Blood Into Wine Page #6

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focus on the winemaking.

My role in Puscifer is really

whatever--

whatever it can be

at any kind of moment, you know?

I'm such a huge Maynard fan altogether,

you know?

That's creepy.

I know. I know.

- How did you get in the room?

- Isn't weird to have a crazy fan?

- Where's the bouncers?

- No, it's true.

- Security.

- And, you know...

So anytime Maynard sings,

I want to be there.

And if he asks me to sing with him,

of course I will, so...

Puscifer track in the next Resident Evil...

film.

Know anybody?

Don't we realize that no one knows

what Puscifer is?

You know why?

Because no one knows what it is.

Even the guy who came up with it

- doesn't know what it is.

- No, but that's not--

No one knows what it is.

That's the point.

Right. What is Puscifer

is what Puscifer is.

- What is Puscifer?

- And not-- And what it isn't, you know?

Puscifer is an ever-evolving project,

not unlike a wine.

- It's-- When you put the bottle--

- Good plug.

- Good plug.

- When you put the wine in the bottle,

it's going to be different

depending on what day or week

or year you open it up.

- It's always going to be evolving.

- You're holding that really weird.

Now, how-- how do I pronounce it again?

I always want to say--

- caduceus.

- caduceus.

Caduceus is the winery.

Merkin Vineyards are the vineyards.

Merkin Vineyards. And you're not--

You don't have a problem

that your-- your winery--

the middle syllable

almost sounds like "douche"?

- You're not worried about that?

- Not at all.

I mean, this is all--

We're all-- We're embracing nature.

Good. And Three Douche Bags

Vineyards out of Italy

is, like, one of the biggest producers

on the planet,

so it clearly didn't hurt them.

Not only of wine, but of douche bags.

Of douche bags.

Yeah, they do amazing--

Because they got the old olive oil.

You know, the great vinegar.

They make it all by hand.

They stone-grind the rubber.

Yeah, it's all cold-pressed.

It's all cold-pressed.

- Jesus God.

- cold-pressed douche bags.

What are we,

a couple of bad morning deejays?

Hey, how about that

Three Douche Bags Vineyard?

We're here with Maynard Keenan

here from ca-douch-us Winery.

Hey, Maynard--

Sorry. So what is this one called?

This one's called Sancha.

Yeah. You want to read the back there?

I do want to read the back.

Hang on.

- You need the glasses? I have glasses.

-No. I got it.

You know what you should do

on the next back of one of these?

Just add one-- Like, do all the technical

stuff and then add one line

that just makes no f***ing sense

just to see if people catch it.

You know? Like, "Personally frightened

by Rhea Perlman once a week."

- lnsult it to death.

- Yeah, to prove, just, like--

Wait a minute. What? What?

Wait a minute.

That's not real.

And they go to your Web site,

and you have footage of Rhea Perlman

screaming at a barrel of grapes.

Yeah.

Personally frightened by Rhea Perlman.

- Now, this isn't-- Thank you.

- cheers.

This is also young. We're pouring

these wines way before their time.

- We shouldn't be pouring these at all.

- So we're robbing the cradle.

- We're robbing the cradle. Yeah.

- God.

- Wow.

- That's got some tannic structure to it.

Damn, dude.

That has got some tannis.

This is what they give,

like, a gunfighter before a shootout.

- Like, just, "Here, get a sip of this."

- Yeah.

- "lt'll steady your hand, dude."

- Here.

By the stem. You don't want to warm it.

There you go.

- Wine before murder, always.

- Remember that movie you were pitching,

Gunfighter Wine Snob?

No?

Gunfighter Wine Snob.

Think a Cabernet is better

than a Syrah, buddy?

Better take three steps back.

Gunfighter Wine Snob.

So how is that piss?

How is that poison

you're putting in your mouth?

You have a vinegar waft coming this way.

Smells like...

Tim, don't get close to that.

l can't tell you--

curiosity killed the cat.

Give me a little taste.

It's rank.

Smells like my Pepper's shoes.

No, not for me. Not for me.

Does it hurt?

"Does it hurt"?

It tastes like my daughter's cough syrup.

lt does smell like fruit now that it's

sort of sitting out in the air a little bit.

- Give me a sip of that.

- Feel free.

It's got a...

When people taste wine,

and they are maybe intimidated sometimes,

because they'll be sitting there

at a wine tasting,

and somebody will swirl that glass

and take a whiff,

and they'll say, "What lovely aromas

and characteristics of cassis

and chocolate and tobacco

and forest floor and mushroom."

All these are-- words are descriptors

that may be applicable

to that wine at that moment.

Because we're such a visually oriented

and stimulated culture,

our vocabulary and our senses

that have to do with taste and smell

are really underdeveloped.

It's not that they're not there,

we just don't have

an intellectual kind of connection,

and our mind doesn't connect

to our vocabulary

and our ability to describe those things.

And furthermore,

because we don't have that,

we tend not to pay attention

to those things as much.

I think it's good to have some--

a kind of few key words

that that you can use like "forest floor."

It gives you kind of an earthy character

or an experience of an earthy character.

So there's a few kind

of fruit terms you can use

to kind of get people down the right path.

This is dark fruit. This is blue fruit.

Wine definitely does not contain

strawberries or black cherries.

But when you try to describe something,

we have to use terms

that we're familiar with

and that everybody can kind of understand.

With regard to our senses,

I really kind of think we have

an obligation to educate ourselves

about these things,

because there's this whole world out there

that most of us aren't even

paying attention to that is huge.

You want to smell flavors

that are fruity and aromatic.

You don't want to smell things

like bleu cheese,

and you don't want to smell things

like wet dog and barnyard.

I mean, these are things

that are also descriptors of wine,

but may be something that went wrong

in the winemaking process

that created those flavors and smells.

My wife had a great line a while ago.

Back when Eric was just bringing us in

for these random tastings,

she said one of the wines

was like kissing Elizabeth Taylor.

of tasting wine is smelling wine.

So you're really not tasting

chocolate in the wine.

lt's more like your tongue

and your nose come together,

and the effect of that flavor

comes across to your brain

as slightly chocolaty.

Eric always amazes me--

the things he can notice in a wine.

And I think I'm starting to get there.

For me, sensualism really developed

more to the concept

of smell really, and somewhat taste.

Because taste is really all about smell,

you know?

If you have a cold and you eat some food

or drink some wine,

you can barely taste it at all.

Most of what we're tasting with wine

is our retro-nasal.

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