Blonde Venus

Hey, you guys, wait a minute.

How far is it to the next town?

- Only 10 miles.

- Then it's no use, boys. I'm through.

Just cover me with leaves and tell

my mother I died with her name on my lips.

Time out while we watch Joe die.

Is anyone around here human enough

to give me a cigarette?

Here you are.

And you're the guy who said

this was going to be a pleasure trip.

- It's part of your education.

- Yeah?

You can't leave Germany

without taking a walking trip.

Why can't I?

Oh, look! What's that?

As I live and breathe,

a taxicab in the middle of the Black Forest.

Hey, brother, can you give us

a lift into town?

We've been hiking all day

and we're tired. Tired.

What did he say?

He says he's engaged

for the whole afternoon.

That settles it.

He just wants to bargain. Come on.

We'll pay you well. We're Americans.

- What did he say?

- He says he's a man of honour.

- Theatre? Actresses?

- Actresses? Are they young?

Ask him quickly, for heaven's sakes,

how many of them are there?

Six.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Did you say you were sailing

in three weeks?

I've cancelled my reservations.

- Three, four, five, six...

- Get out!

- Sit down!

- I wasn't...

They seem disturbed about something.

- Do you suppose we're not welcome?

- Are there six or are there seven?

I'm sorry, Miss,

but I don't understand a word.

- Will you please go away?

- You speak English.

Really quite a surprise.

Have you just come from America?

- Rather a long swim, isn't it?

- Will you go away?

What a charming country this is.

I've half a mind to settle here for good.

Would you mind telling me how long

this is going to keep up?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Now that you call my attention to it,

I guess I am.

Please. We have to be back in the theatre

by 6:
00.

Otherwise, we'll all lose our positions.

We wouldn't dream of

being the cause of that.

But if we go...

will you and your friends meet us

for something to eat after the show tonight?

We'll do nothing of the kind.

All right then, my little water nymph,

we'll stay.

I think you are the most

impossible person I've ever met!

Look, Mummy, I'm a crocodile.

Got it.

Missed it.

Got it.

Missed it.

- Look, Mummy, I'm a fish.

- Excuse me, I thought you were a boat.

No, I've changed now. I'm a fish.

Sit up, Johnny. You know I have no time

to play. Father will be back soon.

- Sit down.

- Thank you, Doctor.

Well, young man,

what seems to be your trouble?

Dr. Pierce, I have a rather peculiar request

to make.

I want to sell you my body.

Why do you particularly

want to sell it to me?

Well, sir, in view of your reputation

on this side of the water...

I had an idea that my body

in its present condition...

might be very interesting to you.

Before as well as after death.

- What's the matter with you?

- I've been poisoned by radium emanations.

- What is your occupation?

- I'm a commercial chemist.

I've been working on a process

whereby the various radium products...

can be utilised without danger.

How long have you been working

on this thing?

- Ten or twelve years.

- That's a very valuable idea.

Who made your diagnosis?

I know enough about the symptoms

to do it myself.

- Have you had any blood tests lately?

- Three weeks ago and again last night.

I think I'm good for another eight months,

a year at the most.

I wish I could help you,

but I'm afraid I can't.

Do you know anybody else

who might be interested in my condition?

Look here, Doctor, I need money very badly.

Why, are you married?

I wouldn't have come here if I weren't.

- Any children?

- Yes, a little boy.

- Does your wife know about your condition?

- She does.

I told her last night.

Come to think of it, I've just heard

from a friend of mine in Germany.

There's a specialist there named...

What was that name?

Holzapfel.

- Been pretty successful in cases like yours.

- Holzapfel? At Dresden?

- Yes. Do you know him?

- Do I know him?

He was one of my professors

when I was studying over there.

He was, was he?

Doctor, how much do you think

it would cost?

Well, the cure is said to take

three or four months.

I should say about $1,500.

$1,500?

- That's a lot of money, isn't it?

- It certainly is.

- Aren't you working?

- Only at odd jobs, one or two days a week.

Let's see. I could let you have, say, $50.

No, Doctor, thank you.

Thank you so much for your patience.

Glad you came to see me.

Bedtime, Johnny.

Daddy, can't I just stay up

10 minutes longer?

No.

- Five?

- No.

- Two?

- No.

Alley-oop.

Wait a minute, Mummy.

Right in the bull's eye, Johnny.

- Which one are you going to tell me?

- Which one do you want to hear?

- The one about Germany.

- But you've heard that one so often.

- I want to hear it again.

- Ned.

Coming.

- All set, Daddy?

- You bet.

Go on, Mummy.

It was springtime in Germany...

It was springtime in Germany,

and it was warm.

I had spring fever

and the air was full of blossoms.

Now it's your turn.

Let's see. I was out with

some other students on a walking trip...

and pretty soon we came to a dragon

sitting in an automobile...

who told us there was a magic pool

in the forest.

- And what did you do?

- We went to the pool, of course.

- And what do you suppose we saw?

- What?

Imagine! Half a dozen princesses

taking a bath.

- And what did you do when you saw him?

- I told him to go away.

- And did he?

- He did not.

And what happened then?

The most beautiful princess of all...

said that if I'd go away,

she'd grant me my wish.

- And what did you wish?

- I wished to see her again.

I couldn't think of anything better to wish.

So that night I went to a theatre,

and music began to play.

And out upon the stage

stepped this princess...

and she looked more beautiful than ever.

She was beautiful!

And then your heart began to go like this?

And Mummy began to sing?

And my heart stopped beating entirely.

What happened to you when you saw him?

I could hardly sing, and I could barely wait

until I saw him again.

But you did see him again, didn't you?

I met him later that night.

- What happened then?

- You can never guess.

- We went walking.

- Go on, walk.

Okay, skipper.

And then we came to a park.

Only there was a tremendously large

yellow moon up in the sky.

It was altogether too big and too bright.

But it was dark under the trees, very dark.

This is a tree, Johnny.

- And what happened under the tree?

- Then he kissed me.

- And what happened after that?

- He kissed me again.

And what happened then?

Then we were married.

And then?

And then we started to think about you...

Get out of here.

Would you need that $1,500 all at once?

No, but if I had $300,

I could at least get to Germany.

I haven't yet figured out

a way of paying the rent...

unless I part with the microscope.

So I'm afraid we'll have to postpone

our trip abroad this year.

I could earn that money

by going back to the stage.

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