Blackadder Rides Again Page #4

Not only the dress, not only the wig, not only the ruff, but also a pomander

and a mirror attached to my dress.

Do I look absolutely divine and regal

and yet and at the same time very pretty and rather accessible?

You are every jolly jacktar's dream, Majesty.

I thought as much.

Had we not lucked out in getting Miranda,

- probably Blackadder II wouldn't have worked.

- Yeah!

I think it's held together rather well.

Rather better than I have!

Even though in theory I had the title role of the programme,

because there was Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie and Tony Robinson,

there was this wonderful feeling of being able to delegate,

of almost being the man in the middle, who was able to say,

"Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Robinson will now be extremely amusing!"

Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you're about to give phenomenally good.

- You said, "Get the door."

- Not good enough, you're fired.

But, my lord, I've been in your family since 1532.

So has syphilis. Now get out.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Stephen Fry!

Now, Melchy, you really are a beginner.

You're not even wearing a pair of comedy breasts.

Au contraire, Blackadder.

You silly, silly people!

To have come all the way to Ndigwe

with a pair of comedy breasts.

Well, down the hatch.

CHEERING:

They still smell the same.

They're fantastic.

I always felt sorry for those who came into the Blackadder to,

you know, do their roles, you know, do their cameos.

It's me!

Some people managed it better than others.

Flash by name, flash by nature!

Come here, camera.

Come here. Come here.

Hello, girls. It's Rik.

Happy Christmas.

Wahay!

- Hooray!

- Where have you been?

Where haven't I been? Woof!

I was surprised when they asked me.

Very honouring they should ask me.

I said, "All right, so long as I get more laughs than Rowan."

So my old mate Eddie's getting hitched, eh?

What's are the matter? Can't stand the pace of the in-crowd?

Many actors have many facets.

I do... I can do ego...

And that's about it.

Am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?

Down, boy, down!

I've got a big one. It's a big one.

But Flashheart isn't really you, is it?

- I mean, it's...

- No, my ego.

Who is that?

I don't know but he's in your place.

Not for long!

It really helped, somebody coming in with a different style,

shall we say! Which gave everybody a bit of a kick up the arse, I think.

There was a very good head-butt. I'm rather proud of that one.

I head-butt him through the door.

Look, I only took the part of Flashheart for the women.

- Hi, Queenie. You look sexy. Woof!

- Woof!

He's like Errol Flynn coming in, you know, and she's, she's obsessed.

I've got such a crush on him!

He's just bigger and louder and got more testosterone.

Still worshipping God?

Fancier tights.

Last thing I heard, he started worshipping me!

- Ah ha ha ha ha!

- Ah ha ha ha ha!

To be standing next to Rowan is quite an experience.

My fiancee, Kate.

Hi, baby!

'You see then that Rowan is also a great reactor.'

FRANTIC GRUNTING

And at the end of it, Rik said, "Did I win?"

Which isn't really in the spirit of the ensemble, is it?

I don't know. Of course I haven't counted,

but I got three-and-a-half rounds of applause and he didn't get one.

Hurrah!

Series two was a brilliant success so nothing stood in the way of series three.

The dastardly duo moved from Elizabethan excess

to the bewigged and perfumed finery of the 18th century.

Series three, we took a big old gamble at the beginning,

that we ended up with such a small cast,

because there'd been sort of five of them, hadn't there?

There'd been Melchett and Nursey and Queenie and Percy and Baldrick

and Rowan, and this time, there was just Baldrick, Rowan and Hugh.

It was the casting of Prince George alongside Blackadder and Baldrick that brought new life to the show.

The role went to an actor who's since quickened the pulse of America.

Roaaaarrr!

It's a trial, John, you've no idea.

Have you learned anything about medicine? Can you remember all the stuff?

For about 20 minutes.

You know, I can hold it in my head for about 20 minutes, and I could...

For about 20 minutes, I could probably

do a coronary bypass operation.

If you catch me at the right hour, then by all means

have an aortic infarction at my feet and I'll fix it.

But, if it's the wrong hour, you're a goner.

I have to say, it's that my favourite series, Hugh,

that one, and it's because of you,

and I remember saying to you on the set that one day,

you are gonna be such a world-famous actor.

- Stop it.

- I told you.

- Stop it.

I bet you say that to all the actors in Blackadder, third series.

Hugh's always self-deprecating about it,

but that's the kind of bloke he is.

He says, "Oh, I just shouted a lot."

I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder.

I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker.

I can't marry. I'm young, I'm firm-buttocked, I'm...

Broke.

Well, yes, I suppose so.

You used to get quite stressed when you were the Prince Regent.

I came pre-stressed.

No stress was added.

I mean, that's what I do. I don't know why.

I wish I didn't, I wish I could sort of relax and enjoy things more,

but I don't, I worry about them.

Just occasionally one can say, "Come on, Hugh."

Is the entire idea of your misery for us to spend the next three hours

telling you how great you are?

Because, whether or not that was the idea, that is the end result!

Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass and unbelievably thick.

Whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallowy, pigletty type of creature.

But I do love the Prince Regent.

I love his...

His attempt to be better all the time.

That's one of the things that's so likeable about him, is,

he's trying to improve himself, and we know how doomed it is.

'That vacant, panicky look in his eye. It's bliss.'

I terminated my uninterrupted categorisation

of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about,

but it sounds damn saucy, you lucky thing!

The classic episode of series three saw the arrival of Robbie Coltrane as Dr Johnson.

Here it is, sir.

Author of the very first English dictionary.

This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.

Every single one, sir?

- Every single one, sir.

- Oh.

Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer

the doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities.

What?

Contrafibularities, sir.

- It is a common word down our way.

- Damn!

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic,

even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulations.

What, what, what?

The funny thing about the dictionary episode is there are things

in it which I really don't like.

Robbie's wig, which doesn't fit properly. The poets.

Be quiet, sir!

Can't you see we're dying?

The dream. I suddenly realised I don't like dreams.

Baldrick! Who gave you permission to turn into an Alsatian?

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