Big Fish Page #15

WILL:

I have no idea who you are because youhave never told me a single fact.

EDWARD:

I’ve told you a thousand facts. That’s

all I do, Will. I tell stories.

WILL:

You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusinglies. Stories are what you tell a five-

year old at bedtime.

(MORE)

81.

WILL (cont'd)

They’re not elaborate mythologies youmaintain when your son is ten andfifteen and twenty and thirty. And the

thing is, I believed you. I believed

your stories so much longer than Ishould have. And then when I realized

that everything you said was impossible-- everything! -- I felt like such afool to have trusted you. You were

like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunnycombined. Just as charming and just asfake.

EDWARD:

You think I’m fake.

WILL:

Only on the surface. But that’s all

I’ve ever seen.

Edward looks away, angry and disbelieving.

WILL:

Dad, I’m about to have a kid of my ownhere. It would kill me if he went

through his whole life neverunderstanding me.

EDWARD:

It would kill you, huh?

Finally -

EDWARD:

What do you want, Will? Who do youwant me to be?

WILL:

Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just

show me who you are for once.

EDWARD:

I have been nothing but myself sincethe day I was born. And if you can’tsee that, it’s your failing, not mine.

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

With a skimmer pole, Will cleans the leaves and debris out ofthe pool, but it’s a fool’s errand. The pool has long sincegone native, a shiny slick of algae on the surface, slimecovering the cemented rocks.

82.

Suddenly, an underwater shape RIPPLES against the water’ssurface. Will is so startled that he drops the pole, whichdisappears into the murky water.

A beat. He looks around, relieved that no one saw that. He

casually walks away.

INT. BASEMENT STORAGE AREA - DAY

The doors open to reveal Sandra, Will and Josephine, staringinto the mouth of oblivion. The storeroom is a museum of

hasty decisions and half-finished projects: partially builtoutboard motors, dead bonsai trees, Frankensteinianlawnmowers. We also find boxes of products Edward used tosell.

Clearing a path, Sandra leads Will to a roll-top desk, itsribs covered in dust. Two beaten metal file cabinets sit

beside it.

SANDRA:

Your father decided he needed to have

an office, and it wouldn’t do to haveit in the house. You’ll know better

than me what’s important.

With some effort, Will forces up the desktop. With a HISS, aneighbor’s cat makes a run for it. Will’s getting used tobeing startled.

INT. BASEMENT STORAGE AREA - DAY [LATER]

Will, Sandra and Josephine have worked through two trash bagsof papers to throw out. Looking through a new file, Sandramakes a small sound. A memory.

WILL:

What is it?

Sandra hands Will a yellowed telegram. He shares it with

Josephine.

SANDRA:

It was during the war. Your father

went missing. They thought he wasdead.

Will can’t believe what he’s reading.

WILL:

That really happened?

83.

SANDRA:

Not everything your father says is acomplete fabrication.

A beat, then Sandra stands.

SANDRA:

I’m going to check on him.

JOSEPHINE:

I need to lie down for a bit.

WILL:

Go.

Josephine kisses him, then follows Sandra. Will re-reads the

telegram, still bewildered.

Looking for a place to put it, he tucks it into a strangemechanical hand on the desk. It clamps down automatically.

Will smiles, a memory. He hasn’t thought about this devicein years. We slowly PUSH IN on the telegram, held in thehand.

Edward’s VOICE begins as a memory...

EDWARD (V.O.)

After the war, the sons of Alabamareturned home, looking for work. Each

had an advantage over me. They werealive, while I was -- officially --

deceased.

INT. DOWNTOWN OFFICE - DAY [STORY]

Edward shakes hands with his new boss, a TOUPEED MAN. The

company is called “Confederated Products.” The OFFICE LADIES

all love Edward.

EDWARD (V.O.)

With my prospects few, I took a job asa travelling salesman. It suited me.

If there’s one thing you can say aboutEdward Bloom, it’s that I am a social

person.

EXT. COUNTY FAIR - DAY [STORY]

On a low platform, Edward pitches a brilliant new product tothe crowd.

84.

EDWARD:

I’ve travelled from Tennessee to

Timbuktu, and if there’s one thingpeople have in common, is we could alluse a hand around the house.

Edward sets down a contraption, which looks something like ametal lava lamp. Like a flower, it unfolds to reveal fivefingers and a thumb. This is the Hand Around the House.(TM)

EDWARD:

Why, with this product you can...

QUICK MONTAGE as he demonstrates:

EDWARD:

Open a jar. Open a letter. Scratch

yourself while wearing mittens. Hold a

book. Hold a baby. Hold the dog awayfrom kittens. It’s strong enough, youcan do a handstand with no hands at

all.

Indeed, a remarkably agile Edward is able to support hisentire weight on it. The crowd APPLAUDS.

EDWARD:

You can use it to point out importantinformation. Or dangers. Or beautiful

women.

The hand points a finger at an HEAVYSET MAN IN OVERALLS.

EDWARD:

We’re still working on that one.

The crowd LAUGHS.

EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD - DAY

Edward drives, his hand out in the wind.

EDWARD (V.O.)

Soon I added other products, and othercities, until my territory stretchedfrom the coast to western Texas.

EXT. TRAILER PARK - DAY

Edward kisses his pregnant wife goodbye, as much in love as

ever.

85.

EDWARD (V.O.)

I could be gone for weeks at a time.

But every other Friday, I’d put all themoney I’d made into an account setaside for a proper house with a whitepicket fence.

EXT. HORIZON SAVINGS & LOAN - DAY

Establishing this Texas institution, we come...

INT. HORIZON SAVINGS & LOAN - DAY

The bank is busy with the lunch-hour crowd. Taking his placein line, Edward fills out a deposit slip.

As the line snakes around through the ropes, the man in frontof him gets a look at Edward.

THE MAN:

Edward? Edward Bloom?

The man is none other than...

NORTHER WINSLOW:

It’s me. Norther Winslow.

EDWARD (V.O.)

I was astonished to see the greatestpoet of both Ashton and Spectre all theway out in Texas.

The men shake, disbelieving this lucky coincidence.

EDWARD (cont’d)

I don’t believe it!

NORTHER WINSLOW:

I want you to know, when you leftSpectre it opened my eyes. There was a

whole life out there that I was not

living. So I travelled. I saw France,

and Africa, half of South America.

Every day a new adventure, that’s mymotto.

EDWARD:

That’s great, Norther. I’m happy for

you. I can’t believe I helped.

He’s genuinely proud.

EDWARD (cont’d)

So what are you up to now?

86.

NORTHER WINSLOW:

I’m robbing this place.

Reaching the front of the line, Norther pulls two pistols outof his coat, FIRING both into the ceiling.

SCREAMS all around. The skinny SECURITY GUARD makes a halfhearted

reach for his gun, but Norther waves him off. The

guard takes out his gun and slides it over.

NORTHER WINSLOW (cont’d)

(to Edward)

Would you mind grabbing that?

There’s nothing threatening about his delivery -- he might aswell be asking for a Budweiser. Still, Edward senses itwould be best to do as he says. He takes the guard’s gun.

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