Big Trouble Page #3

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- It ain't that good.

- I've heard. I've heard.

Len?

- I'm gonna have a heart attack.

- You have any idea when that might be?

Now. I'm having one right now.

I don't like people to see me like this.

When I'm in pain, my face contorts.

And when I'm in pain,

it's embarrassing.

- Would you do something for me?

- Yes.

Would you stand between me and

Blanche or anybody else?

- Sure.

- So they can't see me.

- Would you do that?

- Yeah.

- Would you take off my hat?

- Yes.

God. Oh, my God.

- Steve.

- Don't get near. Don't get near.

What did you say to him, Leonard?

What did you do? Steve, darling.

Steve, are you all right?

Steve. What'd you do?

- I didn't do anything. He wants help.

- What did you say?

Steve! Talk to me. Talk to me.

I'm here, I'm here.

I'm here, darling. I'm here.

Steve.

Steve.

I'm feeling better.

- I'm feeling much better.

- Darling.

- I'm much better.

- Yes?

- I'm gonna get some fresh air.

- Of course you are, darling.

I'm feeling better. I'm fine.

Leonard, would you take care

of these things here?

- I wanna get some fresh air.

- Of course.

Mr. Hoffman, thank you very much

for everything.

- I'd like to give...

- Honey. I don't have a lot of time.

We'll see you tomorrow?

Everything's fine. He said

he'd see us tomorrow.

Troops, people would like to get

some sleep here. Hey.

Third one. Go. Out.

Well, hello again. Come on in.

- Leonard!

- There he is.

- How wonderful.

- Leonard.

Leonard. I thought of you so often.

It's so good to see you.

What a pleasure.

Come on in. My goodness.

That face. I love that face.

Thank you. I have papers here

in case you'd like to look at them.

- Very important.

- Very important.

Business.

- I think we should go in the solarium.

- Right. The solarium.

- There's more light.

- Yeah.

The papers...

Papers.

Okay.

My wife tells me

you're a wonderful conversationalist.

That you're virtually

on the genius level.

- I don't know about that.

- My goodness.

- I'd love to talk philosophy with you.

- I'd like that. I'd like that very much.

- What kind of philosophy do you like?

- I like simple philosophy.

I'd love to be able to work

with Leonard together.

- Wouldn't that be wonderful?

- Wonderful.

Make a lot of money, Leonard. But

the only problem is that we do have...

Well, we lose a lot of people

on the boat because of the malaria.

So sometimes the boats come in

and they're full of dead people.

And then, of course, you got

real trouble with the customs.

And it doesn't make any difference

how good a bullshitter you are.

I'll stick to insurance.

Okay. Here's the copies of the policy.

You do have two copies, don't you,

Mr. Hoffman?

- Two copies, yes.

- Two? Why two?

One is just an office copy.

Well, why do I have to sign

an office copy?

Procedure.

Maybe I ought to see what I'm signing.

I might be signing my life away.

Yes, we encourage people to look

at what they're signing.

It's just a little joke, Leonard.

Okay, here's the pen here.

And here's the first copy.

Boy, you ought to do something

about that tremor.

Yes, it's too much coffee

in the morning.

- Have you ever tried Brim?

- No.

It's the same as coffee,

only without the caffeine.

I've heard that. I've heard that.

All right, here we are. Steve Rickey.

- All right?

- Okay. And here.

Steve R-l-C-K-E-Y.

Well, that's done.

Well, I guess the old homestead's

safe for another year.

- I think that calls for a drink.

- I don't drink.

No, no, no, no, no. I've got

something that you must taste.

This is a sardine liqueur.

It's from Norway.

- Have you had this, Leonard?

- No.

Fabulous. Almost impossible

to find. Honey?

- No, thank you, dear.

- No. Well, she doesn't touch the stuff.

You know, it's really a man's drink.

- Say when, Len.

- When.

You know, in Norway,

the new sardine liqueur is released...

...on November 1 each year.

There are lines around the block.

Leonard, to us, to the future,

to the house.

God.

It's my mistake.

I have something else here.

I know you'll like this. This is a brandy.

It's Mexican, but it's smooth.

I know you'll like this.

I'm sorry. That was my mistake.

I'll try this myself.

I'm not supposed to drink this.

- I'll just try this. Try it out.

- Excuse me.

No, thank you very much.

I have an 11:
30 I ought to get to.

- That's delicious. Blanche.

- I'll see you guys.

- Blanche, try this.

- Excuse me.

Blanche, try this. You know, you must.

I beg you.

I really have had plenty.

Thank you.

I'm gonna have some more.

I'll pour some in a glass for you,

Leonard.

- This was fine. This was plenty.

- I'll just pour. Here.

Sustaining substantial damage to

bumpers, headlights and wheel covers.

Congratulations!

- On what?

- On what?

I heard you sold some dodo our

deluxe accident policy on Tuesday.

That's the world's worst policy.

You must have some line of bullshit.

Pays double for falling

off a choo-choo.

Doesn't pay for plane accidents.

You must've sold it to a half-wit.

A Mrs. Rex All...

...on the line.

- Who?

- Rex All? Rexall, the drugstore?

- That's what she said her name was.

- No, no. That's a lie.

- Nobody has a name like that.

- She said she knew you.

- Not Mr. Hoffman.

- Well, he's a man, ain't he?

Go on. Hurry up.

Hello?

Yes, this is he.

He broke his foot, Leonard.

He's going to the Army reunion

tomorrow night on the 701.

He suggested you drive him.

Well, he was so impressed by you.

He constantly refers to you.

And he hates the way I drive.

I guess it's perfect. I'll sit in the

back and then at the right moment...

...l'll put him out of his misery.

A tan suit? I don't...

Yes, yes, I'll have those papers

for you tomorrow. Goodbye.

Dr. Lopez, please.

My name is Insurance. Mr. Insurance.

Hold on, please.

Doctor? Telfono. Doctor?

- Yes?

- Yeah, hi, Dr. Lopez.

I'm with Safe and Sound Casualty.

We have a Mr. Steve Rickey applying...

...for life insurance,

and we need information.

Yes, sir, I would like to recommend

but it is impossible.

Seor Rickey has very bad condition.

Around the heart,

the arteries have a hard-on.

Well, that's very bad for him

but good to know.

Doctor, thank you very much

for your honesty.

Hello, Leonard.

Hi. Everything all right?

Don't worry about me, darling.

Leonard's here to help.

- Please let me help you, darling.

- You're so sweet. I'm fine. Leonard's here.

- What happened?

- What?

Your foot?

I tripped putting on my pants.

And you're wearing the same suit as I am.

Can you put this in the trunk?

Can I help you with this here?

- Why don't you get in back?

- Thank you.

I don't even know why

I'm going on this foot.

- Len, if you were coming, I'd have fun.

- You'll have a wonderful time.

Leonard, don't talk like that. I'm sorry

I said that. The foot's killing me.

- He's been a terror all day.

- You all set there? You all organised?

- What the hell was that?

- What?

- Did you make a noise?

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