Blazing Saddles

Come on, boys!

The way you're lollygagging around here

with them picks and them shovels...

...you'd think it was 120...

It cant' be more than 114.

Dock that Chink a day's pay

for napping on the job.

Now, come on, boys, where's your

spirit? I don't hear no singing.

When you were slaves,

you sang like birds.

Go on. How about a good

old n*gger work song?

"I get no kick from champagne.

"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all.

"So tell me why should it be true...

"... that I get a belt out of you?

"Some get a kick from cocaine. "

What the hell is that sh*t?

I meant a song. A real song.

Something like...

"Swing low, sweet chariot... "

Swing low? Sweet chariot?

Don't know that one, huh?

How about "De Camp Town Ladies"?

"De Camp Town Ladies"?

Ah, you know.

"De Camp Town Ladies sing this song,

doo-dah, doo-dah.

"De Camp Town race track five

miles long, all the doo-dah day!

"Gonna run all night,

gonna run all day.

"Bet my money on the bobtailed

nag, somebody bet on the bay!"

What in the wide, wide world

of sports is going on here?

I hired you people to try to get

a little track laid...

...not to jump around like a

bunch of Kansas City faggots!

Sorry, Mr. Taggart. I, I guess

we kind of got caught up.

Dummy, the surveyors say they may

have run into some quicksand up ahead.

Better check it out.

Okay, I'll send down a team of

horses to check out the ground.

Horses! We can't afford to lose

any horses, you dummy!

Send over a couple of n*ggers.

You and you.

Sir, he specifically requested

two n*ggers...

...but to tell a family secret,

my grandmother was Dutch.

Get on that hand car and take it

down to the end of that line!

Just trying to help you out.

I didn't know your grandma was Dutch!

"Oh, de Camp Town Ladies sing

this song, doo-dah, doo-dah.

"Camp Town race track five

miles long, oh, doo-dah day.

"Going to run all night,

going to run all day.

"I waged my money on the bobtail nag,

somebody bet on the bay!"

Am I wrong...

...or is the world rising?

I don't know, but whatever

it is, I hate it.

Let me ask you something.

What is it that's not exactly water,

and it's not exactly earth?

Quicksand!

Oh, sh*t, quicksand!

Goddang, now we are in trouble!

They're in trouble!

Get your rope there.

Get over there quick.

Dang, that was lucky.

Doggone near lost a $400 hand cart.

Yeah, we can take it right off to the,

just a little bit to the left of that hill.

But we're going to die, Bart.

They're going to leave us here to die!

Take it easy, Charlie.

My foot is on the rail.

Then maybe down that canyon.

I think it's pretty level off there.

We can't swing back to the right

'cause of that hill there.

That looks like the way

we'll have to go from here.

Yes, we'll put her right down

through there over that ridge.

Well, boys, the break is over.

Don't just lay there getting a suntan.

Won't do you any good, anyhow!

Take that shovel and put

her to some good use!

What?

Don't do that now!

I have to.

Send a wire to the main office

and tell them I said... OW!

Send wire, main office,

tell them I said, "Ow". Gotcha.

And right here, Mr. Lamarr, is

where we ran into quicksand.

Quicksand. Splendid.

And so the railroad has got

to go through Rock Ridge.

Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge. Splendid.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge.

Be still, Taggart. Be still.

My mind is aglow with whirling,

transient nodes of thought...

...careening through a

cosmic vapor of invention.

Ditto!

Ditto? Ditto, you provincial putz!

I'm sorry, sir.

A plan. We need a plan.

What in the hell was that?

We can't hear ourselves think!

Sorry, your Worship, but I've got

two men home sick with the flu...

...and it's utter chaos down here.

I'll try to keep it

as quiet as possible.

But as you can see...

...this one is a doozey.

Yes, the Doctor Gillespie killings.

Well, do your best.

Now, let's see. Where were we?

Rock Ridge.

Yes, when that railroad

goes through Rock Ridge...

...that land will be worth

millions, and I want it!

I want that land so badly,

I can taste it.

There must be a way.

Clumsy fool!

Wait a minute! There might

be a legal precedent.

Of course! Land-snatching!

Land. La-land. "See 'Snatch'."

Haley vs. United States.

Haley, seven. United States, nothing.

You see, it can be done.

It can be done.

Unfortunately, there is one thing that

stands between me and that property.

The rightful owners.

There must be some way of scaring

them off, driving them out.

Getting rid of every human being

alive in that...

It's down the hall and to the left.

I've got it!

What? What?

I know how we can run

everybody out of Rock Ridge.

We'll kill the first-born male

child in every household!

Too Jewish.

We'll work up a Number Six on them!

I'm afraid I'm not familiar

with that one.

That's where we go

riding into town...

...and a-whapping and a-whooping

every living thing...

...that moves within an inch

of its life!

Except the women folks, of course.

You spare the women?

No, we rape the sh*t out of them

at the Number Six dance later on!

That's marvelous! That's so creative!

Why, Taggart, you've been hurt!

That uppity n*gger hit me

on the head with a shovel.

I'd sure appreciate it, sir, if

you could find it in your heart...

...to hang him up by his

neck until he was dead.

Got him locked up downstairs.

Consider it done, stout fellow.

I've got a special.

When can you work him in?

I couldn't possibly fit him in

until Monday, sir. I'm booked solid.

Monday. Splendid.

Thank you, sir.

And don't you worry.

We'll make Rock Ridge

think it's a chicken...

...that got caught in a tractor's nuts!

It's all right, Taggart. Just a man

and a horse being hung out there.

"There was a peaceful town

called Rock Ridge,

"... where people lived in harmony.

"They never had no kind of trouble.

"There was no hint of misery.

"The town saloon was always lively...

"... but never nasty or obscene.

"Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson.

"He always kept things nice and clean!

"And all at once the trouble started.

"A pack of murderers and thieves...

"... like swarms of locusts

they descended...

"... their aim to make

the townsfolk flee. "

Well, that's the end of this suit!

Have you ever seen such cruelty?

"Now is a time of great decision.

"Are we to stay or up and quit?

"There's no avoiding this conclusion.

"Our town is turning into sh*t!"

Well, I don't have to tell you

good folks...

...what has been happening

here in our beloved town.

Sheriff murdered, crops burned...

...stores looted, people stampeded...

...and cattle raped!

Now the time has come to act.

And act fast!

I'm leaving.

You get back here, you old

pious, candy-ass sidewinder!

There ain't no way that nobody

is going to leave this town!

Hell, I was born here

and I was raised here...

...and goddamn it,

I'm going to die here!

And no sidewinder,

bushwhacking, hornswoggling...

...cracker croaker, is going

to ruin my biscuit-cutter!

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