Born Guilty

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(SKATEBOARD ROLLING)

( CALM MUSIC)

(KISSING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Yo, come on, step up.

- You're opening the gate

for me like a gentleman.

You want me to walk

through and thank you

so you can impress her.

It's okay. I'm not impaired

and you're probably

not a gentleman

so just

(LAUGHS)

- Yo, you got a

problem or somethin'?

- With a con artist like you?

Plenty.

What are you, 22?

It's 3:
00, you should be

in college or working.

Obviously neither.

Probably don't use

protection, do you?

You'll knock her up,

provide zero child support,

financially or emotionally.

You're just with her

to get your rocks off

using her vagina for

your prick's pleasure

(LAUGHS) while she

fakes an orgasm

just so you'll stick around.

Meanwhile, you're too timid to

ask that he orally please you

because having your needs met

is not a consideration, right?

- Yo, you better shut your

mouth and keep it moving.

Cause real talk, you

don't know me and

- You're gonna assault me, huh?

That's the way to

end an argument?

- Lady, lady, lady.

First of all, hold up, you

don't even know him, okay?

Luther has a job.

He works nights, that's why

we're out here right now.

Matter of fact, he works at

the Fullway up the block.

He's a security guard,

so he's a good dude.

- And I know how

to use my tongue

like a goddamn electric eel.

Word.

- Oh.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I say things that

I really shouldn't and

- Bounce.

- Just because he's

a security guard,

doesn't mean that he's

an appropriate companion.

I mean, half the security

guards in New York

have a criminal record.

Have you told her

about your past?

- Luther?

- Yo, this b*tch is

f***ing crazy, man!

- What do you mean she's crazy?

- Why are we even standing

here talking about

- It's evident!

He's no match for you.

You probably have a

high school degree

and you're going to

community college.

Nursing is your goal, right?

- How did you know that?

- Because 25 years of

being a social worker,

I see patterns.

Yeah.

And I know you can do better.

You have a tight window

that's open right now

where you can actually

find a really great guy.

Find somebody that has

similar goals that you do,

not some guy who's gonna

spray his sperm around town

and leave you with a baby

and a big bag of bye bye

and that window will slam shut

and all that will be left

are perverts and man-boys

and disappointments that

will make this good dude

who's trying to f*** you in

public look like a priest.

- Hey, yo, b*tch, I'm bout to

slap all the sh*t outta you

- No, no, no!

(SHOUTING)

- What do you mean?

F*** you, b*tch!

And f*** you too.

- What do you mean, f*** me?

What is wrong with you, lady?

- Typical.

- But now he's gone!

- Oh no, I just didn't want

you to be alone like I am

all these years.

Sorry!

Sh*t.

( CALM MUSIC)

(KISSES)

(CHATTERING)

(SIRENS)

(PHONE RINGING)

(CHATTERING)

- [BOY] He's insane

in the banana brain!

- Tell me where the delicious

banana brain cereal is hidden

or else the girl gets milked.

(LAUGHS)

- No, please.

I just got this dress.

- Only bananas.

Only bananas

Only bananas get

milked in the morning.

- Cut, cut, cut!

- Friggin' amateur.

You wanna borrow

my training bra?

- You blow that line

one more time

(GRUNTS) I'll turn

you into an altar boy.

- Don't treat the kid like that.

- Why didn't you charge

him, shout your line,

and whack his fruity

(MUMBLES) brains out?

Huh?

Answer me, you little brat.

Why didn't you do that?

- Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, I got it,

I got it, Mitch.

I got it, I got it.

- Fix it, Marty, or

I'm gonna fix him.

- Okay, he's fixed.

Okay, see you.

I get it, man.

Sometimes it feels

like no one's ever

satisfied with you, huh?

like claiming "You don't

appreciate all the sacrifices

You only care about yourself,

you don't care about me."

So what's gonna happen, right?

You, me, you end up

feeling so crappy

that you do whatever you

can to make them happy,

become their servant.

You forget that you have a life.

It'll drive you

ducking goat nuts.

Okay, I bet you

hate math, right?

Of course.

Well, you see that guy over

there with the mustache?

Like looking away?

Looks a funny man, right?

Well, you don't like that guy.

He is a kid-hating,

homework overloading,

call you out in

the middle of class

when he knows you don't know

the answer math teacher.

I'm talking about

the kind of math

where they tell you letters

or numbers, it makes no sense!

Max, take a stand.

Pick up that spoon,

this is your time.

Do it for the kids.

Do it for the kids

all over the world.

Tell that fun-robbing

hate monster

what time the bananas

get milked around here!

Go, my boy!

- Only bananas get

milked in the morning!

(SHOUTS)

- F***.

(KNOCKING)

- I have gun!

Gun.

Gun to shoot.

Go away.

- Mrs. Gonzalez, I'm Judith

Weiss, from the social services.

If you want to continue to

receive state assistance,

you must allow me to

conduct a home inspection.

- Oh.

(LAUGHS) Without the

welfare, I have no home.

Come in, come in, por favor.

- Thank you, thank

you, Mrs. Gonzalez.

Oh, actually cold in here.

How many children do you have?

- I

Three?

- On your welfare papers,

it says that you have five.

Five children.

Do you want to

reapply for welfare?

- No, no.

Use each of the penny

for five children.

- Okay.

Does Mr. Gonzalez

provide any assistance?

- No hear or see him

in over a year, so no.

- Can you prove to me that

you have five children?

Right?

- Yes!

- Somehow?

- They are playing

with the neighbors.

I will bring them to you.

- Oh, that's really

not necessary.

You can show me their

clothes or their diapers.

- No, keep her company, okay?

I'll be right back.

Vamos, vamos, vamos.

See?

These are my five children.

- I see.

Alright, so what is your name?

- Chan Sook.

- Juanita Chan Sook Gonzalez.

- Juanita Chan Sook.

Okay.

And you must be Paco.

- Trey.

(LAUGHS)

( UPBEAT MUSIC)

- Idea!

Talk to me.

Please.

We'll call it

Squirtgurt.

Togurt.

Twurt.

Do we have Twister?

Twist in the Mouth.

No good, moving on.

If you whist, you whist.

Tort.

The yogurt that gives

you warts, right?

God, why do we need another

f***ing yogurt, right?

I'll kill you!

Killgurt.

I'm melting, I'm melting!

- Marty, you killed it.

Nailed it.

Marty, you saved the shoot,

the client thinks

you're a rock star.

- Unbelievable how you get

inside the psychographics

of a preteen demo.

You must have the mind of

an advanced 10 year old.

- Shut the f*** up,

you're just jealous.

Marty, you have just proven

yourself worthy of advance.

- Regardless of

your bipolar record.

- We are shifting you

to a new demographic,

the constipated young adult.

- The adult market?

Constipated adult?

I can go with that.

I mean, it's a start,

right, why not?

Everyone gets constipated

once or twice.

I had an enema once.

But wait, I got it.

How about "Life is full of it

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