Bigger Fatter Liar

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1

Kevin? Kevin!

I'm up! I'm up.

You're gonna be late for school.

I'm already dressed, Dad.

Uh-huh.

I'm practically out of the door.

Why don't I believe you?

Are you calling me a liar?

Well, let's just say that you and the

truth aren't always on speaking terms.

Well, that hurts.

To think that my father doesn't

even believe his first-born child.

It's not a question

of belief, Kevin,

it's a question of experience,

and in my experience...

Who are you going to believe?

Your experience?

Or your son?

Huh.

Well, I stand corrected.

Honestly, Dad...

I wish you'd learn

to trust me once in a while.

Okay, I apologize.

And Dad, I need some cash

for the class trip.

I thought I gave you money

for a class trip last week.

It's for another class trip.

They must be running a travel

agency out of your school.

Here.

Finish your homework?

Of course I finished

my homework.

It's right in here.

I'll see you tonight, then.

See you tonight, Dad.

Okay. All right.

Homework.

I will be collecting your social

studies assignment this morning.

You're late, Kevin.

Sorry. Sorry.

It's not my fault.

I was helping Principal Taggert

with a school safety issue.

And what safety issue

would that be?

I'm afraid I can't tell you, Miss Walker.

Top-level security.

Sworn to secrecy.

Take a seat, Kevin.

As you know, this assignment is

worth 30% of your final grade,

so I hope you all took it

very seriously.

Top-level security?

It's the best I could come

up with on short notice.

One of these days, you're

gonna get caught, you know.

Yeah?

Well, not today.

Thank you.

Kevin. Award'?

Is there a problem, Miss Walker?

I'm not sure.

You wrote this paper

all by yourself?

Stayed up all night,

but it was worth it.

I really think I learned

something important.

Uh-huh.

You know what?

I think I better

call your father

to confirm that you actually did

write this paper on your own.

Oh, I wouldn't do

that, Miss Walker.

My dad's very busy, you know.

You really shouldn't bother him.

Mmm. It won't

take a minute.

And I'm sure your father's interested

in your education, of course.

Of course.

Happy Friday, kids.

We are pleased to inform you that we

won't be serving plain, hot mush today.

It will be hot mush with

applesauce and cinnamon.

Bon apptit.

Thanks. Keep the change.

What if Miss Walker

wasn't kidding?

What if she really does

call your dad?

Becca, I'm hurt.

You, of all people, don't

believe I wrote that paper?

How long have we been friends?

Since third grade.

And what's our agreement?

We never lie to each other.

Right.

I know you didn't

write that paper.

Then you also know

I've got a plan.

You know we're stalling,

but they don't know that.

Don't worry about it.

It's just a little white lie.

Well, just tell

them we need some more time

to review the documents.

Hang on a sec. Another call.

Never mind.

It's a wrong number.

Wonder who this is.

Hello? This is Tom Shepard.

Hello, Mr. Shepard.

This is Karen Walker, Kevin's

social studies teacher.

Ah, yes.

Hello, Karen. Kevin has

told me a lot about you.

He has?

He says you're one of the

best teachers at the school.

Oh! Well,

I don't know about...

I am calling

to confirm something.

Did Kevin stay up all night working

on his social studies assignment?

No. No, he did not.

Ah.

He retired around 3:00 a.m.

He's been working quite hard

on this paper for weeks.

I'd be very surprised if it

didn't earn him at least an A.

Well, I will certainly, um...

By the way, are you calling

all the parents today?

Uh. No, but...

ls there some reason you're

suspicious of my son in particular?

Well, no, it's just...

For crying out loud,

cut the kid some slack.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Walker,

I've got work to do. Bye-bye.

Goodbye...

Why did I ever doubt you?

The doctor said

it's a very rare condition...

And any kind of extreme physical

exertion could result in...

Excuse me!

Sorry to interrupt.

Kevin, I need to see you

in my classroom.

No. Um, actually, I'm in a meeting.

Can it wait?

It can't.

Plagiarism?

They have this wonderful

new program called iCompare

that correlates instances of selected texts

against known sources on the Internet.

It could've been a coincidence.

Forty-seven times?

I'm afraid the odds are

not in your favor, Kevin.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I just ran out of time.

I didn't know what else to do.

Usually, I would have to

report this to the principal,

but I think, in this case,

one-week suspension.

I can do better than that.

One month.

No Internet, no allowance, no

phone, no video games and no car.

And, of course, I will need you to redo

your assignment in your own words,

and in your own

handwriting this time.

No Internet?

Tomorrow's the last day

of the semester.

I want your new assignment on my desk

no later than 9:
00 tomorrow morning.

Or?

Summer school?

Seriously?

Seriously.

Unless I come up with

a completely new project,

I'm gonna be spending the entire

summer stuck in some classroom

with Miss Walker and a

bunch of mouth-breathers.

Okay, well, let's think. Uh...

Just pick a topic.

New technologies.

Trends in new technologies.

How am I supposed to write

about new technologies

if I can't even use

my current technology?

They say you should write

about what you know.

Great. So what do I know?

Well, you know how to lie.

Thanks.

Just trying to help.

This isn't a game, Becca.

This is serious business.

A game.

I gotta go!

See you tomorrow.

But...

I'm done!

No!

What?

Great. Just great.

Yeah, I'm coming home.

Nah, it was

a total waste of time.

No-talent hacks at that stupid game

expo couldn't come up with Ms. Pac-Man

if you gave' em

three ghosts on a plate.

Yeah, I'm on my way

to the airport now.

If the guy could

find the gas pedal!

I'll call you later.

So you're in the, uh,

video game business?

Oh, let me guess.

You got a great idea for a game?

Yeah, actually, I do.

It's called...

Nice guy-

Kevin Shepard, you're a genius.

Oh!

Oh, no. Oh! Wow.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh, kid.

I didn't even see you.

You okay?

I think you broke my tibia.

Your tibia's in your leg.

Phantom pains!

Phantom pains!

All right, kid.

Looks like you lived.

We gotta get to the airport!

Well, what about my bike?

Tough break.

Hope you have insurance.

How am I supposed

to get to school?

Isn't there a bus

for you people?

I need to get to school now!

Look, give me a ride and I'll forget all

about this clearly illegal hit-and-run.

Uh, we didn't run.

We stopped.

Forget it, kid!

Thanks to Miss Daisy here, I'm

already late for my flight.

Ow! My arm!

My leg!

We'd better get a police report.

Someone call 911.

All right!

He's kidding.

Shut up. Get in the car.

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Hi. I'm Kevin Shepard.

Where's your school?

Fourth and Maple.

Give it some gas!

We haven't got all day.

Yes, Mr. Wolf.

So, what brings you to Columbus?

I came here for

the video game expo.

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