Big Fish Page #13

EDWARD (V.O.)

As it turned out, Sandra was able tokeep her same date at the chapel. Onlythe groom had changed.

As the MUSIC reaches a crescendo, we suddenly...

CUT TO:

INT. GUEST ROOM - NIGHT [PRESENT]

JOSEPHINE:

I thought you said you didn’t have achurch wedding.

EDWARD:

Well, we were all set to, but there wasa complication.

He reaches for his glass of water, but Josephine already hasit for him. She watches him while he slowly drinks theentire glass, thirstier than he imagined. While he’s

drinking, we...

CUT TO:

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT [CONTINUOUS]

Will, back from the grocery store, reaches the top of thestairs. He hears voices coming from the bedroom.

JOSEPHINE (O.S.)

Is it the medicine that’s making youthirsty?

EDWARD (O.S.)

Truth is, I’ve been thirsty my wholelife. Never really known why.

Will quietly approaches the door, not exactly sneaking, butnot exactly announcing his presence. The door is open a fewinches, letting him look in on his father and his wife.

INTERCUT HALLWAY / BEDROOM

EDWARD (cont’d)

There was one time when I was eleven...

70.

JOSEPHINE:

(gently)

You were talking about your wedding.

EDWARD:

I didn’t forget. I was just working ona tangent. See, most men, they’ll tella story straight through, and it won’tbe complicated, but it won’t beinteresting either.

JOSEPHINE:

I like your stories.

EDWARD:

And I like you.

He doesn’t let the moment linger with undue sentimentality.

There’s a story to be told.

EDWARD (cont’d)

Now. The thing about working for acircus is you don’t have a regularaddress, and after three years I had alot of undelivered mail.

In the hallway, Will shifts to a new position, lettinghimself listen to the story one more time.

EDWARD (cont’d)

During the four weeks I was in thehospital, the postmaster finally caughtup with me.

INT. HOSPITAL - DAY

Bruised and bandaged, Edward sorts through a big bag of mailwith help from Sandra. He rips open an official-lookingletter. Reading it, his face drops.

FLUTE and DRUM, music rising to a military cadence.

EDWARD (V.O.)

It turned out that while my heartbelonged to Sandra, the rest of my bodybelonged to the U.S. Government.

INT. ARMY AIRPLANE - NIGHT

With a buzz cut and paratrooper gear, Edward squats with adozen other SOLDIERS. The noise of the ENGINES is deafening,

but Edward is engrossed in an Asian phrasebook.

71.

EDWARD (V.O.)

A hitch in the Army was up to threeyears at that point, and having waitedthree years just to meet Sandra, I knewI couldn’t survive being away from herthat long. So I took every hazardousassignment I could find, with the hopeof getting my time down to less than a

year.

The JUMP LEADER yells...

JUMP LEADER:

GO! GO! GO!

One by one the men jump out, their chutes clipped to a mainline. When his time comes, Edward leaps...

...but he’s stuck. His cord is caught up in the assembly.

He twists and struggles, trying to free himself. Lookingdown, he can see the white parachutes disappearing into thedarkness. They’re already long gone.

Digging a knife out of his pocket, Edward gets to workcutting through the cable. It finally POPS. Edward jumpsfrom the plane.

EXT. OUTSIDE STAGE - NIGHT

A THOUSAND CHINESE SOLDIERS sit, bored, watching theequivalent of a U.S.O. show.

A CHINESE VENTRILOQUIST is on stage with his Communistpuppet. We have no idea what they’re saying to each other,

but every act is fundamentally the same.

The EMCEE comes on to usher him off the stage before he’sfinished. The Ventriloquist protests, but finally gives in.

The Emcee makes a “shoot him in the neck” motion to one of

the ARMED GUARDS off-stage.

EXT. HIGH ABOVE THE STAGE - NIGHT

We LOOK DOWN with Edward, who is drifting right for thestage. He can’t steer. He’s helpless.

But then, a BLAST of fireworks from the sides of the stage.

The lights go out as a DRUM ROLL begins. It’s just enoughcover for Edward to remain unseen.

He lands with a CLANG on the lighting catwalk above thestage. He barely grabs on, disconnecting his chute just asthe curtain goes up.

72.

Edward looks out at the sea of excited soldiers. Every oneof them would kill him. He’s the legless cricket left on theanthill.

EXT. ON STAGE

The curtain rises to reveal PING (27) at a microphone. She’s

as gorgeous a woman as you’ll ever see.

She stands with her hips turned in profile. Her body is aknockout, dress cut to reveal skin. The soldiers are on

their feet, WHISTLING and HOLLERING.

UP ON THE CATWALK, Edward is surprised by an ENEMY SOLDIER.

The two men begin to SCUFFLE.

MUSIC starts, a vampy torch song. Ping sings melody while anoff-stage voice carries perfect harmony.

PING:

Sometimes a girl can feel so alone

Without a lover to call her own.

Sometimes it’s so bad, she wants to explode.

Wants to grab the first man she sees and tear

off his clothes.

A ROAR from the soldiers. She knows what they want.

Still fighting, Edward jumps for a pole on the far side ofthe catwalk, sliding down it to end up

BACKSTAGE.

His determined opponent follows him down.

PING (cont’d)

But she won’t.

No, she can’t.

She needs a special special different unusual

man.

Because that girl,

Who looks like me,

She has wants, but she has needs.

PING (cont’d)

(speaking)

Any of you got needs?

The soldiers ROAR LOUDER, STOMPING on the bleachers.

Backstage, the two men are still fighting.

PING (cont’d)

(chorus)

I’ve had twice the adventure,

73.

Cried double the tears.

Two times the bad times in half the years.

I need a strong man, because I’ve got

Twice the love to give.

For the first time, Ping turns, and now we see why she wasstanding in profile. Ping is one-half of

SIAMESE TWINS.

Her identical twin is JING, who’s been singing harmony allthis time. They are two separate women who join at thewaist, one set of perfect legs beneath them.

Edward sees the twins from behind, does a double-take. It

costs him a punch to the jaw.

PING (cont’d)

Say hello, Jing.

JING:

Hello Jing.

PING:

(to the crowd)

I’m Ping. She’s Jing. She’s the good

one.

(closer)

I’m the bad one.

As the MUSIC builds towards the climax, Edward finishes thefight, knocking the guard out with a right hook.

As Ping and Jing reach the last chorus, they strike a finalpose in the shape of a heart, their arms forming the arches,

their backs forming the curves.

Edward slips behind curtains, trying to get away.

The soldiers are SHOUTING for an encore, lighters waving.

The curtain slowly lowers, revealing

EDWARD’S PARACHUTE.

The APPLAUSE dies, replaced by a concerned RUMBLE. The Emcee

yells for the Guards to search.

ON STAGE:

Ping has no idea what’s happening. Jing reaches into hercleavage to pull out her eyeglasses.

74.

INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT

As ARMED GUARDS search the halls below the stage, Ping andJing shut the door to their dressing room. At the closet,

they start to change outfits. Off-stage, their personalitiesbecome quite apparent: Ping is brash, bitchy and ambitious,

while Jing is quiet, sweet and bookish.

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