Ben X Page #4

We'll be there.

We've got to see.

I can't be late.

She shouldn't

have to wait.

She who doesn't know

what I look like, who I am.

That I'm not there.

But them...

I knew I'd find her.

I'd smell her,

like the dog I am.

There she was.

She'd come.

She'd really come.

For real!

She was waiting

for me.

She was sending

a text message.

Probably to me.

To me about whom she can only fantasize,

whom she doesn't recognize.

To me who is here

with a phone that's disappeared.

Then everything happened

so quickly, as they say.

But everything always happens

too quickly for me.

She left.

Because she couldn't see

the invisible me.

But what my head couldn't do,

my legs were able to.

There's the train.

A spaceship that has come

to collect us from a barren planet.

Courage is everything.

Doing what you thought

you couldn't do.

Her scent was enough.

The scent of a season

that had

yet to be invented

on a continent

still to be discovered,

but that I could smell

miles from the coast.

With her perfect neck

turned towards me,

she was dreaming

up a landscape.

I imagined how

I'd place my lips there,

staking my claim.

My claim to liberation.

Just sitting here

in the warmth from her body,

briefly, everything

was perfect.

This is a passenger

announcement:

We are about to

arrive in Brussels.

Are you okay?

I had to say something.

Anything.

But the only thing I say

is nothing.

All I can do is leave.

And she left.

She just left.

And I just had

to leave too.

I was scared stiff.

A mother feels

these things.

A hundred times

a second I thought,

"Don't let him do

anything stupid.

Please don't let him do

anything stupid."

I remember

he once asked me,

"How many reasons

does someone need

to commit suicide?"

I asked him what

he meant by how many.

He said,

"How many? Two, five, 10?"

That's what he was

thinking about.

He wanted to know

if he had enough.

The endgame.

My plan.

The one-word plan.

Murder.

The murder of myself.

Catch the train.

To nowhere.

There is one advantage

to killing yourself.

You never have

to look far for your victim.

You don't even

do it yourself,

the train does it for you.

What was his motive?

A locomotive.

If you think

it's all over quickly,

you're wrong.

Even if you're

lucky enough

to be decapitated

immediately,

apparently your head

remains conscious

for another

So you can imagine that what goes

through your mind isn't pleasant.

Seeing bits of your body

flying in all directions.

They say that

just before you die...

your life flashes

before your eyes like a film.

So?

Did you see anything?

- But who...

- Who pushed you?

Me, of course.

Who else, blockhead?

You?

Does he have

any distinguishing scars

or birthmarks?

Scars?

It was already broken,

wasn't it?

Did you notice anything

out of the ordinary?

I don't get it, Ben.

Honestly.

Ben.

Are you the man who escaped

from the dungeon of Silancium?

Who crossed Windrill Desert

alone with me?

Who fought Bailor?

Who crossed the swamps

of Ondekon with me?

Who conquered Zerdin?

You're level 80,

for God's sake.

And that's your endgame?

You just throw yourself

under a train?

Was that your plan?

Just click on exit

and log out.

"Gone out.

Don't worry."

That's good news,

isn't it?

It means he's gone out

for a bit and you don't have to worry.

My son doesn't

just go out for a bit

on a Saturday morning.

He's not able to.

Besides, look.

I found this.

I don't know

if you know, Ben, but...

in real life

dying is fairly definite.

You can't change

your mind.

You can die

as much as you like.

But not for real.

That's not the way

we play, Ben.

You're level 80.

Do you want to quit

this world, Ben?

Go on then, go.

But if you want revenge,

take revenge.

Otherwise you're exactly

what they say you are,

a loser.

Play to win, Ben.

Everything's

a matter of planning,

of strategy.

Don't you

just love Fanta?

I'm really happy...

that you're you.

We'll file a missing

person's report

and circulate his

description nationally.

What about this?

What are you going to do

about this?

I'll inform our

social services unit.

They're familiar

with things like that,

unfortunately.

Ben!

"I just wanted to go away,"

he said.

"But I didn't dare die

because I didn't know what that was."

Was that your big plan?

Ben?

How are we going

to do it?

Take poison?

No.

Imagine if you took poison

and then changed your mind.

You'd have to call

the Poison Center.

"Hello?"

The people

at the Poison Center

get lots of phone calls

like that.

That's for idiots.

Or you could hang

yourself.

That's cool. Apparently you die

with a huge erection.

But then

you sh*t yourself.

That's not cool

being found like that, eh?

Ben.

Do you know what else

they always find

under the fingernails

of someone

who's hung themselves?

Little bits of rope

and skin.

Do you know why?

Because they

always desperately try

to get the rope

off their neck.

But they can't.

The chair's too far away

and they can't reach it.

You think it's exciting,

huh, Ben?

Dying.

Dying.

Then everything is solved

in one fell swoop.

Ben is solved

in one fell swoop.

Aren't you going to take

one last look

to see if there's

another solution?

Take one last

look around.

You need to be more

creative, damn you!

Shut up, beautiful.

You are so beautiful.

"Assemble a guild," she said.

"Like in Archlord."

It was her idea.

Some quests are too big

for two.

"You have to help me,"

he said.

So we helped him.

We knew everyone would say

that you can't do that.

But that's more or less

why I did it.

Smoking's forbidden here,

Sabrina.

My name's Sabine.

You should be grateful

for not being able to smoke.

Yeah,

I'm really grateful.

You'll live half

a day longer.

You're not serious,

right?

You're not really

going to do this!

You know you can't!

I can't do it!

Sabine, you don't have

to do anything.

You insisted on coming.

I don't care whether

you come or not

but if you think

it's easy for us,

you're wrong.

Look.

The sea.

The end of the world.

You know what

they say, Ben?

Every end is a beginning.

Anyone want anything to eat?

Ben?

- Sabine?

- No, thanks.

Don't you feel very well,

Sabine?

Not really, no.

Is this how you want

it to be, Ben?

Right.

Ben, uh...

I'II...

Ben!

Ben!

I have to put my back into it.

Everything is a matter

of thinking ahead.

And thinking a-heart.

Everything is a matter

of willpower.

Courage is everything.

Ultimately doing the thing

that you can't do.

If you die in a game

then you're just

out of the game for a while

and you have to go

and look for your body.

All they found of me

was a tape.

And I had gone.

These are particularly

disturbing images

that once again remind us

that one Flemish youngster

takes his or her life every week.

In a recent study,

between 15 and 18

say that they have attempted

suicide at some point.

A very worrying figure.

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