Big Jim McLain Page #5

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It tells me that though you might do

a stupid or thoughtless thing,

you could never be mean enough

to snitch about as important a thing

as my secret weapon,

if you first crossed your heart

and took a Boy Scout's oath not to.

How will it affect people?

To my best judgment,

my weapon, very likely,

may destroy the entire human race,

but, of course, one can't have everything,

can one, young lady?

Well, how does it work?

Well, in its first phase

it makes everybody look alike.

Don't misunderstand me, Mrs. Vallon.

I don't mean

that everybody will look alike.

I mean that all the men will look alike

and all the women will look alike.

And now that I have met you, Mrs. Vallon,

I think it would be most advisable

if the female half of the world's population

looked exactly as you do.

This will stop wars?

Well, my dear fellow,

how can you possibly fight with someone

if he looks exactly as you do?

Don't you think

there might be the possibility

that you'd be picking a fight with yourself?

You follow my logic?

Every interesting step of the way.

This is really excellent lemonade.

I must have the formula for this elixir.

I'll pay you if you wish. I can very easily.

My family's very well fixed,

ever since my grandfather developed

and patented air.

Oh, that's very clever of your grandfather.

Not at all.

He was simply sagacious enough to see

that all people must breathe.

Yes, Mrs. Vallon, I have definitely decided

that all the women

must surely look like you.

And so I hope you won't find it

an imposition if I borrow your face

as a model for the distaff side.

Not at all, Mr. Henried.

I'm very happy you feel this way.

Thank you, my dear.

And Mr. McLain,

I hope you won't mind

if I don't use your face

as the model for the male half

of the world's population.

You're the right size, but your face...

Well, it seems as if you've been struck

a blow on your nose

at one time or another

and you've a slight scar over your left eye,

and your face is just not suitable,

I'm afraid.

Yeah, that's too bad.

When are you going to turn this thing

loose, this secret weapon?

Oh, well, I've not yet decided that,

because, you see, there is one slight flaw

in my secret weapon.

If all men and women look exactly alike,

how could husbands and wives

recognize their rightful mates?

Yes?

I fear some enormous mistakes

would be made.

People going into wrong houses,

husbands quarreling

with the wrong wives.

In short, an appalling amount

of domestic discord.

Well, you see my problem, Mrs. Vallon?

Let us say, for instance,

that you were married to Mr. McLain here,

and I was married to your exact duplicate.

Well, the possibilities

are downright hideous.

You see my problem, Mrs. Vallon?

I certainly do.

So, you've met our Mr. Henried.

He's harmless. Let me talk to him.

It's for you.

Pardon me.

Mr. Henried, we have a very important

mission for you to perform.

Thank you, Chief.

Yes, I shall leave at once.

Well, those people will get into trouble.

The White House has another problem.

That means I must fly to Washington

at once in my new jet plane.

But on second thought,

I may just fly over without it.

At this point,

a certain investigator is entitled

to something stronger than lemonade.

And the investigator's girl.

A great deal of our information comes

from people we would never have found.

TheY seek us out, theY tell us something

for the good of their countrY.

Come in.

- Mr. Lexiter?

- Yes.

I'm Jim McLain. This is Mal Baxter.

House Un-American Activities Committee

investigators.

- Oh, yes.

- You wrote a letter to Washington?

Yes. Gentlemen, this is Mrs. Lexiter.

How do you do?

Sit down, please, gentlemen.

Mama, will you go in

and bring out that newspaper, please?

It's awfully hard on Mama.

It's hard on me, too. Believe that, please.

It seems so far back to think

when we were first married,

when we came away from Poland,

the hard country.

We came to New York.

Mama was carrying the little baby

in her arms then. In New York, we...

I'm sorry, gentlemen,

I'm just talking too much.

Well, take your time, Mr. Lexiter.

Gentlemen, I wrote you that letter

because my son is a Communist.

Our son, Papa.

We came out here to the West Coast.

In San Francisco, I worked on the docks.

That was hard.

But we were free and we lived.

In high school, our boy was bright.

A prize he got, up there on the stage

with everybody looking at him.

Mama cried.

The prize was a trip to Russia.

Other students went.

Then came his letters from Russia.

He wanted to stay there a while,

another year more.

He wanted to study.

When he came back, he was different.

Then I heard from the office

where he was working

that he'd been giving out information

on the sailing and docking of ships.

He was a Communist.

I didn't argue with him.

I showed him the door.

Mr. McLain, I was raised

in the land of the pogrom.

I know how useless it is to try

to reason with those heartless men.

Men that have turned their backs on God.

This was just before the war?

Yes, sir. 1940.

- You haven't seen him since?

- No.

After that I brought Mama over here,

where we could retire on my pension,

live free in the sun.

Since then, we haven't seen him

or heard from him.

Well, thank you very much...

But this... This, we have seen.

That's why I wrote you the letter.

- This is your son?

- Yes.

Now he calls himself White.

He's probably ashamed of his real name.

But that's all right, I'm ashamed of him.

- Well, can we keep this paper?

- Why, surely.

Well, thanks a lot.

I know how hard it was for you to...

Mr. McLain, Mama and I are just living

out here on our union pension,

free and in the sun, and we...

It was my duty.

We appreciate what you've done.

If I could only pick a fight with

this real tough Ed White on my own time...

That we can't do.

Chief Liu put a 24-hour tail on Ed White.

So then we tailed this mug to the Royal.

He went in one door, came out the other,

changed cabs three times.

We stayed with him

till he finally went to this warehouse.

Since then we've taken pictures

of everybody that went in or out.

That's about it, Chief.

Good job, Gallagher.

Ed White led us to seven out of ten

of the secret cell.

We went to work on the missing three.

Hello?

Yes. Just a moment.

For you!

Female!

Oh?

As long as I'm spying, I'm going to listen.

Or maybe I'm just jealous.

Hello? Who?

Remember me?

Oh, I never forget a beautiful blonde.

Bag, I'll bet.

A certain gentleman

with which I had a date

was called away

on very important business.

So, I thought you'd jump at the chance

to take me to the Royal for dinner.

Well, thank you very much,

but I can't make it.

I have a date with a maiden aunt.

I wouldn't want to hurt

the old girl's feelings.

Don't hurt my feelings, 76.

I've got something for you about Nomaka.

Well, I'll send a man over

right away to pick it up.

Nope, you gotta bribe me.

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