Big Page #2

You can have anything

that's in it! Go away!

M-M-M-My baseball team

is called the Dukes!

Uh, I made this for you.

Who are you calling?

I have a birthmark

behind my left knee!

- You bastard.

What did you do to my son?

- I am your son, Mom.

- Where is my child?

Where is my son?

- Oh, Ma! Ma! Ma!

Police!

Hands up!

Hands up on defense!

Come on! All the way.

All the way.

It's all yours!

All right, stop!

I'm open! Here! I'm open!

Shoot it! Yeah!

Gentlemen, this period is over.

- You stink, Kopecki!

- Get back to the locker rooms

and get on to your next class.

- Billy, you stink!

Wash shirts and shorts.

Billy, do us both a favor.

Put the balls in the equipment closet

and you practice your layup.

Horowitz, pick up that shirt

or I'll make you eat it. It stinks!

Let's go, gentlemen.

Hey, let's go now.

Billy.

Yeah?

What?

It's me.

- It's Josh.

- Coach Barnes!

No! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Coach Barnes!

Billy, shut up!

I'm your best friend!

Please, you gotta believe me.

Don't hurt me.

I'll prove it to you.

Billy, please!

Look, I'm not gonna hurt you!

Help! Help!

Goddamn it,

Billy Francis Kopecki!

Look, I know I don't look

like myself, okay?

But something really strange

happened, and I'm really scared!

I need your help!

You're my best friend!

I can prove it to you.

Um Oh!

# The space goes

down, down, baby #

# Down, down the roller coaster

Sweet, sweet baby #

# Sweet, sweet

Don't let me go

Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop #

# Shimmy, shimmy, rock

Shimmy, shimmy, koko bop

Shimmy, shimmy, rock #

# I met a girlfriend

A Triscuit #

# She said a Triscuit

a biscuit #

# Ice cream soda pop

vanilla on the top #

# Ooh, Shalida

walkin' down the street

# I meant it, I said it

I stole my mama's credit #

# I'm cool, I'm hot

Sock you in the stomach

three more times ##

Josh?

You look terrible.

I know.

He had on a blue, uh, sweatshirt

with a hood on it...

that said "Giants"

across the front.

He-He ran in here.

He ran into the kitchen.

He followed me a-around

that pillar there,

and when I got into the kitchen,

he turned around

and he pulled down his pants...

and he exposed his heinie.

I-I can't. I can't.

I was in the house making gravy,

and I heard this commotion.

That's right.

We're at the scene right now.

We've talked to the mother.

She's pretty hysterical.

She's not making

any sense at all.

There's no ransom note,

no prints. There's no nothin'.

I'll tell you what

file a report, be on the safe side.

Shut up!

Bet he ran away.

Wish I could.

Want me to pack your bags?

It's me.

You couldn't wish

for a million dollars?

Take that off. Don't worry.

I got it all figured out.

Go to the city,

lay low for a couple days,

find that Zoltar thing,

make your wish.

You'll be home by Thursday.

It grew all over.

- Hmm.

- Why can't I just tell them

what happened?

You did, and your mom

tried to kill you.

I'm gonna get in one awful lot

of trouble because of this.

They'll probably be so happy

to see you, you'll probably get

a new bike out of it.

Come on. Let's get going.

Oh!

Excuse me.

Thanks.

She's a problem.

This is the time of day when

she gets cranky and she cries.

She does it every day.

I'm not supposed to go to

New York without my folks.

You'll be all right. Here.

Where did you get that?

My father's sock drawer.

You stole it?

It's his emergency fund.

Fine! Fine. Fine.

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Kill the b*tch.

Kill her with a knife.

Kill her with a knife!

Kill the b*tch. Kill the b*tch.

Kill her with a knife.

Put it in. B*tch!

Kill the b*tch!

Kill her!

You lookin' for some fun

tonight, sweet thing?

No, thank you.

Hey, man.

Spare some change?

No, not really.

Hey, this looks okay.

No, it doesn't.

St. James, Josh.

It's religious.

Stay out there all night,

all day and all night again?

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, we would like

a hotel room, please.

$ 10 deposit for the sheets.

Mm-hmm.

You go straight

to the top of the stairs.

The last door on the right,

next to the bathroom.

Wait a second.

I'll show you.

It smells bad.

Shh.

Have a pleasant stay.

Thanks.

Hey, Angel!

Get out of that

bathroom now!

He's in that bathroom

all night.

I don't want

to stay here by myself.

I can't help it, Josh.

I gotta be home by 10:00.

Look, I'll cut classes tomorrow.

We'll find that Zoltar thing

before you know it, okay?

Just one night. All right?

All right.

Good.

- What if I can't sleep?

- It's probably better if you don't.

See you in the morning.

Well, you know,

like, what time?

I'd use the chain, if I were you.

All right. Come on out.

Open the door.

Stay away from here.

If you don't have the money,

don't show us your face over here!

Goddamn it!

Get out!

Watch the money!

Give me that!

Mom. Mom.

You really think

we'll find it today?

It's a big city, Josh.

I bet there's a million

Zoltar machines.

Well, where should we

start first?

I don't know. Oh, let--

Let's try the next street.

I told you,

it's not a video game.

Then what is it?

Well, it's not a video game.

This one's got a number on it.

Does yours?

No. Wait. Here's one.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Do you have Zoltar?

No, I told you,

I looked back in the back.

I've got Powerhouse--

We really need Zoltar.

I haven't got it.

What did the guy

at the arcade say?

They have to license them.

And where are we?

Uh, the licensing bureau.

Right. So all we gotta do is

get a list of all the carnivals,

then track it down.

Will you quit

your moping now?

I'm not mopin'.

Can I help you?

- Yes. We would like a list

of all carnivals and fairs.

- And arcades.

Yeah.

Carnivals and fairs.

Try Consumer Affairs

down the hall, Room 111.

Thank you.

Fill this out in triplicate.

Five dollar filing charge.

- See?

- One month to process.

You get it in six weeks.

- Six weeks?

- Sometimes longer,

but you could get lucky.

Next, please!

Fill this out in triplicate.

I'm gonna be 30 years old

for the rest of my life.

Would you come on?

We'll figure something out.

By the way, you may be

older than that.

So now what?

I'll come and see you

every day after school.

How?

I'll tell them I made

the basketball team.

I won't have nothin' to do.

You can get a job.

Can't get a job.

Why? Can't be

any different than school.

What are you good at?

I don't know.

Making spitballs?

How 'bout a delivery man?

I don't know how to drive.

Yeah, right.

Cardiological technician.

Civil engineer.

You're not gonna

eat your cherry?

Go ahead.

Clerical transcriber.

Billy.

Yeah.

Gross. God, that's gross!

Check, please.

- Go to the next column.

- Collection agent. Company clerk.

Computer operator.

Construction engineer.

Computer operator?

What?

Computer operator.

Read that one.

-Josh, will you quit

with your stupid computers!

-Just read it.

"MacMillan Toys." Toys!

- Toys!

Whee-whee-whee-whee, Jags.

"Seeking experienced computer operators

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