Bonnie Scotland Page #4

I had one happen to me

just about an hour ago.

On the parade ground, it was.

A fellow comes up to me and he says:

"Look, Danny," says he.

"Here comes the new draft."

"Where?" says I.

"Through the gate," says he.

And I looks up...

...and do you know what?

I couldn't see a blooming thing.

I understand perfectly.

Thanks for tipping us off.

You understand

what they were talking about?

Why, certainly.

Sounds screwy to me.

Why, there's nothing screwy about it.

You heard what the gentleman said.

A mirage is something you see

that isn't there.

Or something that isn't there

that you don't see.

For instance:

There it is.

There it isn't.

Now, it's still there,

but you can't see it.

That's a mirage.

Gee, I'm dumb today.

Today?

Hey.

So you still don't believe it, huh?

All right, I'll prove to you that

there is such a thing as a mirage.

- Where's my accordion?

- In there.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...I have never had

a greater privilege...

...than announcing to you

the engagement of a young lady...

...from bonnie Scotland

whom we've all learned to love:

Miss Lorna McLaurel.

And now to tell you the name

of the lucky man.

It is my old friend and brother officer,

Colonel Gregor McGregor.

Now, let's drink to their long life,

health and happiness.

Lorna. Greg.

You can't do that to me.

You can't.

- Steady.

- Let me go.

Man, are you crazy?

What the devil are you doing here?

You don't understand. Let me go.

Now, another move out of you, and

it'll be guardroom for you, young fellow.

I don't care. Let me go, will you?

Attention.

Take him out.

Oh, Greg. What do you suppose

has happened?

Touch of the sun, I imagine.

Probably one of the new drafts.

Poor fellow.

Don't keep doing that.

- You look just like a grasshopper.

- Well, I was...

Now if you're gonna walk with me,

you've got to keep in step.

Now, go back and get in step.

Go on. Get back.

- Now, that's better. Come on.

- Hey.

Your pal Douglas wants to see you

right away. Says it's important.

- Where is he?

- He's in the cooler, that's where he is.

- I wonder what he's doing in the cooler.

- I don't blame him. This hot weather.

- I wouldn't mind...

- He's not in there for his health.

He's in trouble. Come on.

Will you get in step?

Try it backwards.

Now, left, left, left.

All right, let's go.

Now you've got it. Fine.

Hey, Alan.

- Hello, fellas.

- What happened?

- I don't know. I kind of lost my head.

- Lost your head?

You didn't lose your head.

It's still there but you can't see it.

- It's one of those things...

- Will you shut up?

- How long you in for?

- They're gonna let me out in a few hours.

- Will you do me a favor?

- Why, certainly.

You're the only ones I can trust.

Try and find Lorna and give her this note

as soon as you can.

It's very important.

- We certainly will. Won't we, Stanley?

- We sure will.

- Won't we?

- We cer... Come on, go on.

- Ollie.

- What?

Don't let anyone know about it,

will you?

- Nobody must get that note but Lorna.

- Mum's the word.

- What?

- Mum's the word.

- Goodbye, Alan.

- Goodbye.

You two run along.

I want to talk to Millie.

She's getting beyond me. Millie.

Her Ladyship. Quick, hide.

I'll lose me job.

Quick, in the cupboard. Right there.

Yes, milady. Coming, milady.

Millie.

- Did you call me, Your Ladyship?

- You know I called you.

We're going to watch the polo.

We'll have dinner promptly at 7.

- Yes, milady. Dinner promptly at 7.

- Wait a minute.

Let me impress on you once again:

No entertaining while we're out.

- Milady, I wouldn't think of such a thing.

- Well, I'm warning you.

The colonel may be back any minute.

If he catches you, it's back to England.

- Yes, milady.

- Very well.

Ain't she the high and mighty one.

Denying a little girl a bit of sparking.

- Has she gone?

- Yes, thank goodness.

I thought for a minute the game was up.

She didn't half tell me off.

I heard her.

I was a wee bit afraid myself.

It's a wonder

you didn't hear my knees knocking.

Oh, Millie, l...

I warned you. Pack your things. You're

leaving by the first boat for England.

Give me another chance.

I'll try to do better the next time.

No. I've finished with you.

Well, cast me over the hurdles.

I'll get even with you

if it's the last thing I do.

I beg your pardon, sir, but could you

tell us were we could find Miss Lorna?

- What do you want with Miss McLaurel?

- He's got a note for her.

- You have a note for my ward?

- No, sir.

Why you...

Alan gave it to you in the cell...

Look here, have you a note

or haven't you?

- Yes, sir.

- Give it to me.

You lied to me.

Report at once to Sergeant Finlayson.

As for you, my man,

your actions are commendable.

- You fixed me up pretty, didn't you?

- Well, you shouldn't tell a lie.

The first time that you tell a lie,

it serves you...

- Who did that?

- He did.

- I did nothing...

- Report to Sergeant Finlayson at once.

- You see that he gets there.

- I did nothing of...

- Yes, sir. Thank you.

- I did nothing. I didn't kick...

Vi, who's Alan Douglas?

- Do you know him?

- Alan Douglas?

Why, yes, slightly.

I met him in Scotland.

He's a raw, uncouth sort of boy

who works for Miggs.

- But why all this interest?

- He's here in India.

A private in the regiment.

Oh, but, Greg, you are a simpleton.

This is all so plain to me.

Just a case of puppy love in Scotland.

You know, promises of undying affection

and all that sort of thing.

Then Lorna inherited this money and the

boy thought he might as well be in on it.

Most people would do anything

for L200,000.

Oh, Greg, tear up this note and forget it.

Lorna's told me time and time again

she's forgotten all about this boy.

She loves you

and she's promised to marry you.

- Oh, don't risk a scene.

- It won't do, Vi.

Sooner or later

they're bound to meet.

We'd better get it over with.

- You're not going to give it to her?

- I haven't quite made up my mind yet.

Vi, not a word to Lorna about this.

I want to think this out for myself.

For once.

Greg, you've got to cheer up. The next

thing you know, there will be gossip.

Walla.

What are you going to do?

Miss McLaurel is dancing.

Take this note to her, but don't tell her

where it comes from.

Understand?

Oh, Greg, you fool.

You're risking your own happiness.

I'm thinking of Lorna now.

Pardon me.

- Bad news?

- Oh, no, general.

Wonderful news.

Lorna. Lorna!

Alan.

Yes. Alan. Look at me.

Didn't expect me, did you?

Thought I was thousands of miles away

crying my heart out.

Well, I fooled you. I'm here.

Private Douglas, come to pay

his respects to the colonel's lady.

- Why, you're mad. I won't listen to you.

- Yes, you will.

- But I can explain.

- I've seen and heard enough myself.

The money's gone to your head.

I was fool enough to believe you

because I had faith...

...trusted you when

you were laughing at me.

- Oh, stop it! Stop it!

- I won't stop it.

It isn't true. You must listen to me.

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