Between Us Page #2

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- But didn't you do communications in

undergrad? - That was a joke degree.

Gracie, I told you not to do that.

[SHARYL] Come on now, Grace.

No, seriously. What? You guys got

real degrees at real schools.

- I hate when you speak like that.

- Dartmouth, Wesleyan, Cornell.

Grace, if it's any consolation, I

learned my worst habits at Dartmouth.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Sounds great.

It's all great.

I think it's a good time for us.

Yeah.

Just beware of giving social

services with those legs.

[CHUCKLES] Don't you worry. I'm gonna

have her wear slacks. Woolen and baggy.

Right? Whatever I wear, I

probably won't look attractive.

- What, are you...

- No, no. [CHUCKLES]

But... maybe.

[JOEL] Oh, sh*t! Babies?

While I go back to school.

It's just speculation.

[SHARYL] Are you trying?

We're not not trying.

- Remember when we used to do that?

- Excuse me?

Remember when we, uh...

When we what?

When we speculated.

[CLEARS THROAT]

And you, Sharyl?

Sharyl? Working or... Me? What?

Are you working or...

No, I'm with

the baby for now.

Are you enjoying it?

Mmm.

Love it.

Well, uh, good.

That's good.

Oh.

[BABY CRYING]

Ooh. Sorry.

I'll be right back.

[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]

Give him the, uh,

Chubby Snubby.

- It's a brown bear. He loves it. [CHUCKLES]

- [SHARYL] I know he loves it.

I was talking to them.

[SHARYL] What?

- I was talking to them!

- [SHARYL] What? I can't hear you!

- [SHOUTING] I was talking to them!

- [GRACE LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry.

[SHARYL] I introduced

the Chubby Snubby to him.

- No! I bought it, actually.

- You bought it and threw it at him.

[SHARYL] I've actually played with him

with the bear. Are they being serious?

And besides, Joel...

Chubby Snubby is dead.

[IMITATES CHOKING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Eh. He'll cry

himself to sleep.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

[BEEPS] Ah, mom-in-law. Yay!

Hello. [JOEL] What exactly

did you mean by that?

We just have some friends over. Excuse me.

What-What do you mean?

No, of course we're not bothered.

Is he dead? Since when?

Shh.

Since when...

Since when is he dead?

I do have to go, Mom.

Joel, easy, easy. I think this dead teddy

bear thing is really upsetting you.

Take the phone.

Sharyl?

You killed his Chubby Snubby?

Huh? Yes.

I ate his Chubby Snubby. Now take the phone.

[MOM CHATTERING]

What? No, the Chubby Snubby. The

one with the bow in its hair.

We took the bear to the Salvation Army, Mom.

We said bye-bye to it.

- The Chubby Snubby was fine.

- You had a Chubby Snubby.

No, what was the thing called?

What was the thing called, Mom?

It was a...

"Bing Bing."

Right. Yes.

- Bing Bing!

- Bing Bing.

It had a little bell. Ask her if

she still has Bing Bing somewhere.

Wait. Shh, shh, shh. We made the name up,

Mom. Sharyl. Sharyl.

Ask her if she still has Bing Bing.

Can I talk?

Ask if she still has Bing

Bing somewhere. Shh!

Ask. Ask her.

Do you still have his

Bing Bing somewhere?

Did you have

a Bing Bing?

Of course she still has

your Bing... Oh! What?

What? I shouldn't have

thrown the Chubby Snubby out?

Well, thank you,

Mom!

- Will you deal with her?

- I don't feel like talking to Mom.

[PHONE THUDS,

SLIDES ON FLOOR]

[JOEL]

Okay.

[MOM ON PHONE]

Sharyl?

[MOM CHATTERING,

INDISTINCT]

Hi, Mom. Yeah, um, I can't talk right now.

Can I call you back?

Thanks. Bye.

[BEEPS]

[VOICE BREAKING] So you

killed his Chubby Snubby?

[SHARYL] Shut up with the

goddamn Chubby Snubby.

Shut up!

[GRACE] I gotta say,

it's a little strange...

having you two show up

at our doorstep like this.

[SHARYL] We didn't plan on dropping in

like this. [JOEL] It was short notice.

[GRACE] I would've prepared something.

[JOEL] No, no, no.

We came to New York on this, uh,

romantic weekend. [SHARYL] On impulse.

[JOEL] Yeah, on impulse.

We do that a lot nowadays.

We travel on impulse. [

GRACE] That must be nice.

[JOEL] See some shows.

Visit old restaurants.

[JOEL] Yes! At Le Fou. We ate there.

[SHARYL] We thought of you.

[JOEL] Yeah, yeah. We thought, you know? It was

so delicious. [SHARYL] We just, you know...

Dropped in and...

Dropped in.

Right. [CHUCKLES]

[JOEL] Yeah.

Whoa. Come in, please.

Thank you.

[CARLO]

Have a seat.

We thought you guys

wouldn't see us, but... Uh...

[CARLO CLEARS THROAT]

We wanted to make things

better between us.

We didn't get a Christmas card

from you the last couple of years,

and you really haven't returned

any of my calls. I know.

And this is the only way

we could get to see you.

Okay, we won't

overstay our welcome.

No, no, no. Please. No,

stay as long as you need.

- You can sleep over.

- What?

No. We have... We have a

hotel room that's great.

Kind of amazing hotel room. We're

sort of dying to get back to it.

- [CARLO] Oh. Okay.

- [SHARYL SIGHS]

What is, uh...

What's with the cane?

What is...

Is this Mr. Peanut?

[CHUCKLES] Uh, no. I broke my leg.

But it's better.

It's getting better.

Good.

[CARLO]

Good.

It's great to see you guys.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Is it?

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

- I mean, you'd think after last time.

- Come on. We all have our days.

- Right?

- Things are...

[DOOR BUZZER BUZZES]

Things are better.

They are.

[BUZZER BUZZES]

Ooh.

We ordered...

No, please.

We ordered some milk shakes. Sit down.

Sit down. Put your cane back.

[CARLO] Excuse me. [

DOOR RELEASE BUZZES]

- [HORN HONKS]

- Is that your limo out there?

Oh, it's a town car.

With a driver inside?

It's a glorified cab really. We've-We've

been out all day. It's just so much easier.

He's just sitting there,

waiting for you.

You want me to invite him up?

Okay.

Sorry about that.

Uh, here, why don't

you guys take these.

[JOEL CHUCKLES]

No, no, no.

[JOEL] We should avoid... No!

[SHARYL] We can't...

I insist. [JOEL] Okay.

Oh. I gotta get you guys some straws.

Thank you.

Excuse me, baby.

How much did you tip the guy?

Uh, enough.

Here you go. One for you. One for you.

[JOEL CHUCKLING]

- The change. - Uh... She's just upset

that I gave you guys our shakes.

[GRACE] The change. It's

two milk shakes, baby.

Fifty cents? Not a tip. I

rounded up to the dollar.

- It's embarrassing.

- What am I supposed to do? Tip 30%?

Why be stingy over some milk shakes?

Stingy?

Would you stop her, please?

It's kind of funny, so...

Wait, look, he...

I'm glad we're entertaining you.

The poor guy

makes no salary.

He's probably an undocumented worker.

Poor guy? Whoa!

- Look outside. It's 90 degrees. It's like...

- Hey, easy. Shh.

Don't shush me! It's sweltering.

Shh.

For your milk shakes. And you tip

him some change. Okay, okay.

How about, I'm gonna call him back then.

Call him back, what?

I will call him back

and order two more milk shakes.

And tip him 20 dollars, okay?

How about that?

[CARLO SIGHS] Wow. No, no, no.

Excuse me. No, uh-uh. No, no!

Hi, this is...

Yes, 605 West 38th Street.

Hello? Yes, we would like two more

milk shakes, please. Yes, two...

Okay. Thank you very much.

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