Big White

Marcy. Call Mr. Barnell.

Tell him I picked up his wife again.

I'm bringing her in.

Need a hand?

Oh, yeah. You mind giving her a push?

Yeah.

Oh, great. Thanks.

- On three, then.

- Okay.

One, two, three.

Oh, that's great. Thanks.

I tell you, she may be fast,

but she sure ain't light.

Yeah.

You the new guy who just moved

into the Stevens' old house?

No. Name's Ted.

What is that, a Polaris?

Oh, yeah!

What do those things go for?

A lot more than I could normally

afford, I tell you.

What's that?

It's a video camera.

- Hey, is that thing heavy?

- Yeah.

And you got it in there by yourself?

How's that on your back?

Oh, no.

Oh, please! Turn the camera off!

Ted! Oh, that's not nice!

That was really cool.

It was like watching "Cops".

Yeah? Well, he was pretty spry

for a man with a herniated disk.

You know, I don't want

to b*tch or anything,

but you were supposed to take

me along on that one.

Couldn't find you.

I know you know this but the sooner

they think I can handle things on my own,

the sooner theyll kick

you back down south.

Yeah, well, I've been hearing that for

thirteen months and six days, Cam.

After a while, it gets a little old.

Claims. Watters.

Yeah. Okay.

That's quite the fish.

That one didn't get away.

Yeah, well... it's a nice catch.

This grasshopper walks in a bar.

And the bartender says,

"We have a drink named after you. "

And the grasshopper says...

Paul Barnell.

Ted Watters.

Mr. Watters.

Pleasure.

Mine, too.

Ted, Mr. Barnell would like to discuss

his brother's life insurance policy with us.

- Raymond, right?

- Yes.

Thing is, as I explained to Mr. Branch,

he's been gone for five years

and I thought, time to move on.

By move on, you mean?

I mean...

I think that cashing Raymond's policy.

I doubt, after that time,

that he's still alive.

And my father always wanted us

to take care of each other

if something should happen, and...

money is a little...

Yeah, I understand, Mr. Barnell.

But here's the thing.

With no actual body,

under Alaskan statutes,

a person has to be missing

for seven years

before he or she can be legally

declared dead.

And that's not withstanding

an investigation period

where concerned parties can take up

to another year

to file interventions

concerning the motion.

So, even though your brother's status

is undetermined at this point,

there's really very little we can do for you.

But we are extremely sorry for your loss.

Absolutely.

One, two, three...

All right. We'll get him later.

Yes, this is Mr. Barnell.

Mr. Barnell, this is John Hoag again

from Municipal Power's Delinquent

Accounts Department.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, Mr. Barnell,

I've tried every other option and,

frankly, this is unavoidable.

Great.

Excuse me?

No, I'm not...

Hello?

Hello?

Yeah. I paid that bill a week ago.

You did?

I saw my secretary write it up.

Do you have any idea

where that payment might be?

I have no clue.

I'm a patient man, Mr. Barnell

but your credit rating is blocked off.

I have a very good credit rating.

No, you don't.

How do you know that?

I've got your TRW file in front of me, sir.

Mr. Barnell?

Mr. Barnell? Hello?

Mr. Barnell?

Hey, kids, who's up for trout?

No.

Jodie, no! Not for dogs!

Honey, I'm home!

Any mail?

Psychic Pals.

How are you today, Mr. Williams?

Well, we are all registered psychics here.

Hi, Tiff.

I just had this feeling you needed to talk.

So what's up?

Your TV remote control?

Well, I need you to clear your

mind for a few moments.

It's stew. I don't think it's still good.

Hey, aren't you with a customer?

They're concentrating.

How is he the tea leaf business today?

I've decided, from now on, to ignore you

and your ignorance about my work.

And it's going very well, thank you.

Mr. Williams? I'm seeing sofa cushions.

Do you have a sofa?

Good! Glad I could help.

Okay, before you say anything else

that may keep us

from having sex ever again

let me ask you something.

No, I always get these wrong.

That's why we keep trying.

I don't want to do this.

Love Is Sacrifice quiz.

If you were in a life raft with me,

and there was only enough water for one...

No, I'm not going to do it.

It's just a stupid quiz.

Exactly.

What is that?

I was just kidding.

Psychic Pals.

Is this the first time

you've called us, Mrs...

Stupid quizzes can be illustrative of

potential relationship problems.

Margaret, I'm getting the feeling this is

an anxious day for you.

Hey, you know our only relationship

problem is that you're running a dollar,

ninety-nine a minute carny scam

out of my living room.

Don't call it a scam.

Wait you didn't just call this

"your" living room, did you?

Ours.

Margaret, I feel someone you really care

about, maybe even the love of your life

is being a real pain.

Now, I need you to really concentrate

and I'll be right back.

I thought stuff didn't smell

when it was frozen.

I don't know why we have to...

'Cause Dave wants visual confirmation.

So Dave gets visual confirmation.

We have a chance to move up here, Gary,

so let's just do what we're told.

What's he gonna do, have him stuffed?

Like the guy's not gonna end up

in a landfill anyway.

You ever ask Dave what he did?

Who knows.

But Dave said if he did it one more time,

he was gonna break his neck.

So how did it feel?

I mean, not when you did it, but like now.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay.

Jimbo! He's not here.

Gary, enough with the little jokes, okay?

I'm serious. He's gone.

Don't even joke about it.

Maybe he wasn't...

dead.

Hey, Jimbo!

There's a little fridge down here.

Morning, Mr. Barnell.

Morning, Avis.

Coffee?

If you insist.

She looks good.

"Waikiki Airlines, your ticket to paradise. "

Was last November this bad?

If we didn't have the weather,

what would we talk about?

Yeah.

Messages?

Just that fellow from Municipal Power

and Electric.

I told him you sent the check in weeks ago,

but some people don't like to listen.

Sorry, what did you say?

Avis, something really spooky

happened last night.

You remember my brother Raymond?

The one who went missing?

Well, last night there

was a knock at the door

and behold, there was Raymond

on my doorstep.

Didn't you have him declared.

Dead? Well, no... yes. Well,

he wasn't gone long enough really for that.

Good thing. In hindsight.

So... where was he all these years?

Lower forty-eight. Didn't like the cold.

Well, that's great. You and Mrs. Barnell

will have some company for a bit, I guess.

How is she?

Better.

A little better, you know.

Collecting, Mrs. Barnell.

Daniel, you p*ssy little cocksucker.

I'll get my purse.

It's twelve dollars.

I missed you last time.

Jerk off. Jerk off.

Jerk off. Jerk off, jerk off, jerk off.

Tell your slut mom I said hi.

Sure will. Thanks.

Some days are better than others.

Better.

Paul, why is the fridge

in the garage chained shut?

Possum.

Hot p*ssy?

Paul, dinner's almost ready.

Oh, I feel like some wine.

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