Blackadder: The Cavalier Years Page #2

...and pop him back on the throne

without anyone noticing.

Your head is as empty

as a eunuch's underpants.

You'd do anything for

It was a thousand pounds actually sir,

plus tip.

Well I suppose somebody's

got to do it, haven't they?

And when it's gonna be done,

it's got to be done in single stroke,

by someone

who actually owns an axe.

We don't want you hacking

away at it all afternoon...

...with your cheap penknife

of yours.

It would be so embarrassing

to have King Charles...

...staggering around Hampton

Court tomorrow morning...

...with his neck flapping

like fish's gills.

- Sir, you don't mean?

- Yep, I'm doing it.

Lend me your costume,

then go immediately to the King,

and inform him that Edmund Blackadder

cannot be with him tomorrow.

And make sure you think up

a bloody good excuse.

So that's why

he can't be here. Sorry.

I see.

I quite understand, yes.

Sir, the moment has arrived.

Are you ready to meet your maker?

I'm always absolutely fascinated

to meet people from all walks of life...

...but yes, particularly

manufacturing industry.

Well then, have a quick walk and talk

with your executioner,

- and let's get on with it.

- Right.

Well, I'm sorry, my friend.

I'm alone here today.

I'd hoped that my loyal chum

Sir Edmund Blackadder would be here,

but unfortunately his wife's sister's

puppy fell into the strawberry patch.

So, naturally, he can't be with us.

All I can do is bid

you do your duty well.

Well, thank you, Your Majesty.

May I say

how much I mourn for your lot,

and bid you remember others

before you who have died unjustly.

Thank you.

I take great solace from that.

Sir Thomas More, for instance.

A great generous man to the last.

He apparently tipped

his executioner, handsomely.

I'm so sorry,

I thought service was included.

Here you are.

- And then there was the Earl of Essex.

- Was there?

A truly great man.

They still sing his famous ballad

in The Chepstow Arms.

What ballad is that?

# The Earl he had a thousand

sovereigns, hey nonny no #

# He gave them all away

to the man with the axe... oh. #

- A thousand sovereigns?

- You can't take it with you, Majesty.

Very true.

There you are. Keep the change.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Right, should we go?

Just a moment!

That voice has

a strangely familiar ring.

And so does that finger.

Blackadder!

Hello, Your Majesty!

You cunning swine!

Yes, well...

Marvellous! Splendid!

You've duped Cromwell and you've

concocted a cunning plan...

...to help me and my infant son

escape to France.

Yes, that's right. Yes.

So, let's put your cunning plan

into operation straight away.

Yes, let's...

- Well, you start the ball rolling.

- No, no, after you.

Right... yes...

Oh, yes, right.

And it's a very good plan.

It's a staggering

bowel-shatteringly good plan.

- Is the King ready?

- He is. Come, Your Majesty.

This is the head of a traitor.

No, it's not.

It's a huge pumpkin...

...with a pathetic moustache

drawn on it.

Oh yes, so it is. Sorry.

I'll try again.

Well sir,

they can't say you didn't try.

Now the future

of the British monarchy...

...lies fast asleep in your arms,

in the person of this infant prince.

And with the money you've earned

you and he can escape to France.

Well, quite.

On the other hand, you can stay here

and as a known loyalist,

the Roundheads will come

and cut your head off.

Exactly, Baldrick.

- Oh, my God.

- Surround the house, men.

Oh no! We're surrounded!

What'll we do?

At times like this Baldrick,

there's no choice for a man of honour.

He must stand and fight and die

in defence of his future sovereign.

Unfortunately,

I'm not a man of honour.

Thank God you've come!

Seize the royalist scum!

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