Big Sur Page #5

There you go.

Bye.

I feel myself skidding.

At night, Billie comes home,

and we pitch into love again

like monsters who

don't know what else to do.

And by now, I'm too blurry to

know what's going on anyway,

though she reassures me

everything is all right.

We're already

going to get married

and fly away

to Mexico in a week.

In fact, I can see it now,

a great big

four-way marriage

with Neal and Caroline.

I feel myself skidding

also because,

during the following week,

I keep sitting in the same

chair by the goldfish bowl,

drinking bottle

after bottle of port

like an automaton

worrying about something.

Ferlinghetti comes to visit,

McClure, almost everybody.

So Neal's secret

is public, huh?

They call to

me dashing up the stairs,

and we have

long, drunken days talking,

but I never seem

to get out of that chair

and never even take another

delightful warm bath reading books.

You should only drink

white wine, Jack.

That'll kill you.

Hello.

Are you gonna come back

and get me here?

I'm feeling like

I'm hiding the weapon.

In a few days.

Just stay there.

Have you heard about that?

There's this strange group of,

uh, beatniks or whatever.

A- And they wear the most... the

most dandy clothes,

you know,

or they'll turn around

a- and have

these fancy pants,

unpressed, of course,

with torn sneakers.

Jack, you know what Lenora

and I did the other day?

We went and saw

the "The Wizard of Oz. "

Lenora after the movie

thought it would be fun

if we maybe had sex

with a midget

or something or a

munchkin or... you know.

I don't know, though. I've never had

sex with a midget or a munchkin.

You know what's freaking

me out are those fish.

I don't understand

that their world is...

their world is so small.

It's just right in there,

and then they can't

really go anywhere,

and their world is just

encompassed in this little space.

Do you ever think about that?

I think about that a lot.

I think that their world is so

small and our world is so big.

But our world

is getting smaller, too,

because now Hawaii is a

state, and Alaska is a state.

We went from 48 to 50...

I realize it's just

a little family home scene,

and I'm just a nut

in the wrong place.

Meanwhile, Neal has

completely disappeared.

This chair that you've

been sitting in for days,

have you noticed the bottom

is falling out of it?

Jack, you need some sleep.

How long have you been

sitting in that chair?

I've been, um, sitting here,

waiting for Billie

to come home.

Well, my God, let's go

outside, and sit by the water.

Only if we get another bottle.

Hmm. I have one

right here.

So Philip and me, we made our

city hike over to the bay,

where there is sound that

harkens slightly up to Sur

that I had abandoned

in betrayal.

Ah, Philip, I'm sorry

I ruined our day

by sleeping like this.

You needed to sleep.

I told you.

How long was I sleeping?

Ages.

I'm sorry.

Why should you be sorry?

I love you anyway.

Was I snoring?

You were snoring all day,

and I've been

sitting here all day.

What a beautiful day.

Yeah.

It's been a beautiful day.

How strange.

I smoked a whole package

of Edgewood.

It's been a very strange day.

Are you sad

I didn't talk to you?

Not at all.

In fact, I'm glad.

Watching life.

Maybe we don't know

all that we think we know.

Where's she going?

Does she has some

secret sailor lover?

She only gonna finish her typing

after hours in the office?

What if we knew, Philip,

what every one of these people

going by is headed for?

Some door, some restaurant,

some secret romance?

You sound like you

stored up a lot of energy

and interest in life

out there in the woods.

What did you do all day?

I was with Philip Whalen

and slept by the water.

Here are your vegetables, honey.

Billie, what are we gonna do?

We'll get married and fly

to Mexico with Elliott.

Billie, I don't want

to get married, I'm afraid.

I want to go home

and die with my cat.

Jack...

what have I done wrong?

I'll tell you what

you've done wrong.

You withhold your love...

from a woman like me.

And previous women...

and future women like me.

Jack...

can you imagine all the fun

we'd have being married?

Going out to hear jazz?

Or even taking planes

to Paris suddenly

and all the things I have to

teach you and you teach me?

I'm a creepy, strange guy

you don't even know.

Yeah.

Creepy, strange guy...

that I love.

I love.

We could go live in an old

log cabin in the hills,

never say anything for years.

Let's leave the city

and take Elliott with us

and go to Ferlinghetti's cabin

in the woods for a week,

for two weeks,

forget everything.

Jack, I love you.

I'll call Lew Welch,

and he'll drive us

to Big Sur cabin.

We'll be alone

in the woods at least.

I'm telling you

that's what I want to do.

Hello, Lew?

There you are.

Know what I'm

calling you about?

Listen, pal,

take that big brunette Lenora,

that Romanian madwoman,

and pack her in Willie

and come down to Billie's

here and pick us up.

We'll pack

while you's en route.

Honey's on, and we'll all go spend two

weeks of bliss in Ferlinghetti's cabin.

What's the purpose of all this?

Just to see you, and we can

talk about purposes anywhere.

Oh, Lew, I... I wanted

to stop by, uh, Neal's.

It always starts out

good like that, the bad moments.

Nothing is gained or lost

also by the fact

that I insist we stop

at Neal Cassady's en route

so I can pick up

some clothes I left there,

but secretly I want Caroline

to finally come

face-to-face with Billie.

He always wants

to drive my car.

It's my Willie.

I'll settle

things with you.

Billie's out in the Jeep.

Of course it was you who was

destined to bring her here.

What's Neal so worried about?

Oh, you're just spoiling all his

chance to be real secretive.

He hasn't come and seen us

for a whole week.

That's in a way what happened.

Just left me stranded there.

Well, why don't you

bring her in?

Honey, you should

probably get her a drink.

What can I get you to drink?

Eh, the usual.

That's fine.

I just love the color

of these walls, Caroline.

What do you call that color?

Yellow.

Caroline, did you

know that Billie

has a lovely little boy

called Elliott?

No.

Asks a whole bunch

of questions,

really charming.

Neal never mentioned that.

Well, what

a great idea this was.

Let's toast, um...

Let's toast Neal.

Across the meadow and back

to the haunted cabin.

I begin to feel extremely low

as soon as last night's

alcohol wears off.

I can't chop wood

for fear I'll cut a foot off.

I can't sleep. I can't sit.

I can't pace.

I keep going to the creek

to drink water

till finally I'm going

down there a thousand times,

making Lew Welch wonder, as

he's come back with more wine.

I'm hungry.

Lew is hungry.

Are you starving?

I'm through starving.

What shall we eat?

Tell you what, I got an idea.

What?

I am now gonna

go out surf casting

for a grab bag of fish

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