Born Yesterday Page #6

I started doing all this.

- I guess you know.

- No, I didn't.

A lot of good it did me.

I never had this kind

of trouble before, I can tell you.

- Trouble?

- Sure.

After I first met ya I figured

everything was gonna work out dandy.

Then when you wouldn't

step across the line...

I figured maybe the way to you

is through your head.

Welt, no.

Anyway, what's the "diff" now?

Difference.

But I like you, anyway.

- It's too late for the rest.

- Why?

Why? Oh, look, Paul.

There's a certain time

between a fella and a girl...

when it either comes off or not.

If it doesn't then,

then it never does.

Maybe we haven't got

to our time yet.

I think we did,

and you dropped the ball.

Don't be so sure.

Well, I never thought I'd go through

a thing like this for anybody.

- Like what?

- Like gettin' all mixed up in my head...

like wondering and worrying

and thinking, stuff like that.

Last night, I went to bed,

I started to think.

I couldn't fall asleep

for ten minutes.

I don't know if it's good

to find out so much so quick.

Nobody's born smart.

You know what the stupidest thing

on Earth is? An infant.

What have you got against babies

all of the sudden?

Nothing. I've got nothing

against a brain...

that's three weeks old and empty,

but after it hangs around...

30 years and hasn't absorbed anything,

I begin to wonder about it.

- What makes you think I'm 30?

- I didn't mean you.

- Oh, yes, you did!

- I swear it.

- You certainly know how to get me sore.

- I'm sorry.

- Thirty! Do I took 30 to you?

- No.

- Then what'd you say it for?

- I don't know.

- How old are you?

- Twenty-nine.

Don't stop it.

I meant, don't stop studying.

Will ya?

I don't know why

it's so important to you.

It's sort of a cause.

I want everybody to be smart.

I want 'em to be as smart

as they can be.

A world full of ignorant people

is too dangerous to live in.

I know.

That's why I wish

I was doing better.

- You're doing wonderfully.

- It's no use.

Most people would just laugh at me

if they knew what I was trying to do.

- I'm not laughing.

- I am.

I started laughing at myself.

Who do I think I am anyway?

Once in a while,

just for a change.

Don't try so hard. Please.

You miss the whole point.

I like to like

what's better to like.

There's room for all sorts

of things in you.

The idea of learning

is to he bigger, not smaller.

- Do you think I'm gettin' bigger?

- Yes.

Glad to hear it.

But all them books!

It's not only books.

I told you a hundred times.

- It's mostly.

- It is not. Look, who said this:

"The proper study

of mankind is man."

- I don't know.

- You should.

- Why?

- I told you.

- I forgot.

- Pope.

- The Pope?

- Not the Pope. Alexander Pope.

- "The proper study..."

- "...of mankind is man."

- That means women too.

- Yes.

Yes, I know.

I've been doing some studying

of a different mankind lately...

like the ones you told me...

Thomas Jefferson last week...

and this week, Tom Paine.

And all by myself,

I got to thinkin' about Harry.

He works so hard to get

what he wants, for instance.

But he doesn't know

what he wants.

- More of what he's got, probably.

- Money.

Money, more people

to push around, more money.

- He's not so bad as you think he is.

- Hello.

Hello, Harry.

We were just talking about you.

Yeah? That ain't

what I pay you for.

She knows enough about me already.

Too much, in fact.

- Jim phone?

- No.

- I had a date with him.

- What'd you find out about Tom Paine?

- He was quite a fella.

- Where was he born?

London, or England.

Someplace like that.

What do you mean, London or England?

That's the same thing.

- It is?

- London's in England. London's a city.

- England's a whole country.

- I forgot.

- Oh, brother, you've got patience.

- Take it easy.

How can anybody

get to be so dumb?

- We can't all know everything.

- Who's Tom Paine, for instance?

- What?

- You heard me. Tom Paine.

- What do I care who he is?

- I know.

If I wanted to know who he is, I'd know.

I just don't care.

Go on, go on.

Don't let me butt in.

Which of his hooks

did you like best?

I didn't read by him yet,

only about him.

- But I made a list.

- Who's Rabbit Maranville?

- Who?

- Rabbit Maranville.

- I didn't know any Rabbit.

- Think you're so smart, huh?

He used to play shortstop

for the Braves, didn't he?

What are you, some kind

of genius or something?

I hire and fire geniuses

every day.

- I'm sure you do. Where's the list?

- Here.

Well, suppose you start with

The Age of Reason.

- The Age of Reason?

- Mm-hmm. Then next...

- Who's Willy Hoppe?

- National billiard champion.

- And it's pronounced "hoppy."

- That's what I said.

- But I didn't ask you, I asked her.

- Sorry.

- Where were we?

- The Age of Reason.

Yes. Next, The Rights of Man.

- The Rights of Man.

- I think that'll...

What's a peninsula?

You think you're so smart.

What's a peninsula?

- It's a...

- Not you, her.

It's that new medicine.

- It is not.

- What then?

It's a body of land surrounded

on three sides by water.

- So what's that to know?

- So what's that "Sam Paine" to know?

There's some difference between...

Tom Paine, not "Sam Paine."

Tom Paine practically

started this whole country.

- You mean he's dead?

- Of course!

What are you learning her

about dead people for?

I want you to teach her

how to act with live people.

Education's a very difficult

thing to control.

- Work on her, not me.

- No extra charge.

I don't need nothin' you can tell me.

I'm sure we could tell each other

some very interesting things.

- What's that mean?

- Just trying to be friendly.

Who asked you?

You know, the more I see of you,

I don't like you as much.

For a chump who got no place,

you're awful fresh.

You better watch out.

I got my eye on you.

All right.

We'll both watch out.

If I wanted,

I could knock your block off.

I know.

Just do what you're supposed to do,

and that's all.

- Well, we'll stop for now.

- No, go on, go on.

- I wanna see how you do it.

- Not just now, if you don't mind.

I've gotta go and lie down.

You don't realize how hard I work.

Some joke.

Two hundred bucks a week,

and I can't even watch.

Take you on separately, Harry.

Glad to.

Got a special course

for backward millionaires.

"London or England."

Why don't you give up?

What?

What's this business we're in down here?

Could you tell me?

What do you mean, "we"?

I figure I'm sort of partner.

- A silent partner.

- So?

So shut up!

- I got a right to know.

- You got a right to keep out of my hair.

Put your nose in the book

and keep it there!

I don't wanna do anything if it's

against the law. That's one sure thing.

Youll do what I tell ya!

I think I know what it is,

only I'm not sure.

What's the matter with you?

You're doing all right, ain't ya?

Something you want

you ain't got, maybe?

- Yeah.

- What?

I want to be

like the happy peasant.

All right, I'll buy it for you.

Now, will you quit crabbin'!

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