Birds of America Page #2

meters per second

squared or...

[cllck of chalk

on blackboard]

Since the average

speed of an object

is determined

by dividing the distance

the object travels

by the...

we are out of time.

[Birds chirping gaily]

Hey, buddy.

You're still here?

Yeah.

Grant application.

I spoke to

Laura at lunch.

She told me Jay Is

not dolng too well.

You poor guy.

Yeah.

Thanks.

How you do it.

Some kind of

brain injury?

Well, I don't

know about that,

but something

seems to be... awry.

I think he was

very insulting

to Laura today.

No!

We don't have

to have dlnner.

No! I mean, I

wouldn't care

but Laura...

Of course.

Maybe Jay

could just...

Sure, he wouldn't

want to come.

I mean, he'd be

fine not coming.

Great.

You are

really somethlng.

Herolc. I mean lt.

I mean it,

I do.

I mean, Jay's

always been kinda...

Well, he was just

a little kid when

Dad died.

Yeah.

And Mom.

Right away.

That's true, and

these thlngs can

be In the genes.

[Clicks tongue]

"Anyhoo", you must be

doing something right.

You're looking awful

damn good for someone

so beleaguered.

I'll see

you laterl

[cell phone rings]

Ida Osonka Photography.

(Morrle)

HI therel

Hey Morrie,

what's up?

Okay If we postponed

your vlslt a blt?

Why?

Well, I just don't think

this is the ideal time

for you to

come home.

[Pop muslc

over car radlo]

What's wrong?

Nothlng. I just

thought that you

were one of two people

who actually wanted

me to come home.

Of course. I

always want you

to come home.

I know.

I'm glad

you understand.

Jay's gonna be

here a while, at

least a month.

I would llke to

accommodate you,

I really would,

there's just

one problem.

What's that?

[Car honks]

[Betty gasps loudly]

[Blrds chlrp gally]

(Morrle)

Hey I

Oh my god.

Are you alrlght?

You look terrlble.

So do you.

I do?

No, you don't.

You look tired.

No, she doesn't.

Well, I haven't

slept all nlght.

Still eating yourself?

I wish.

You look beautiful.

I do?

Gosh, Ida,

it's been ages,

you look great.

I do?

Hey, Ida.

H i, Betty.

How are you?

I'm fine,

how are you?

Oh!

I'm fine,

how are you?

I'm fine.

How are you?

Okay.

[Birds chirp

and clock chimes softly]

(Ida)

It's so weird

being back here.

Because of Gary?

(Betty)

Ida, your room

Is all ready.

There's fresh

towels on the bed.

I'm gonna stay

in the basement,

if that's okay.

It's out

of control.

I don't mind.

[Phone rings]

It's too blzarre

staylng In my

old room.

Hello?

HI, Nancy.

Well, we just sat

down to dlnner,

but what's up?

Why is

it bizarre?

I don't know.

Isn't it weird

sleeping in Mom

and Dad's room?

Really? That

Is strange.

I 'll call you back when

we're done. Thanks,

Nancy. Sorry.

That was Nancy

Kennedy on

the phone.

Jay, she says you gave

her something today

on Brock Street?

Nancy Kennedy?

Is she...

the blonde with

the false chest?

I mplants?

I think so.

I wondered

about that.

I don't

remember Nancy.

The blonde with

the false chest?

Anyway. She said

Jay gave her

She said you gave

a lot of people

Is 25 a lot

of people?

You gave 25

people 20 dollars?

I hope...

I know that's not

the 500 dollars

I gave you.

Honey, why dld

you do that?

[Sighs]

Another blll for

the washer-dryer

came today.

Okay.

There's a

lot of bllls

plllng up.

Okay.

Have your new washer

and dryer made

you happy?

Yes, Jay,

they have.

Would you llke

to know why?

I would.

Because now,

I don't have to spend

twenty minutes in

the morning

before I go to work

at the bank

scraplng soap partlcles and

resldue off Morrle's

and my clothes.

Because now I have

a washing machine

that doesn't bump, or quake

or travel halfway across

the basement

when you put more

than three items

in one load.

(Ida)

I remember that. It

was, llke, possessed.

Because now

I have a dryer,

which is just

that. A dryer.

A devlce

that removes

slgnlflcant amounts

of molsture

from clothlng,

and renders them

completely - not just

partially - dry.

So, yes, my new washer

and dryer have made

me very happy.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Morrie's always helped

you, hasn't he, Ida?

Every time you've called,

every six months or so.

I will pay him

back eventually.

You can pay

him back now.

Leave tomorrow, Ida.

Please. First thing.

Did you just

say that to me?

I know, and I'm

sorry. But I know

you understand.

How many years have you

guys been tlptoelng

around Paul and Laura?

Is thls my parents'

creme de menthe?

I don't know. It was

there when Morrie and

I started dating.

Morrie's a great teacher.

Paul is not gonna punish

him just because I

came to see Jay.

Is that the only reason

you came? I mean,

Ida, please.

J ust please stay away from

Gary's for the next

couple of weeks.

He's really

been doing well.

He's finally

back up on...

his feet.

You mean,

back on his feet?

You were

gonna say back

on his feet.

It has been two years,

you never even

called him.

If you mess with Gary

now, if you mess with

Gary's engagement,

Paul's already furlous

wlth Morrle. That would

just be It for us.

Engagement?

Oh, sweetie. Oh,

surely you heard?

Gary is marrying

Ellen Thomas.

[Soft muslc]

[Loud rock music]

[Loud female laughter]

(Ida)

Thank you for the

smooth ride, officer.

[Sigh]

What are you

doing here?

Who is that?

Will.

Wlll who?

Actually, I think

it was Phil.

It was Phil.

It was a Phil.

Sex. You should

try it, it's fun.

You know what

they say, Morrie?

Everythlng In moderatlon,

Includlng moderatlon.

Loosen your belt a blt.

Your robe. Loosen

your robe.

You don't

wanna see that.

I 've seen it,

but that's not

what I meant.

You've seen it.

When did you see it?

Jay and I used to look out

the window when you'd

sneak out back,

and you'd go behind

the bush and,

you know?

You need to think about

your behavior. It

isn't safe.

You could get

tenure tomorrow,

after seven years of

inhaling Paul and

Laura's farts,

and get hlt by

a meteor.

Life is short.

Llfe Isn't

that short.

The average llfe span of

a male In North

Amerlca Is 70.

What's the average life

span of this family?

I 've chosen to plan

for my future.

As for fun, you and Jay

can keep living it

up in ravines,

and pretendlng to be

artlsts and photographers.

I am

a photographer.

You look exhausted.

Well, I just haven't

been sleeping.

[Sighs]

Anyway. [clears throat]

Sorry about what

I insinuated.

I 'm sure that you and

Betty have a wonderful

sex life.

We do have it.

I'm worried

about Jay.

How do you get

run over without

breaking a bone?

Oarefully.

I don't want to have to, but

he could hurt himself

or someone else.

Well, but

commit him?

He's not

mentally ill.

He's, he's

emotionally ill.

No, not ill.

He's disconnected.

Sometimes these things

run in families.

Except, Dad

was not crazy.

Dad had an accident

and Dad

was eccentric

and so is Jay.

Dad was more

than eccentric.

(male volce slngs)

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