Black & White & Sex Page #7

That's okay, but... show everyone

a perfectly healthy erect penis

and they get

all over-the-top excited!

What is with that?

What if you'd come?

Straight into the lens?

Now, that's a film!

I don't think

that was ever gonna happen.

If you had good aim,

it'd be a great shot.

What if it was in slow-motion?

Like, really slow?

Just...

All over the lens! Oh!

What if I had an orgasm now?

- Could you?

- Easily.

And they probably wouldn't mind

as much.

Women's orgasms

aren't as much of a show.

You go out, we go in.

So I could just fake it.

But not like in that film.

I'd fake it for real.

You know what I mean.

Might be real, might be fake.

That'd just confuse the censors.

Why would they care?

Well, real sex...

is classified differently

to simulated sex.

You got to be joking.

So, if the actors do a really good job,

then the film might get banned,

but if they're bad actors

or they do a bad job,

then it's okay?

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

But in all seriousness,

unless there is a close-up

of a cock in a c*nt or a mouth

or an ass or something,

then how can they...

how can they tell?

They're paid to know.

I hope you're being facetious.

What about what we did before?

Is that considered sex?

No, not in their minds.

So, they're only worried

about the physical stuff?

Pretty much.

Um, we're still gonna get

an adult rating.

- Why?

- The "fucks" and "c*nts".

What, but they won't worry

about "penises" and "vaginas"?

- No, not so much.

- What about scrotums?

You know, I actually don't know

where they fit in.

Um... probably down

with the testicles.

Yeah, huh?

What if you could smell films?

What would they do then?

I mean, sex and smell.

The actors "simulating" sex,

no actual penetration,

but just... lots of kissing,

and... touching, and... rubbing.

It's still simulated,

but what would happen if they

started getting right into it?

You start to smell it.

And then... it starts wafting

through the air in the cinema,

up into our noses...

up into their noses.

Can see them getting...

all excited,

trying to figure out

if it's real or not.

Yeah, that's, uh...

That's, uh, not special effects!

No, that's uh...

That's real.

I can smell vagina...

a mile away.

So they ban it.

Because it's wet.

And what about this film?

Does it... smell wet to you?

A bit. Not much, not yet.

- Not yet?

- Yeah.

We've still got time.

What are you gonna call it?

- The film?

- Yeah.

"Black And White And Sex."

Oh! Oh! She doesn't like it!

Is it gonna be

in black and white?

Well...

Don't think

Mr. raincoat's gonna like it.

He's still there, isn't he?

Yeah.

Not sure he's awake, though.

Mm. He is now.

Um, anyway,

I think it's a good title.

I mean, you know, it's sex!

It's... it's something that

everyone has an opinion on,

you know?

There are those who believe

that anything goes,

and there are those who believe

that it's just the devil's work.

I mean,

there's no in between with sex.

There...

it's either this or that,

or good or bad, black or white,

you know?

- Can't be.

- Can't be what?

Devil's work.

It's got to be God's work.

- Why?

- Devil's work divides things.

Heaven and earth. Adam and Eve.

You and I. Us and them.

It's what creates divisions,

conflicts.

God's the opposite.

God is...

everything that brings things together.

Connects us. Like sex.

That's why it's so compelling.

You with me?

The devil...

is black and white.

God is gray.

Devil is man and woman.

God is sex.

What?

Oh, I can just see them now.

- Who?

- The Christians.

What Christians?

The ones who will be demonstrating

outside the cinema,

waving their placards,

defending their faith.

Yes, but I wasn't talking

about their God.

I was talking about mine.

- And they're different?

- Yeah!

My God...

My God is...

A great, big, horny God!

A huge, metaphysical horny.

A giant cock. A massive c*nt.

A big, wet, sticky,

Yin-Yang cosmic cuddle.

A f*** to end all fucks.

Big Bang was just foreplay.

Did you know the Vatican

is full of little d*cks?

Vatican representative

used to go around

and cut off the d*cks

of the old Greek statues,

but they kept them.

A weird thing.

So there's, like, drawers,

just full of little stone d*cks.

Saw a documentary on it.

D*cks of antiquity.

I think you should call

your film "Mr. raincoat."

Okay, thanks.

I'll think about it.

Or..." Love And Tickle

And Happy Ending."

Oh, but, you see,

we don't know if it's gonna

have a happy ending.

That's true.

You're like a butterfly, aren't you?

What do you mean?

You just... you're... here,

you're there, you're everywhere.

Sorry. It's just me, I guess.

Don't be. I like it.

Do you?

Yeah, I do.

Do you like me?

Isn't it obvious?

Are you trying to come on to me?

Yeah.

I want to get inside you.

What do you think

you'll find in there?

Huh?

Just hot air, sweetie.

You know those blow-up dolls,

just a surface with orifices?

- That's me!

- I don't think so.

Scratch the surface,

you might get a surprise...

- I might blow up in your face!

- Come on, Angie.

What?

Red lips and a shaved p*ssy?

A tight little anus?

A thousand fantasies.

I would have thought

that was enough for any man.

- Angie, stop talking crap.

- What? What?!

Oh, what it's all right for you,

isn't it,

standing there behind your camera,

asking your questions?

How safe is that?

I've got as much at stake here

as you.

Oh, that is f***ing bullshit.

Well, who was the one over here

masturbating before?

Well, you know what?

Apart from me,

no one else could see you.

Angie,

when this film comes out,

I'm the one who's

gonna be judged...

not you.

Is that what you think?

Am I just the victim here,

forced to do and say things?

God, you've got no idea, do you?

I am fully accountable!

I know it, they know it!

Women are always the ones

who are judged...

especially women like me.

You look me in the eye

and you tell me that you see me

like any other person.

You can't, can you?

That's 'cause you see me

first as a whore,

and then as a person.

They do, too.

We're either whores,

mothers, or lovers.

Then I'm the whore...

isn't that right?

Course it is.

But I'm a lot of other things,

too.

I'm good.

And I'm bad.

But I'm not black and white.

I'm sorry.

You should be.

Do you want to stop th--

the interview?

- Do you?

- No.

You know,

I wasn't bullshitting.

I am like a blow-up doll.

Inside me, there is hot air.

It's the breath of all the men

who have entered me.

When they're lying on top of me,

I watch their faces.

Strangers, with red faces all puffed up,

panting like puppies.

I can feel their breath.

I can smell it.

Can't help but inhale it.

When it comes to blowj*bs,

I'm it.

Do you know

what a lot of people don't get...

what they don't want to get?

It's that I like it.

I'm not supposed to, but I do.

I like to...

I like to draw these guys into me...

Deep inside me,

so they can't escape.

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