may be able to get you a weekly

radio broadcast, like Louella has.

- Keep that to yourself.

- Yes, all right.

Goodbye, John.

Cut. Print.

I knew you were writing these shorts,

but I didn't know you were in them.

- They needed a no-talent actor.

- Oh, come on.

- Lord Donegall leave?

- Yes. On Sunday.

Listen, got any choice titbits

for my column?

No. But I'm giving a party tomorrow.

I want you to come.

Bob, I'd love to,

but I've been showing Don the town

for two weeks and I'm exhausted.

Oh, come on, come on.

It's somebody's birthday.

Enough things might happen

to fill your column for a week.

- We're ready for you, Mr. Carter.

- Thank you.

Please, it's a fun party.

Don't go away.

No. All right.

- Roll the tape.

- Action.

Today we're taking up

the ordinary household problem

of opening a can of sardines.

The intelligent thing to do

is to use a can opener.

But if there's no can opener available,

many other kitchen utensils will do

the job.

The ice pick.

Simply drive the ice pick

into the tin of sardines.

And use a strong knife...

There you are. Not only

have you freed the can of sardines,

but you also have

your household hint for today.

How to convert a kitchen table

into a flower garden.

Cut. Print.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to propose a toast.

To Scott.

One of the greatest novelists

in the English language.

- Hear, hear.

- And I should know,

because as a punishment, I was forced

to read him since I was six years old.

I don't mean this impostor,

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I mean the real Scott...

Sir Walter Scott.

And in paying tribute to Sir Walter,

the creator of Ivanhoe...

And I don't know why we should.

Instead let me propose a toast to

the Westchester Power and Light Company,

who shut off my lights

and forced me to come to Hollywood,

where I can afford

to give parties like this.

Oh, you lucky girl!

You're going to dance with me.

Stop it. You're making me blush.

- Am I?

- Mm-hm.

You have a lovely sensitive face.

As a columnist,

you've got to be as tough as nails.

And you're going to marry a lord,

aren't you?

Yes. Yes.

Genuine?

- Coronet, ermine robes, the whole...?

- Yes, certainly.

Wear them every morning for breakfast.

That's what you were

really brought up to do?

Absolutely.

How do you put all that together?

Oh... Looks, brains, influence.

And what is it you're going to be?

A duchess? A lady?

- A marchioness.

- Well, there you are. You see?

You're a jigsaw puzzle.

Of course I am. I'm incredible.

Hm...

What are you looking at now?

Surely you've found out

everything you want to know.

Mm-mm.

Which is the happy one

and which is the sad one?

Sad what?

Eye. Everyone has a sad eye

and a happy eye.

Oh?

Well, which is my sad eye?

- This one?

- Mm...

Thank you very much.

I'll tell you something else about eyes.

A grey eye is a sly eye,

a brown eye is a roguish eye,

but a true eye is blue.

And yours are true blue.

Of that there can be no doubt.

And yours are brown.

There's no doubt about that either.

What are you going to do about it?

Well, under the circumstances

there's precious little I can do.

Have dinner with me.

I don't want to lose you.

- When?

- Tomorrow.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Scott.

I'm terribly sorry about

this last-minute thing.

I'm still at the studio.

Stan Harris wants me

to have dinner with him

and talk about a new assignment.

Of all times it would have to be tonight.

I'm afraid that

takes care of the evening for us.

Well, perhaps it needn't.

Look, if you feel like it,

why don't you come by

after you've finished?

I'll still be up.

I'll be there.

All right.

- Hello, Sheilah.

- Hello, Scott. Come in.

Well, how did it go

at the studio today?

I don't really know.

He's got a story

that I'd very much like to do.

They ought to be jolly lucky to get you.

Well...

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

He's not quite so sure about me

as a screenwriter.

I like your place. It's sweet.

Well, thanks...

Let me give you a drink.

No, thanks.

- Are you sure?

- I'm sure.

That's you?

Yes. At the ripe old age of three.

- Who's this little devil?

- Oh, that's my brother, Derek.

Must be your father.

No. No, that's my grandfather,

Sir Richard.

It's a picture taken in his hunting pink.

He was master of the Devon Staghounds.

The old boy was insane

about the subject.

He rode to hounds

until he was 80, I believe.

Well, what do you know.

That was when I was presented at court -

Buckingham Palace, you know.

- Buckingham Palace?

- Yes.

- Would you...?

- Shall we...?

- Shall we have a look outside?

- At the view, yes.

Um...

Now you tell me about you.

Are there masses of Fitzgeralds?

No, the Minnesota Fitzgeralds are

in short supply lately. There's just me.

I really took this place

just for this view.

And weren't you right.

There's not much noise up here.

One... one sleeps soundly.

I... I mean, once one's in bed, one...

I don't seem to be able to breathe

properly when I'm with you.

You know this is a mistake?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Hold it right there.

OK, thank you.

He's got a great sense of humour.

You and Scott have been friends

for a long time.

I was the best man at his wedding.

I guess I know Scott about as well

as he allows any man to know him.

Mm-hm.

He doesn't volunteer

much about himself.

No, not much.

- What's his wife like?

- Zelda?

She was young... and beautiful.

No party was complete

without the glamorous Fitzgeralds.

Zelda danced on the tables.

They both dove fully dressed into that

fountain in front of the Hotel Plaza.

Oh...

- Where is she now?

- Asheville, North Carolina.

- Are they divorced?

- No.

Zelda's in a sanitarium...

for the insane.

Oh...

They have a daughter.

She was about 13 when Zelda cracked up.

Scott put her in a school.

He had specialists come in from all over

the country to try to help Zelda.

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