Big Stone Gap Page #3

(GRUNTS)

Oh, for crying out loud!

I am so sorry, honey.

Just go make sure that Sweet

Sue has her underpants on.

Now, you listen to me!

These temper tantrums may have gotten you

results at the Bucks County Playhouse,

but around here we do

peaceable on opening night.

We do peaceable

on opening night

because you cannot train

amateurs to be professionals.

And let me tell

you something.

At the Bucks County Playhouse,

we had a prop master.

I had a prop master.

And then they added a night shift to

the Quik Mart and he had to resign.

Naturally.

I am doing

the best I can.

You could put

a broom up my ass

and I would sweep the

floor at the same time.

Now, we will use

two squibs.

If one doesn't go off,

then the other one will.

Okay. Sounds reasonable.

ExceHenL

Michelangelo said,

"Genius is eternal patience."

Another know-it-all

Italian.

STAGE DIRECTOR:

Five minutes to curtain!

Final touches and places,

everybody.

Places, all right,

let's go. Final touches!

Wait. Someone's locked me

out of my dressing room!

Okay. Places, everyone!

Good job.

Music.

Mr. MacChesney

just winked at you.

No, he didn't. He's got

something in his eye.

Yes, he did.

lsaw him.

Well, look.

I believe I need a seat.

I believe you're drunk, sir.

That's my

Jade East cologne.

Do you like it?

(SNIFFS)

(SIGHS)

Even if I did,

we're sold out.

I didn't catch your name.

Lyle Makin.

How did you hear about

our outdoor extravaganza?

Well, I came to

see Jack Mac.

We grew up together.

Well, now I live up in

Crackers Neck Holler.

Well, I should visit

Crackers Neck often.

And Holler.

On... (CHUCKLES)

And on the third day

I shall rise

from the ashes of regret

like a phoenix!

(GUN MISFIRES)

Oh, no!

Howard, shoot him again!

Shoofl

Shoot him again!

Like a phoenix!

Have a heart attack!

Have a heart attack!

Get struck by

lightning!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Good job.

Everybody dance!

Ow! Watch it, Sue!

(APPLAUSE)

(GUNSHOT)

You're too late!

NA LOU:
The opening night party

is for cast and crew only.

Everyone else is welcome to use their

two-for-one coupons at Carmine's.

Leave in an

orderly fashion.

(LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, my God.

You are a wildcat.

You know it.

Come to Ding Daddy!

Happy to!

Oh!

Ladies,

meet Lyle Makin.

Hello, Lyle.

He got the last seat

in the theater.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Then where was

you setting?

On his lap.

Mmm-hmm.

LYLE:
Where can I get

something to drink?

That way.

Ladies.

Iva Lou, I'll see you

at the keg.

There's something

to this one.

I think he wants more than

a rendezvous at the High Knob

with a fifth of Night Train

and a sack of Cab's donuts.

And you got all that

from setting on his lap?

No, ma'am.

Chinese face reading.

He's got the chin

of an emperor.

(SNICKERS)

Iva Lou?

Hmm?

You don't need a book to

learn what to do with a man.

Now, me and

Krifflum,

we are still having

intimate relations.

Even though I'm in

the middle of the change.

And I'll tell you

something else.

This is an old toaster.

But when he plugs it in...

(GRUNTS)

NELLIE:
What a magnificent

opening night!

Give yourselves a hand!

(ALL CHEERING)

I have wonderful news.

In a few short weeks,

Mr. John Warner,

candidate for senator

of Virginia,

will be making

a campaign stop

in Big Stone Gap,

with his movie star wife,

Elizabeth Taylor!

(ALL GASP AND APPLAUD)

My God!

We have to feed 'em and entertain 'em.

And if you'd like to help

there are sign-up sheets for

committees in the Tolliver House.

Theodore Tipton, you're

in charge of the show!

Now I'm gonna turn the stage

over to Sweet Sue Tinsley,

the president-elect

of The Foxes,

our volunteer ushers.

(WHISTLING)

Probably gonna do

a cartwheel.

Thank you, Nellie.

Ava? Ava Marie?

As president

of The Foxes,

we would like to thank you for

being such a good director.

Well, thank you.

Nobody hands out programs

like The Foxes do.

MAN:
Hey, Ave. It ain't

good to drink alone!

MAN 2:
Who you gonna

share that bottle with?

MAN 3:
Ave Maria needs a man.

Hey, hey! Excuse me!

She has her own man.

(ALL CHEERING)

(CHUCKLES)

What just happened?

You just kissed me.

No, you kissed me.

Let's eat.

Something to eat?

Uh, no.

I'm not hungry.

I've got band practice.

And, um...

And with Elizabeth Taylor

coming to town,

I'm gonna have to put on

a doozy of a show, so...

(CHUCKLES)

I'll call you later?

Yeah.

Okay-

AVE MARIA:
That oak leaf is

a particularly good one.

There.

You do realize that every

time you smash it like that,

you rub all the

glitter off, don1you?

And why would you order

something that looks like...

I could've picked these up

off the ground.

I like the idea of adding

these going vertical like,

'cause I think for the close

passerby, they're very interesting.

This is more of

a sophisticated look.

Whatever you want.

I'm just gonna say,

"I'm so sorry I didn't know

I was doing such a bad job."

I've been doing

this windows for,

I don't know,

since you was little.

Hey, Fleeta...

(EXPLOSION)

That's the Wence Mine.

(SIREN WAILING)

SPEC:
Carmine, over here!

MAN:
Hey, get in there!

We need to

get him oxygen!

It's okay, pal.

We're right here.

There you go.

That's a good one.

SPEC:
Everyone's

accounted for. Lucky day.

Could've been

a lot worse.

Spec, show me that.

Don't wait on me, honey. Leola's

here checking on her cousin.

Okay.

I'll catch a ride with her.

Jack?

You worried about

little old me?

You thought I bought

the farm, didn't you?

All right.

I like this.

Can I give you a lift?

Uh...

(SCOFFS)

Don't be proud.

It's just a 1973 un-American

3-speed transmission.

Oh. Thank you, ma'am.

Mind if we stop

at Mutual's first?

I need a box of Clairo I so I can

rinse these ma'am's out of my hair.

Well, I don't see

any grays.

You haven't changed

a bit since high school.

Is that a good thing?

I think so.

Take it from one

who's changed.

You haven't changed at all.

Shoot

Girls still after you.

Good at sports.

Kind to your mother.

Gary Cooper of

Big Stone Gap.

Hey, you had your

share of suitors.

Wayne Rutledge had

a crush on you for years.

Wayne Junior's not one

to be real proud of.

He's doing 7 to 10 for robbing his

podiatrist 'cause his feet hurt.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Yeah, Wayne.

I heard he's still

got all his hair.

After 30 you've got to

put that in the plus column.

SWEET SUE:
There you are!

Jack!

Hey,hey!

SWEET SUE:
Honey.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

Lo rdy.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

She's such a fawner.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Son, I heard everything

on the police radio.

You done good.

You saved a man.

Your daddy would be

so proud of you.

You're a hero!

No, no.

Hi, Ava.

Sue!

It's Ave, okay? Ave.

Not Ava, like Ava Gardner.

But Ave Maria,

like the prayer.

You know, we went through

school for 12 years together

and you never once

got my name right.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Well, law me. Sorry.

Let's go.

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