Big Driver

1

Okay, so, a murderer

drowns his victim

with a mouthful of snow.

You get it'?

It melts.

No evidence.

Uh...

Hello?

Well,

it's different.

You know, could expand

your eskimo readership.

What do you think?

Yes, I love that outfit.

I'd kill for that.

Thank you.

All right.

So, here's the other one.

The girls find

a dead siamese twin

holding a fired gun,

all right?

They have to try to figure out

which twin killed the other.

Like that?

Oh. Here's a thought...

Maybe it wasn't murder.

Maybe it was suicide.

Yeah, personally,

I'd go

with the siamese twins.

They're enemies

the same organs.

That's twisted.

Yeah, "the willow grove

knitting society

goes to siam."

Girls use the needles

as chopsticks...

Total classic.

Can't go to siam...

It was renamed

thailand in 1948.

Did you know that?

And doreen hates

to fly.

I'm really glad

you liked it, though.

I'm gonna leave myself

a message later

with more details, but...

Okay.

What am I forgetting?

Did you put paint on your arm'?

Ah.

Okay, what am I forgetting?

Earrings.

Yes, earrings.

You know what'?

They should make

your novels into movies,

get like some big actress

with lots of oscars

to play the enigmatic

painter friend...

Who could very easily

be added to the plot.

I will tell hollywood

about your feelings. Look.

Thinking?

Ah, yes. Definitely.

I am so late.

I think it's great you get

a chance to meet your fans.

Ouch!

You okay'?

I'm fine.

By the way, fritz...

Totally pissed I'm going.

He'll get over it.

Far more importantly,

can I borrow some dvds'?

You must have like

every movie ever made.

I have movies that haven't

even been thought of yet.

Uh, chapstick, chapstick,

chapstick.

no chapstick.

All right.

Why do I get myself into these things?

Can you just tell me'?

Uh, hard, cold cash.

Take it.

Do something fun.

I put all of my speakers fees

in the bank.

That's fun, right?

Hey, you.

I'm gonna miss you.

You be nice to patsy

while I'm gone.

I got to get on the road.

Bye, fritz.

Give me a call

when you get back tonight.

We'll have a glass of wine.

Okay.

I just set the alarm.

You know the code. Thanks.

You're welcome.

You're lying.

Chap-stick. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay.

All right.

See you later.

Okay. Knock 'em dead.

Right, hopefully.

Bye.

Bye.

See you soon, girls.

And all the roses

seem to fade

And somehow

I have lost my way

sunlight always turns to

In two miles,

take the onramp

towards the I-84 north.

You always know

the best way, tom.

Time will pass,

and seasons change

we all start to act our age a'

now make a right turn

as the distance

makes us strange

play your part

up on the stage

and I'm tired of pretending

that I'm happy to be here

as our time together's ending

I just want to tell you

dear love

dear lo-o-o-ve a' you have

reached your destination.

Dear love

dear lo-o-o-ve

dear love

dear...

Thanks, tom.

I should let you out of there sometime.

It must get cramped.

Hello.

You take the 84'?

Did.

Ah.

Ramona Norvell,

president of the three bees.

Finally we meet

after all the phone yak.

Yes, ramona. Tess. It's so nice

to put a face to the voice.

Oh, ditto.

Ooh! Nice gps.

Oh, actually it's... imagine the

way it just sucks the information

down from some whirling

metal ball of technology

high above.

Right?

What are they gonna

think of next'?

Uh, excuse me.

I'm a bit of a mess.

Well, as I mentioned

in my e-mail,

we are all rabid fans

of the knitting society gals.

I'll be writing

your check

from our

books & brown baggers account

just soon as

you're done today.

I even have my own pen.

'Course you do.

You're the president.

Yes.

How was the drive'?

Ugh. Endless.

84 is the worst highway

in america.

Truly.

Walk here faster.

I can save you

an hour easy

heading back

a different way.

Oh. Scenic drive,

singing squirrels...

Whole bit.

I love me a shortcut.

Thank you.

As your most

finely-realized character,

doreen marquis, says in "the willow

grove knitting society goes to dallas,"

"the two best things in life

"are warm croissants

"warm croissants

and a quick way home."

And a quick way home."

The three

bee high rollers

paid extra to meet you

before your speech.

Gonna love 'em.

And where do you get your

marvellous ideas from, tess?

Uh, believe it or not,

they find me.

They always seem

to know where I am.

"My life,"

written by Tess Thorne,

would be a best seller.

Is that right?

"Erotic potboiler."

"51st shade of grey."

How can I get an agent?

Well, people ask me that

all the time,

and I say,

"just keep writing letters

until one of the hungrier ones

reads your stuff."

I have a fully

detailed outline

if you'd like to see it. Tess.

Could I get

a photo with you'?

Say, "homicide."

Homicide.

Homicide. Homicide.

Let's talk about murder and mayhem...

As they are the flip side

of the american dream.

I'm often asked if I draw my characters

from real life.

The truth is, my strange

and diabolical aunts,

who live for awful gossip,

are the inspiration for the

willow grove knitting society.

As to my other characters...

I'm a little embarrassed

to say this...

Um, ever since

I was a little kid,

I had these voices

in my head... all kinds...

Men, women, old, young,

this mysterious corral

of people I've never met.

So I was either gonna end up

in a padded cell or published...

One or the other.

I think the most important thing

about writing

is that an author knows

about human nature...

The contradictions

we all have,

the lies we pretend

are truths,

the fears that we pretend

are strengths,

the greed and revenge

that we have

that we don't

admit to ourselves.

In my books...

Like in my life, I guess...

Logic is king.

Or I guess, in my case,

the queen.

You were wonderful, tess.

Worth every penny.

Thank you.

They were all so great,

and I sold some books.

Oh, I saw.

"Kiss of death"...

That is such a classic, huh'?

Richard Widmark

was in that.

He's my favorite actor.

I fell in love with him

when I was a girl

after seeing

"kiss of death."

He was so powerful,

so intense.

I got him to sign

this for me... in person.

He was very old then,

but that's a real signature,

not a stamp.

Wow.

He was very handsome.

I'll make sure

you get all the photos

that were taken today.

Thanks. Now let's get

that route for you.

Better a straight shot

through robin hood's forest

than all the way

around it.

We'll input stag road

and U.S. 47.

Oh, by the way, stag road

is very scenic...

Parched asphalt

and all that,

but not too bumpy

the last time I took it,

and that was in the spring,

when the worst bumps show up.

And I hate bumps.

Then when you get to 47,

you will spot a sign

that points to I-84.

And you're only

gonna have to spend

12 miles on the turnpike.

And that's

the beauty part.

You'll save lots of time

and aggravation,

you'll put hours

on your life,

and you'll thank me

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