Big Ass Spider Page #6

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No.

That's what I thought.

Our guns are doing nothing

against this thing.

Disengage. Disengage. Pull back,

but maintain visual contact.

See, it's a perfect target up there.

If we can take it out on the rooftop,

it'll keep civilian

casualties to a minimum.

As long as we take out that

building before the eggs hatch.

[KARLY SCREAMS]

So can I ask you

something else, Alex?

Sure. Go, Mexican Robin.

How are we going to

kill this big spider?

I'm trying to figure that one out.

I mean, we can't shoot it.

Why?

Why? Because it's huge. The exoskeleton

alone is stronger than anything

we've got to penetrate it, and

it's resistant to flames.

It's resistant to

any kind of heat.

We have not even created a

fire suit strong enough to-

Fire, eh? How about fuego?

No, no, I just said

it's resistant to fire.

Yes, but the web catches on

fire, so can we use that?

Wait a minute.

What?

Wait a minute. That's it. Jose!

What?

If we can ignite the spinneret, we

can blow it up from the inside out.

Really?

- Yes!

What's a spinneret?

Spinnerets.

Spinnerets.

Spin.

Spin.

Spin.

Er... er... ets.

...ets.

Spinnerets.

Where's the spinnerets?

In its ass.

So we have to shoot the

spider in the butt.

In the butt.

How we going to do that?

That's right.

Uh, how we going to do that?

With this.

Oh, baby.

Right?

[JOSE LAUGHS]

Wicked.

Where's the air strike?

E.T.A. two minutes.

Have them circle once more.

You are insane, Braxton.

You can't risk these

eggs hatching. Take

down that building now.

I'm done with you scientists.

You started this thing.

Now, you let us finish it.

Remove this man.

Escort him out of my

command center now.

I will see you in hell, Braxton.

Get me Alex on the phone.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Western. We live to kill.

Alex, you have 10 minutes

to get to the 60th floor.

After that I have no choice. We can't

risk any of those eggs hatching.

Ten minutes is all

we're going to need.

Look out. Look out!

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SOUND MUFFLED]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING IN B.G.]

No, no.

Jose! Hey, Jose!

[JOSE GASPS]

Okay, I've got to go save Karly.

I've got to go save those people.

I'm coming with you.

No, we may not get out

of there in time.

Then we better get moving.

Let's do it, Alex.

Air strike E.T.A.

five minutes away.

[TARGET ACQUIRED.

TARGET ACQUIRED]

E.T.A. three minutes.

God help us all.

[MUZAK PLAYING]

[JOSE HUMMING]

[ALEX JOINS IN, BEATBOXING]

[SINGING]

We're gonna kill some spiders.

Gonna kill some spiders dead.

We're gonna kills some spiders. Gonna

shoot those muthas in the head.

[ALEX CONTINUES BEATBOXING]

And stop.

That's pretty good.

That was all right.

Let's do this. You ready?

I'm ready.

You nervous?

Yes.

It's good that you're nervous.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Let's do this.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. This is what

I was afraid of. She's laid her eggs.

Holy juevos.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, man.

Alex!

Karly.

Alex!

She's alive.

You were right.

I'm going to go help her.

You help these people.

Okay, I will.

There you go. Go towards

the exit on the left,

there's a lot of spiders

on the right. Okay

Alex!

Okay, I'm right here.

Right here.

Just promise me this is the last time that

I'm going to have to rescue you today.

I mean, seriously, two

saves in one day.

Hurry.

Alex! Alex!

I got it.

Nice.

Oh, boy.

Here they come. Time to go!

Help me! Oh, my God, help me!

I need a hand. I need a hand!

Oh, my God, she's dead.

[SECOND WOMAN SCREAMS]

We gotta go. We gotta go.

Alex!

Come on, Alex! Clear out!

Clear out!

[ALEX LAUGHING]

Come on, Alex!

Thank you for calling Western.

[ALEX SCREAMS]

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on!

[ALEX AND JOSE SCREAM]

Nice shot.

Yeah, well, now we're even.

No, not quite.

What?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

We're out of time.

Engage target. Engage target.

Yes!

Well, let's not

celebrate just yet.

[ALEX AND JOSE LAUGH AND HOOT]

So how much you gonna charge

for killing the big spider?

I don't know, but I hope it

covers the cost of a new truck.

Yes, he is. The major

wants to talk to you.

Major? Hope I'm not in trouble.

I hope not either.

Yeah, Major?

I gotta hand it to you, kid.

You knocked it

out of the park. Thank

you for saving Karly.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

I told you I'm a professional.

That you are, son. That you are.

Yeah, well, any time you have any

trouble, you know who to call,

except it's not going to be cheap.

I've got a partner now.

[JOSE CHUCKLES]

And there's a little

business about my, uh...

my truck. I made some

modifications to it.

Alex.

And I'm not sure that the insurance

at the company's going to cover it.

Alex.

Major, I'm going to

have to call you back.

Alex, can we get out of here?

I'm sorry, Jose. I live to kill.

Okay.

I got your back, babe.

Hey, Jose.

What?

You remember that conversation

we had in the... in the truck?

Which one?

The one about the spinneret.

We're going to shoot

it in the butt.

Find me that bazooka!

You got it, Alex.

You want some of the Ex?

Alex! I'm coming.

Throw it to me.

Watch out, Alex! Wake up, Alex!

Up yours.

[MEN CHEERING]

Yeah!

Nicely done.

I told you I'm a pro. I'm a pro.

Oh, look at you, you're gross.

Oh.

You've got web all over you.

You're one to talk.

Well, it looks like we're

stuck together for a while.

Is that a problem?

No, I don't have a

problem with that.

Well, what should you do with

the rest of your day off?

I can think of a few things.

All right, you guys.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay. Hey, come on, guys.

Get a room. Okay?

Alex, I'm afraid we have a little problem.

What's the biggest cockroach you ever saw?

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