Black Tar Road Page #4

- You f***in' b*tch.

- Do I look glamorous?

I just threw my ashes in the water.

Here.

I hate doin' dishes.

Nothin' worse than doin' dishes.

Okay, maybe I can think of

a few things that are worse,

but not many.

- I can't stop smellin' dick.

And thinkin' about this town

and the jobs and the men.

I think about the lake.

About how when you came here

it's like a came out of

a trance or somethin'.

Like swimmin',

I was washed.

- Me too.

You know, it's kind of like I just

woke the f*** up or somethin'.

I have never felt more

alive than I feel right here

right now, doin' dishes with you.

- Well, you know, I mean,

I've been doin' drugs

since I was probably 12.

I mean, I just started early.

My mom's always been kind

of been doin' speed, meth,

you know, I got into the cocaine

probably more than anything.

Meth was a little too much for me.

A little too jittery, you know,

but the cocaine, boy that

just made me feel good,

and it just made me feel

like I could do no wrong,

and I guess I needed

something to get my brain

off of what was going on

constantly in my life,

and when I was on cocaine, it was, I was,

you don't even have to think about that.

You just feel like you're

on top of the world.

- You hear helicopters?

- Gotta to do that.

F***in fun to do.

- Get up.

- Here?

There?

- There.

There.

- I think I'm gonna be

strangled by this tension.

I am dry ice.

Oh Charlie, let's talk.

Let's talk about something, you know?

Paper airplanes,

and I'm gonna send to you,

and then you read it, and then

I'll talk, and then I'll write that down,

but you can't read it until I say, okay?

Okay.

And then you can talk like,

about history like

Germany, or like Russia,

you know, Russia, it's

got bombs, it's like Bam!

Okay, so just talk.

Just talk, talk about, about everything.

I wanna know, I wanna

know about you, Charlie,

like, your life and things.

Oh my gosh, that was perfect.

Tell me what was before me.

- I f***ed girls who didn't give a f***.

- Where the f***'d

you get a gun, Charlie?

- Don't touch that, it's loaded.

- I love you, Charlie.

I know I love you.

- Give me that.

- I'm gonna blow your f***ing brains out!

- You're f***ed up.

You're f***ed up.

- Just chill out, baby.

Just talk to me.

Tell me anything.

Tell me about yourself.

- What the f***

do you want me to tell you?

- I don't know who you are, Charlie.

Just talk.

- Come here...

- So, um, I have a story.

There's a story I have about a spider.

There was this spider, and it uh,

it went up this water cell,

no it went up a water spout, like,

you do it with your

hands kind of, like this.

And then, but, it's not

like a church steeple

or anything, it's not a steeple,

it's just like a spider.

But it goes up the water spout,

and then there's this, um,

there's some rain, and

the rain comes down.

And then after the rain comes and washes

the spider away or something, and then,

I don't know, the spider's gone, but then

it's not like a sad story.

I don't know.

The spider.

The spider and the water spout,

and then rain,

and then it washes it away.

I don't know why it's

not bad that the spider

gets washed away, but I

guess it's just washed away,

but I don't think it killed the spider,

or else they wouldn't

kept tellin' that story.

Huh.

- And then she would disappear,

jut like a mirage.

There, then gone, then back again.

I never knew where she went or why,

but I missed her every

moment she wasn't near.

Don't cry baby

I ain't gonna change my mind

Some day, maybe

You will be okay in time

'Cause everybody knows

it's how the story goes

Bound to leave you in the end

Now baby's got new shoes

But it won't take away those blues

So you listen to the message I sent

Don't cry baby

You don't want the neighbors to see

- I know I, I stashed a

bag in here somewhere.

I can't find it.

I can't find it, I don't

have anything left.

I hid it in one of these pockets

so that no one could

find it, and now I can't.

- F***.

- Trucker got me.

- My veins are f***ed.

Pull this sh*t.

- You're just gonna leave me

just like everybody else?

Is that it?

One more, f***in' one more!

One more f***in' f***ers leave me.

- Guess what?

F***in' what.

I wonder, too, okay.

I mean, where the f***

is everyone always goin'?

Huh?

Where's everyone goin' all the time?

Think I don't care?

I f***in' do.

- Charlie.

- What?

- I want everythin'

you have in you to be put in me.

What were you like before here?

- You don't wanna know.

- Charlie, I need you right now.

- This doesn't last forever.

- I know.

I just thought that maybe

you could stay with me.

- This thing that I am,

the person that I am,

I'm not gonna change.

I'm not gonna change this.

- It's too late.

- Too late for what?

- Too late for you.

- Hey lady,

I saw you earlier today.

Still working commercial companies?

- I'm walkin'.

- Walkin?

Woah, woah, woah.

Come here, come here, come here.

Look, look, look, look.

Wanna party?

Come on in.

Atta girl, that's my girl.

That's my girl.

Jealous dream, chapters close

Nothin' happens, nothin' smoked, yeah

You saw a body bag

Wishes and dreams don't always last

Things arise from the inside

So mad, don't smile,

it's okay, it's all right

All right

It's a guillotine

You know, you're killin' me, yeah

You're so messed up, hold on too tight

Too tight

Now I can barely breathe

You're f***in' killin' me, yeah

You kill me

- It's like the more tricks you do,

the more drugs you take,

the more sex you have,

the more got somebody

pou-poun-poundin' you,

the more you don't think about

how f***ed up your life really is.

When I dream

Just rise from the inside

So mad, don't smile,

it's okay, it's all right

All right

Like a guillotine

You know you're killin' me, yeah

You're so messed up, hold on too tight

Too tight

Now I can barely breathe

You're f***in' killin' me, yeah

- Hey, hey there's a

Sizzler in Houston, I think.

We should go sometime.

- Yeah.

I usually go to Taco Bell

when I eat hot food.

- Look, look, look.

Right there, that black.

That black right there.

- There's nothing there.

- It moved, it moved, it jumped.

- There's nothin' there.

- It just jumped, it just moved.

- There's nothin' there.

- Anxiety, it brings it to the surface.

Just when you, you think you can stop,

when you really wanna

stop, it's just usin',

you can't, it's...

- See?

Anybody can stop with enough will power.

I choose not to stop.

I'm no quitter.

- It doesn't matter really, I love her.

You know, no matter what

she did, I always loved her.

I don't know, I really thought

she wanted to get clean.

And she really did.

She really did, I know, f***.

- So what the f*** do you want me to do?

- Hang in there.

- I'm gonna die.

- No, hang in there.

It's okay, it's okay.

- That was the baptism.

Demanding the evil be gone.

Get the darkness out.

We got it out, amen.

You know what I like?

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