Biology 101 Page #2

I'll let you slide this once,

but you're really gonna have

to prove yourself on the final.

[door closes]

I need you to find out

who bought this.

So you want me to dig through

a shitload of backlogged files?

F***...

Fine.

[loud muffler rumbling]

Mr. Pollard!

I did some math, and if I get

a 70 or better on my final...

Are you really content

just to glide by in life?

- I'm...

- I've been too easy on you.

You know, real life isn't like this.

Real life sucks.

I'm sorry, what did I do?

What is the big deal?

I don't have time for tutoring,

okay?

I said forget it.

What is your problem with me?

I said f***ing forget it!

[cell phone ringing]

What?

Yeah?

[techno music ]

[door clatters open]

[squeals]

[crying]

[screaming, crying]

[phone rings]

Hello?

- [Hannah] Dad?

- Yes, Hannah.

- I need you to come get me.

- Where are you?

I'm walking to the corner

of Elder and Sasdy.

What are you doing there?

Can you just come get me,

please?

All right.

Give men ten minutes.

You're not going to ask

where I was?

Where were you?

You don't care.

Of course I do.

Why? Did something happen?

It's just that, you think

you know someone, you know?

And then one day it's like they're

a completely different person!

And it's not like I care

what they're doing,

but it's like you don't even know who

your own f***ing best friend is anymore.

You shouldn't swear, Hannah.

I should've just gotten

someone else to drive me home.

Drunk.

What's this?

It's, uh, nothing.

[phone rings]

Yes, Mr. Duke.

Take a seat, Bill.

- Bill.

- It was all a mistake.

I- We're all mean here, right?

These things happen.

I've never done anything

like this before in my life.

I never thought I could!

It's just...

Please!

You can't tell my wife.

I'm... confused.

[knock on the door]

Marty, this really isn't any...

You really didn't have to

bring him into this.

The hell he didn't!

I wanna hear the news.

Right.

I spoke with district

this morning.

They went over the budget,

and apparently

there's enough money

to get those damn microscopes you

two are always going on about.

The Schweitzhours?

The Schweitzhours.

[typing]

Where the f*** have you been?

Just leave me here

to entertain the perverts.

[typing]

Who's that f***er?

Our new favorite pervert.

[knock on the door]

Bill... it's three o'clock

in the morning.

What are you doing?

The final.

I'm s...

The what?

I'm just gettin' an early start

in the final.

Well, come to bed now.

I've just-I've got a lot

going on.

It's Tuesday.

Is that-is that why you

haven't come to bed?

I'm really trying,

and you are always in here.

I- I guess we could,

if you really want to.

No, that's okay.

Now I'm tired.

[pen clicking]

Who's that?

Your new girlfriend?

What kinda guy

do you think I am?

I know exactly what kinda guy

you are.

You're supposed to be

answering e-mails.

I was doing research.

Fine, I'm doing it.

Okay?

Hannah, let's go!

Uncle Ron and Aunt Tricia

are already at the restaurant!

[Hannah]

In a minute!

[sighs]

[phone rings]

[Diane on line]

Hello?

It's for me, Diane.

I got it.

- [Diane] Bill...

- I got it.

What do you want from me?

What do you want?

[knock on door]

Bill, we need to get going.

Just-just a minute.

Who are you talking to?

Just a minute!

I never...

When did I...

You can't do this.

[stammering]

I never touched you.

I never did anything to you.

What do you want from me?

[phone hangs up]

Who's that?

Nothing.

Ready to go?

We're still waiting on Hannah.

[Hannah]

Dad.

Hey, Dad, I've been thinking.

Yes, dear.

Madison University is great

and everything, but...

...I've been looking at

the Thatherton catalogue, and...

How 'bout we talk

about this later, okay?

But I...

Now's really not the time.

Bill.

How 'bout I go get the mail?

Okay.

[Hannah]

Hey, Dad?

You got a message.

[answering machine beeps]

No!

[Marty on the phone, crying]

Bill, Marty.

They're beautiful, I...

I just don't know what to say.

I'm at a loss for words.

Okay, okay, so they're

not here yet,

but I am looking at them

in the catalogue

and-and-and they're jumping

out of the page at me!

[answering machine beeps]

Oh, sh*t.

What the hell

is wrong with you?

Bill, you've been acting

so incredibly strange today.

I- I don't know.

Oh, that's weird, there's no

return address.

[loud muffler driving away]

[sighs]

Are we okay?

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean...

...do you still find me

attractive?

Diane... of course I do.

Say something, anything,

so that I know that we're okay.

Bill!

They're here!

[giggling]

360 revolving binocular heads!

Inter-pupillary

distance regulation!

Double focusing regulation!

Micrometrical and macrometrical!

Movable stage

with micrometric movements.

End-stop to ward off

slide crash, Bill!

End-stop to ward off

slide crash!

[door closes]

[phone vibrating]

[grunting, moaning]

[techno music ]

The, um, female praying mantis

will release...

...pheromones to attract

a mate.

In perhaps 30%

of the cases studied,

um...

the female will start to...

...eat the male

during copulation.

This usually only occurs

if the, um, female is hungry,

but for the Mantis religiosa

it is necessary for

the head be removed

for the... mating process

to take effect properly.

In fact, in all mantises...

...eating the head causes

the body to...

...ejaculate quicker.

I guess it's that time.

Um, for tomorrow...

...read what's in

your syllabus

Fascinating stuff today,

Mr. Pollard.

Tell me what you want so we

can get this over with.

We want money.

Do I look like I have money?

I work here.

They don't even give me dental.

You have a pretty nice house.

Oh, the house,

with two mortgages against it?

Minivan in your driveway?

You want that?

Take it.

And what about your kid's

college fund?

Scholarship.

I've got nothing

for you to take.

The school is loaded...

and you're the head

of the science department.

You think they give me

an expense account?

They don't trust me with

anything but the keys to the...

You'll think of something.

I can fake rape

just as well as I faked

every orgasm you ever paid for.

What if I can get you

something valuable?

Expensive science equipment.

A whole set, brand new, worth almost a...

a grand apiece.

Serial numbers?

Engraved on the bottom.

You can file 'em right off.

I just-I forget to

lock the door

and someone breaks in.

When?

Headed home, Marty?

Yeah.

I'm gonna stick around

and finish up some paperwork.

Okay.

I'll lock up.

You just can't get enough,

can you, Professor?

[laughing]

Didn't trust us?

No.

Just take the microscopes,

don't touch anything else.

They all work?

We haven't had a chance

to try 'em yet.

[stuttering]

They're brand new.

Just take the microscopes,

don't touch anything else.

- This is it.

- What's it?

This is it, we're-

we're finished.

[laughs]

[engine starts]

[tires screech]

[metal clanging]

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