Blonde Ambition Page #2

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But I know what will make you happy.

How about a thin mint?

Someone's being a klutzy Kathy.

And someone's being a sneaky Susan.

I despise you.

And take your paws off me.

How's everybody doing today?

- I like your tie.

- Thanks.

I like your tubes.

Hey. How'd it go with Richard?

I didn't go with Big Momma's House

standing in the way.

How dare Richard cut me out of that deal.

Well, I could cut him out of this world.

Push him right in front of a subway,

- how'd that be?

- Oh, be realistic.

Richard's never taken the subway in his life.

Yeah, that's true.

If only the Board were aware

of his negligence on that Marina deal.

Then they would fire him

and I'd have his job.

Well, we need to get

some inside information and expose him.

How can we get our hands on anything

with that guard dog Betty always around?

She's the problem, you know.

She's our roadblock.

Well, I could have her removed.

I know for a fact she takes the subway.

I could easily push her.

Well, I'd probably have to get a

friend to help me push her in front of one.

- She's a big one.

- No. No one needs to die.

- Okay. Yes.

- But if we could get rid of her somehow.

- Get someone we can manipulate.

- Manipulate.

- Make him look bad.

- Yes.

- Then I'd be president.

- Yes, you would.

Bye, everybody. Sorry, excuse me.

Oh. Gotta go.

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh, my God!

Shoe!

Look what you've done,

you evil breasty beast!

I'm sorry.

I need a Shout wipe, stat!

What are you, some kind of moron?

I'm gonna make sure this company

never uses your services again.

No, no, no, no, no.

See, I'm filling in for my Cousin Haley.

This is not my job.

I don't have a job in New York.

I don't even live in New York.

And I have no idea

what I'm even doing here!

No, you don't know what you're doing here,

you ditzy blonde scatterbrained dingbat!

Wait a minute.

Have you had lunch?

Oh, tapas.

I was worried you were taking me

to a topless bar.

It's tapas.

- They're appetizers.

- Run by Spaniards.

Spaniards, yes.

Well, I am just so thrilled. Cheers to...

Yes.

Okay. Toast.

- What was your name again, dear?

- Katie.

- Right. Here is a toast to you.

- Yes. Katie.

We are so thrilled

that you decided to join us for lunch.

You know,

you can remove your equipment, honey,

because there is no more threat of injury.

I'm sorry about your shoe earlier.

Didn't really expect you to call me a moron.

Oh, that was merely a test. It was a test.

- A test?

- Yes.

It was a test to see if you could survive

in a cutthroat corporate environment.

You see, I do it to Freddy all the time.

Yeah. It's called grooming.

She's grooming me.

Why would you wanna test me?

You're not from around here,

are you, Casey?

Katie.

- I'm from a small town called Minden.

- I knew it.

You see? Because us small-town girls,

we can sense each other.

Yes, we can.

You're from a small town? Where?

It's New Satchelmansterberg.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- It's New Satchelmansterberg.

- Quaint.

It's in Ohio.

- Wonderful tiny little village...

- Yes, it is.

...up in this mountain...

- So cute, isn't it?

...forest-type shire.

- You know, I see myself in you.

- Yes.

- I think you deserve a chance.

- Yes.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- I think I have a brilliant idea.

- Brain fart. I smelled it.

How about a position

at Connelly and Connelly?

- Brilliant.

- A job?

- No, I have to go back home soon.

- Don't be ridiculous.

I recognize a desire in you.

A desire for independence.

- A desire to be on your own.

- Yeah.

- To take charge of your life, to take control.

- Yes. Yes, yes.

I want to cultivate that desire in you.

- What do you say, Chelsea?

- Katie.

What do you say?

I think it sounds like a great idea.

- Yes!

- All right.

Then it's a deal!

Excuse me. Pap Paw says

that's compliments to the cook.

Is that right?

Hi, I'm trying

to locate one of your messengers.

I actually don't know her name,

but she's blonde.

She's got a great smile.

Cute dimples. Very soft skin.

Hello?

Oh, my God, Haley! Are you okay?

- What are you doing?

- Setting you free.

No, I'm Trapped.

I'm playing Trapped. We're doing

an emotional embodiment exercise.

It's really fun.

Jump in.

You look fantastic!

- He's Infatuation.

- I'm Katie.

Katie! Hi, Katie!

Get your meat hooks off of her.

Hi.

- I take it you're Jealous?

- Yeah, I was.

But I'm gonna go ahead

and flip-flop back to Aroused.

Scene?

Scene.

Scene!

Good work. Good work, everybody.

Excellent work.

You were terrific. Confused, right?

- She looks scared.

- Well, you were humping her.

- Your friends kind of creep me out.

- Yeah.

Hey, wait, these are real.

What's the occasion?

I got a job interview.

Oh, no, you talked to Bob next door.

Listen, that isn't a tour guide position.

It's an escort service, believe me.

No. A real job. At Connelly and Connelly.

Which means I get to help Pap Paw

pay off his mortgage at the store.

- That's amazing.

- I know.

I'm just glad

someone's having some luck around here.

My Cats audition was a disaster.

- What happened?

- I had a total meltdown.

I think they said they're gonna go

with a real dog or something. I don't...

Are you an idiot? I said no sesame seeds.

I am an idiot. Damn it! I'm such an idiot.

I'll pick them off, okay?

- I need you to focus, Freddy.

- Yes, what?

We're one step closer

to getting Richard booted out.

I love it when you talk booted.

We just need to get that dinosaur Bertha out

and that Okie bimbo in.

Once the puppet is planted,

you pull her strings and you sabotage Dick.

There you go.

- Are you kidding me with this?

- Sorry. Damn it!

Just go ahead and slap me.

- What do you think?

- I think not.

This is a job interview, not a bridal shower.

We need to make some changes.

You know what to do, Freddy.

But it was a really big hit

at the Minden Christmas formal.

I'm sure it was.

- But we're not in Kansas anymore.

- Oklahoma.

Oh, yes. It was a joke.

Max. The clothes. Please.

Oh, hey, hey, Freddy. Good morning.

You need to read this one.

Ziggy has done it again.

I'm sure he has.

Listen, Betty. I think I saw your nephew

down in the lobby.

Tyrone?

Yeah.

- Well, we thought he was dead.

- Really?

He's down in the lobby.

And he's got a little present

for his Aunty Betty.

Happy day!

- Come give Mama some sugar...

- Okay.

- Come on, now.

- Okay.

Security?

Yeah. You look smashing.

Turn around. What do you think?

Now we just have to work on this.

I've been framed! Wait a minute!

Sorry, Betty. Bye-bye.

I'll make sure to clip Ziggy for you.

Hi.

- It is a disaster.

- All right, well, brush it.

We need layers.

To the New York Katie.

God, sit still!

Isn't this fun?

Extensions!

These will take you, my darling,

from a hair don't to a hairdo

I was homecoming queen

three years in a row.

And I was in charge of all the pep rallies

and all the decorations.

- Impressive.

- Wonderful.

- That must have been fun.

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