Best Laid Plans Page #2

OK, OK. Look.|Take a deep breath, OK?

Just breathe in, OK?

[Inhales]

Good. Yep.|Now exhale. Let it out.

OK.|It's all right. OK.

You're doing great.|You're a real pro.

OK, now, listen.|Are you hurt?

Are you hurt anywhere?

My lip.

Yeah, I can see that,|but it's nothing serious.

It's just a little cut.

But what I want to know is,|what about the rest of you?

Are you hurt|inside anywhere?

No? OK. Good.

Your friend|didn't hurt me.

No?

I don't care|what he did before.

I won't tell anybody.

I just want to get|out of here.

I just want to go home.

I just want to go home.

Lis-- Listen--

I just want to go home.

I just want to go home,

and then everything|will be fine.

You will. I promise you.

I promise.|I promise you will.

Just hold on.

Hey, Professor...|come on.

We'll be back|in a minute.

Everything's going|to be fine, OK?

Bryce:
You don't|believe her, do you?

Because the second|she gets home,

she's going to|call the cops.

Yeah, she might.

The thing is,|you got to let her|go now.

But there's more to this.

What? What? What?

Look at that.

OK? Now this one.

She's 1 6.

I mean, what 21 -year-old|carries around a fake I.D.

saying she's 1 6?

The girl downstairs|is 1 6!

I mean, it doesn't|matter if she said no.

It doesn't matter|if she screamed yes

and had a notary public|certify it,

she's underage!|It's statutory!

If she presses charges,|I will go to jail!

So I guess a second date's|out of the question then, huh?

Do you see?|Do you see now?

Do you see|how f***ed I am?

Bryce, statutory cases

are very, very hard|to prosecute.

No. The girl is 1 6.|I had sex with her.

Boom. Conviction.|You know what?

And it's not just jail.|It's my job, my career,

my entire education|shot to blistering f***!

Can you imagine explaining|a statutory rape conviction

or even an accusation|to a tenure committee?

Can you?

Bryce, sit down.

You're going to wear tracks|in these people's carpet.

I only wanted|to get laid.

Instead,|I'm getting f***ed!

Nick, I want to let|the girl go.

I'm raring to get her|the hell out of here,

but the only way|I can do that

is if she can guarantee|that she won't tell anyone,

and I don't see|how she can do that.

You won't take|her promise?

She's shown herself to be|a pillar of truthfulness.

And I can't bribe her.|I've got nothing to offer.

And--

Past that, and my thinking|just fails me.

I-- I don't think|I could threaten her.

I could.

What?

I already played|the good cop down there,

so maybe if I go down|and pull a reversal?

Scare the sh*t out of her.

We're f***ed.

You're telling me.

P.A.:
Welcome to Tropico|Recycling Company.

Glass goes...

[Glass Clinking]

Nick!

Sorry, man. I forgot|about your dad's funeral.

Of all days, Barry.

I'm really sorry.

[Cat Screeches]

[Cat Moaning]

Oh, sh*t!

Man:
Is it yours?

Nick:
No.|My neighbor's.

He home?

We OK if I say|she was dead on arrival?

Yeah.

I'm going to|put her down.

Um, excuse me.

The shot costs $30.00.

I'm sorry.

It's the least|I can do.

There you go.

Thanks.

Here's 1 0 back.

Cheap absolution.

I'm sorry.|I'm really running late.

Oh, OK. Go ahead.

I'll just get the info|from her collar.

Thank you.

Sh*t!

Ah, sh*t.

Ever feel like the world's|conspiring against you?

My name's Nick,|by the way.

Mine's Myrtle.

Myrtle.

Really?

[Chuckling]

No.

Thank God.

It's Lissa.

I was just trying to|lower your expectations.

Two Ss?

Yeah. It's short|for Melissa.

When I was learning|to talk,

I used to pronounce|it '' Me Lissa,''

as in '' Me Tarzan,''|so the story goes.

Thanks for the lift.

[Praying]

Let the Lord lift up His|countenance about him

and give him peace.|Amen.

Nick:
I never would|have come back here

after college,|but my father got sick,

so I came home|to take care of him.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm. So anyway,|what's your excuse?

I took the equivalency exam|after sophomore year--

off to be an actress.

Actress?

What, ''actress''?

Can never be sure|if you're being straight,

with you.

You can never be sure,|anyway.

So the first camera|I got in front of--

this incredibly|imposing machinery,

like, right in my face--

and I just...froze.

[Chuckles]

Claustrophobic,|I think.

So it's back to home|and school

and the local vet|to make a buck.

How long have you|lived here?

All my life.

Me, too.|Lafayette High.

Me, too.

So back to school where,|S.U.T.?

Mm-hmm.

The extension program,|studying art.

My dad taught there.|Chaired the history department.

Really?

This was before they|put him in the urn.

Waitress:
|Here you go, sweetie.

Thank you.

Are you all done here?

Mm-hmm. Thanks.

So in an effort to avoid|a similar fate,

next week I will plunder|my father's belongings

for their few items|of value,

go collect my inheritance,

and when all that|is accomplished,

I will quietly, promptly|leave Tropico.

Just that easy?

No.

Well...

it's been nice|meeting you.

I'm sorry we didn't|till now.

Thanks for lunch.

Thanks for dinner.

Thanks for the wake.

[Chuckles]

# I try so hard to remember #

Bye.

Bye.

#What it is that I forgot #

# But I can't|but I can't believe #

#Will you now #

# I've tried|I've tried, I've tried #

# Cried and kissed them bye #

[Giggling]

# Something that we both know #

# Boy, you're on my mind #

# I don't know|how I'm going to #

# Show you what I feel for you #

# But all I know|all I know is I #

# I want to be with you #

#All I know|All I know is I #

#All I know|All I know is I #

# I got to be with you #

Rumor has it he was|a pretty good teacher.

I think you would have|liked him.

This is what he looked like.

Hmm... hmm...

Very sexy.

Really?

Really?

Hmm.

[Elevator Bell Rings]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Knock On Door]

Oh, hi, Nick.

How are you?|Good to see you.

Nick.

Hi.

Come in. Sit down.

I'm really sorry|about your father.

Yeah. I'm going to|miss him.

I brought|his favorite pen.

I've got news.

St. Vincent's Memorial

conducted an autopsy|on your father

and discovered that|his liver was near failure--

a condition which your father|apparently knew of

and failed to list

on his life insurance|application,

which constitutes|a deliberate misrepresentation

and invalidates|his policy.

Which means what,

that I--|that I would--

You don't get|the insurance money.

As a result, I've had to|inform the I.R.S.

of a new compensation|schedule

until the sale|of the house is complete.

Wait, wait, wait.|The I.R.S.?

Your father didn't|mention his back tax...

No.

obligation.

Your father owed|$200,000 in back taxes.

Uh, consequently,|these assets

are subject to a lien,

so the government|has seized them all.

Well, his estate|should constitute

more than that,|right?

After house payments,|your college tuition,

uh, my fees...

What's left over?

It depends on the sale|of the house,

which the bank|has seized title of.

What do I get?

If it goes|for the asking price,

after taxes...

Ah.

Nothing.

Barry:
So...

did everything go OK|with your lawyer?

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